Struggling coping with newborn and toddler

[Barbie0316]

Hey guys
I thought I’d turn to this site for some help and advice. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 week old baby. I am really struggling with this change in now having two children to deal with. Me and my husband both wanted another baby but I really didn’t think it through how difficult it would be if we actually did have another. I feel im constantly angry and miserable dealing with my toddlers tantrums and getting her into a routine. We are all in one room waiting to move and I just feel frustrated everyday. I feel sometimes like I’m not cut out to be a mother because of the way I feel. Most days I’m crying and when i told my MIL this the other day she said for me not to cry over my child as its bad luck apparently! This really got me so angry as its the most stupid thing I’ve heard. If I cannot cry in situations im struggling with what do i do? I don’t know if im coming or going I feel so low and have awful thoughts because I can’t cope

Thank you in advance x

I've been there, with a smaller age gap, and to be honest it's only now when I look back on it all that I wonder how I got through the early days/months. It's hard and you're doing a wonderful job just to make sure everyone is fed, dressed and nappies changed!

Things that helped my sanity were to get out of the house (put them in a double buggy and just walk, raining or not!), and to take whatever help anyone wanted to offer! If you can afford to put the older one in childcare for even a couple of mornings a week it's a lifesaver!

I remember this stage very well and it was hard, very very hard. My eldest was 2 and a half when my youngest was born. I found it so hard adjusting from one to two, mainly the struggling to get about and feeling bogged down. I look back and don't know how I did it.

Mine are 2.5 and 5 now and although it's easier now, it's difficult in other ways. Easier because they both go to bed and stay in bed, the youngest is now old enough to be able to understand what I'm saying now. The only bit I find hard now is their bickering and on the other end of the scale how obsessed with each other they are, they're so excitable and run from one end of the house to the other squealing in delight at each other company!

It's hard for you right now, but there's light at the end of the tunnel.

It's so hard and what your MIL said is ridiculous. I can only agree with winter - get out of the house. Are there any toddler groups nearby? I found there's always a mum/grandma happy to hold a baby while you concentrate on the toddler or play with the toddler while you feed.

Hang in there. Mine are now 4 months and 21 months - still hard but we are in a routine now and the love they have for each other is incredible.

I feel your pain. I wanted my children to be close in age, so when my DS was 16 months old, my DD was born.

I also look back and wonder how I coped (I also had a third child),
BUT, once you can find a bit of routine, things will slot into place eventually. It does get better, you are still finding your feet, and sleep deprivation is the worst thing. I think I was just on auto-pilot in the early days, walking round like a zombie.

As others have suggested, if you can, get the babies out and have a long walk, it will definitely help. The fresh air and a different environment can be quite therapeutic I used to walk every day - just to save my sanity.

Your hormones are still all over the place, and crying is normal.

(what your MIL said is ridiculous btw).

Do you have any friends of similar age with children that you could pop round and see? Sometimes just having a coffee and a chat with another adult can make the world of difference. (I craved adult company but lived 3 hours away fom family and friends), so used to talk to all sorts of people who were admiring the babies on my daily walks.

Maybe see if there are any mother and baby groups in your area, get to meet other mums and have a chat, and your toddler can let off some steam playing with other children. (which can help tire them out).

Perhaps you will feel better once you move out of the one room, as you will have more space (and not feel so hemmed in).

You will get there in the end, and I can assure you, its well worth all the hard work and sleepless nights

Just dont be too hard on yourself, it doesnt make you a crap mum just because you cry and get frustrated, (I have been there, as have many others), but you will come out the other side - honestly.

Good luck 💐

Hang in there OP! You are doing so well despite all the MH challenges! One day you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come! Best wishes!