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Fresh ideas to encourage DD (5) to play with more than just one 'BFF'?

4 replies

JessiCake · 17/10/2018 11:39

DD age 5 has a (very lovely) 'best' friend at school (Yr 1) but I'd really really like to find ways to encourage her to keep her social circle a bit wider.

While I understand she likes the security of having one close friend, I know there are days when (understandably!) the other little girl wants to play with someone else instead, when maybe she's ill, or in a lunchtime club... basically I think it's ideal for very young children to have a fairly wide group of friends as it keeps it all less intense and it's better for their confidence to rub alongside different personalities.

I have suggested a few playdates with children I know she does like but never plays with. They go well, but she doesn't then seek them out in the playground.

There are many other children whom she absolutely refuses playdates with!

It's a fairly boisterous class and DD is a not-very-boisterous child so I get that she has firm preferences over not really wanting to join in with louder children or have them over to play. That said, I worry that if I don't encourage her to step a bit out of her comfort zone with just one equally-non-boisterous child, she won't develop the kind of social confidence I think children really need. I don't think she'll ever want to join in big rowdy group games and that's fine but I can see her confidence dipping in other areas when she feels unconfident in the playground.

So beyond playdates with children she does like, and beyond being very positive and encouraging on the rare days when she does play with someone else, is there ANYTHING else I can do?

I'm torn between obviously wanting to recognise that she's a quieter kind of person (I am too) who struggles with large groups but also wanting to encourage her to form bonds with more than just one other child.

Does it change as they get older? In my experience friendship groups get smaller and friendships between girls grow more exclusive and intense as they get older!! So I kind of think this age is the time to keep things more open!

Any advice very welcome.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Leeds2 · 17/10/2018 12:05

Would she perhaps go to a lunchtime club that her best friend doesn't go to, so she could hopefully mix with a few different children?

JessiCake · 17/10/2018 12:10

Thanks Leeds! She does in fact do that, and is perfectly happy there, but as soon as she's finished the club she's off out to find her best friend in the playground again!

There are roughly 3 or 4 other girls in the class she does genuinely like but never ever seems to play with. Either because they're playing in bigger groups with some of the more boisterous children DD isn't comfortable with, or just because she doesn't at her age seem to have the skill (or desire!) to go up and ask to join in if they're already playing.

I think she's very secure with her little friend and I'm happy about that, as I said the little girl is really lovely.

Just keen for her not to put all her eggs in one basket if that makes sense!

The other little girl does seem to have other children she plays with (particularly older girls as she has an older sister) so I don't think she's putting all her eggs in the basket DD's are in!

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AnyaMumsnet · 17/10/2018 14:02

We're moving this to parenting at OP's request

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JessiCake · 17/10/2018 14:11

Thanks MNHQ!

Any advice from Parenting experts on here would be massively appreciated!!

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