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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable with dp?

11 replies

Terri050 · 16/10/2018 13:52

Today I've asked my partner if he could do one night of night feeds just so I can have some sleep & he has caused a huge argument about it & told me since having our daughter I treat him like a friend!! He says he shouldn't have to do night feeds as he has to go to work 5 days a week (not a demanding job)! However I'm a student & I also have a 5 year old boy from a previous relationship & am exhausted!
Last night she cries for 5 hours & didn't go to sleep until half 3 whilst dp Just slept!
I don't really have anyone else to talk to as my close friends are not moms although I do still rant to them! I just want some help!!

OP posts:
skankingpiglet · 16/10/2018 14:02

I don't think YABU, but perhaps as a compromise he could do it Friday (or whichever is the next night where he doesn't have to work the next day if not Mon-Fri job).
Another alternative could be a couple of nights where he is 'in charge' until 1 or 2am, then you take over. Take an early night yourself and you'd at least get 4+hrs unbroken sleep plus whatever you can grab after 2am. He'd then still get 5hrs of decent sleep, which is very manageable if he's getting a full night on the other days.

He sounds like a bit of an arse though TBH. Does he do anything to ease your load?

Original poster
Terri050 · 16/10/2018 14:08

Hi, thankyou for replying, what you are saying is exactly what I have suggested to him that it would be on his days off or he could just do a feed as she will wake again at half 5!
& tbf he is being an arse about it! We are both 24 & after he comes home from work he goes to see his friends everyday!
He doesn't really do much he may give her a bottle once after he has seen friends but that is all! Our daughter is 10 weeks old he is yet to change a nappy!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Terri050 · 16/10/2018 14:08

@skankingpiglet sorry new to this!

OP posts:

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skankingpiglet · 16/10/2018 14:10

FWIW with our 1st child I did all the night wakings for the 1st 6 months as I was BF, but on those nights where she just wouldn't settle DH would take over pacing the hall with her to give me some rest. It was fine with just 1 DC as I could nap in the day or just cancel activities/outings if too tired. After 6 months (when I switched to bottles at night) he shared a lot more night wakings. After DC2 was born I dealt with her wakings (BF again so little choice) and DH did DC1's which were still at least once a night at that point. With 2 DCs it is all hands on deck (still! At 2yo and 4yo!) when we're both home, and we try to balance sleep/down time so it's fairly equal.

lornathewizzard · 16/10/2018 14:11

10 weeks old and he's not even changed a nappy! You need to sort this OP, cause it's not gonna get better.

Is he intimidated or nervous do you think? If so he needs to get stuck in and get some hands on experience

Velvetbee · 16/10/2018 14:16

‘Darling, I’m beginning to resent you and unless you start doing some fucking parenting our relationship is dead...’

Original poster
Terri050 · 16/10/2018 14:16

@skankingpiglet I wish he would compromise & do something like this or just a little, Dd is bottle fed so he would be able to get up & do feeds he just doesn't want to! I just don't know what else to do!

@lornathewizzard I thought he may be a bit scared too being his 1st child but tbh he just doesn't show much interest in actually doing anything for her!

OP posts:
Original poster
Terri050 · 16/10/2018 14:24

@Velvetbee those words are exactly how I feel right now & think it may be the only thing left to say!
He has now turned the argument around & said I need to treat him more like a boyfriend!

OP posts:
skankingpiglet · 16/10/2018 14:24

In which case I think you need to have a sit down and big chat about everything. Would he cope with that? You need to set out exactly what you're doing with your hours (I've worked with many many men who bleat on about how easy their wives have it. They have no clue what goes into keeping a small person happy and well!). Explain you also need sleep. Does he want seriously sleep-deprived Mum looking after his baby? You're not even asking for parity, just some help. I'd also tackle the going out with mates thing here too. It's fine he does, but you need to have the option for an equal amount of leisure time (even if you choose not to take it at the moment/use it to sleep).
He needs to realise that he's a parent now and his needs no longer come first. He needs to act like a grown up and take his share of the responsibility. Life cannot just carry on as before. It's tough because you can't force him but something's got to give.

As for the never changing a nappy... Angry

Olderbyaminute · 18/10/2018 22:38

He’s acting like a fucking spoilt brat! Goes out with friends every night???? Fuck that! He’s complaing about how ypu treat HIM while he has you do everything? You are not in a healthy relationship and if you don’t want to be a single mother within a relationship you better lay it all down in plain English to him-“Help me or else!”

FadedRed · 18/10/2018 22:45

I went back to work on twelve hour night shifts when baby was three months old, so DH did all the baby care then went to work. We were both tired, but when needs must then adults have to do what is needed.
Your partner sounds like a lazy selfish arse, Op, sorry for you and you little one.

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