7/8 year old can't stop thinking about dying

[Mookatron]

Poor dd can't get to sleep because she starts thinking about what happens when we die, about me dying, and about infinity and space. I know the feeling but I don't know how to help her. She's getting quite upset.

We've talked about what might happen when we die, we've talked about how an ant would think that the journey to school is infinite (so sort of making it relative), and I've tried giving her things to think about instead at bed time but she keeps coming back to it. Last night she ended up in our bed because she dreamed the universe exploded.

For background, her v much loved granny (My MIL) died 18 months ago. She was very upset at the time and I thought was processing things OK.

Any advice? Tia.

bump!

I'm in the same boat my DD is 9 and keeps talking about it. Nothing I've done seems to work. Though no one she knows has died

Oh dear - maybe we just have to sit tight until they stop?

I picked my daughter up from Nanny's last week and she got in the car & went

'Mum I slept really well, I had no worries about you or Davey (my DP) dying or anything bad happening, I just got in bed and went to sleep'

.. apparently this has been the situ for months she's just never told anybody!!

She's 8!

OK, I'm sensing a pattern! Clearly it's an age thing.

This sounds familiar! I haven’t had this from either of my kids and both are past that age now; but I definitely had this at a similar age. Used to get really tearful and anxious in the night and have to go and check on mum and dad. Also couldn’t go to sleepovers at that age as I just sobbed and pined for my parents.

It was definitely a phase- I really can’t say how long it went on for, but I grew out of it. It sounds like you are dealing with it perfectly OP, I reckon it’ll pass.

Also meant to say, I was also preoccupied with thoughts of mum and dad dying. I had a lovely, happy childhood, but I had to have a stay in hospital when I was about 7 for some investigations. Had several bad experiences there, so possibly that had some impact on my mental health.

Thanks all. I'm glad I started this thread now. We'll just keep on as we are I suppose.

It is an age thing. Around ages 7,8,9 children are becoming more aware that the world isn’t as safe as they previously thought (via the news, experiences of death, other kids etc) and at the same time as they become more aware of danger, they’re only little so they have no control, can’t risk assess or put things into perspective, and they are still reliant on their parents for security.
Was discussing this (with a family member who is a psychologist) last night, as my 9 years old has been sleeping in my bed this week having told me she can’t sleep in her own room for a currently undisclosed reason. It’s fine by me, she can stay as long as she wants , or at least until her father returns from a work trip...

My DC are tiny but my friend's DD (aged 7, nearly 8) is having issues with this. My friend was widowed before DD was born so there’s always needed to be discussion about daddy not being there from when she was old enough to start to ask but recently she had been much more concerned and bothered by the whole thing. My friend thinks it is probably developmentally normal. Hers seems to be sparked by a combo of

1. age (my friend has spoke to other parents of 7/8/9 year olds experiencing the same thing)
2. Growing understanding of what happened with her daddy
3. Granny being poorly.

Really tough though OP, good luck.

I wish kids came with an instruction booklet sometimes, I suppose that's the function of mumsnet!

Thanks for everyone's posts.

One of my sons went through this at the same age. I read quite a lot about it and it seems to be very common as they start to try and make sense of life and loss. Hope your DD is ok.

It’s been really interesting to see how common this is.

I imagine a psychologist might advise listening to and acknowledging the child’s fears, without trying to minimise or eradicate them.

It’s really sad for children to have to realise that bad and scary things can and do happen all the time, to ordinary people. But hopefully they can also learn that we all enjoy our lives much more if we don’t spend too much time worrying about what could happen. Not being able to predict or control events is something we all have to get our heads round.

Yes waterlego it's funny isn't it. I was trying to think how I live with all the stuff I know, like how I'm going to die and so on. Particularly when my kids were tiny I found the fear of something happening to them overwhelming at times. I suppose I get my brain to 'change the subject'.

But I wondered if telling DD to do this was minimising her fears on the subject. Seeing that it's common and and age-related I feel a bit better about doing that so I'll probably start trying to get her to think of other things when the thoughts happen.

i think my parents either comforted me by talking about how it wouldn't be for a very very long time and then heaven and / or I would just go back to how i was before i was born " which was fine wasnt it. you don't have any bad memories of that so you know its ok "