Boyfriend wants me to stop breastfeeding

[amelee]

Help! I am a ftm and my son is almost a month old. I have been exclusively breastfeeding and he was 7.5 pounds at birth and at his last weigh in was 9 pounds so I know that he is getting enough and gaining well. The problem is that he cluster feeds at night and doesn’t go to sleep for more than an hour (an hour is long, it’s usually only 20 to 30 minutes) and when I pick him up to feed he falls to sleep on me whilst feeding so never has a ‘big feed’ in the night. We have tried putting my clothes in the Moses basket, giving him a dummy etc to try and settle him but nothing seems to work. My boyfriend is becoming annoyed with me up and out of bed all night picking him up and trying to put him back to sleep as this disturbs him and he has work in the morning. Because of this he wants me to give bottles at night instead (his mum his also pushing this) but I don’t want to as I think things will just improve as baby gets older... any advice?

Does your bf know anything at all about babies? He sounds like a man-child. Give him a book about babies' development. As pps have said giving a bottle will not guarantee any more sleep - how ignorant. And bottles are more hassle than bffing.

Make sure you look after yourself. Something tells me your bf is more concerned about himself than about anyone else. And congrats on your new baby!

Your baby is behaving like a baby. Your bf is behaving like a baby. He needs to adjust his expectations. It doesn't matter whether he has another child. He clearly didn't do the grunt work for that one either.
Breastfeed AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO. If it works for you and baby, then it is the right way to do it. Bottles are a right old hassle and do NOT guarantee more sleep. Babies sleeping through from a few weeks old are a rarity.
Your bf needs to move to the living room to sleep if he is annoyed by interrupted sleep in the bedroom
#Ihadinterruptedsleepforfiveyearsandstillhadtoworkffs

I am feeding my now 7 month old and he still feeds throughout the night for a mixture of food and comfort. We bedshare safely and DP is rarely disturbed as it's just the occasional swapping baby from one side to the other. Bottles for us would be much more disturbing as it would mean getting out of bed etc.

At only a month baby is still so little and will be establishing your supply, much of this is done at night. You could try getting up with baby to feed, maybe change nappy half way through to wake them slightly so they feed a bit longer. Then when finished food, DP can settle them, I've found mine can settle better to sleep for DP as they aren't looking for milk.

I’ve been told it usually settles down after 6 weeks, not sure how true that is but it would be a real shame to stop if it might get easier very soon

Tell him my 3 yo doesn't sleep through and he was never breast fed!!

My other instinct is to tell him to fk off. You are feeding your child and he's grumpy because his baby's needs don't meet his own wants.

Sofa.
Ear plugs.
His mother's.
Suck it up.

Soooo many options.

Baby meanwhile just wants a cuddle, some milk and more cuddles.

Have you tried something like the sheep thing that apparently replicates your heartbeat sound? It might help him sleep a little for your sanity not p's but ultimately new babies want cuddles and food and sleep at the wrong time and are needy. He should know this better than you are he already has kids.

Is DP helping with nappy changes, baths, housework etc? Maybe if he was tired enough he'd sleep through the noise. He clearly needs to do more housework

It is not true that his daughter slept through from 2 weeks. It is just not possible for a 2 week old to do that. It's not until c.12 weeks that a baby's melatonin levels are sufficiently high for the baby's brain to interpret nightime as sleep time.

You are doing a fantastic job, your baby is being a very average sounding baby - and bringing a baby to your breast is a lot less hassle than the kerfuffle of sorting out bottles.

I'm going to hazard a guess that your boyfriend wouldn't expect to do all the work of making up and feeding with bottles.

Keep on doing the great job you're doing. You sound like a great mum.

He needs to sleep on the sofa or go to his mums. Or as a last resort, take the Moses basket in the living room and you sleep on the sofa. I have no idea what sort of a twat would let the mother of his child actually do that, but it’s an option.

Your child is normal. Cluster feeding and waking at night is normal. Bf’s first child is abnormal for sleeping through at 2 weeks old! Apart from anything else it isn’t recommended to let a tiny baby go all night without feeding, you need to feed every few hours. My HV actually told me to wake the baby to feed if necessary.

As others have said, getting up to prepare bottles will be even more disruptive than breastfeeding. And your bf will have to get up and do his share of feeding then! He’s an arse for complaining about a mother getting up to feed her baby. And he’s even more of an arse for trying to stop you breastfeeding. And he’s an arse x 1000 for letting his mother stick her beak into your child rearing decisions.

Tell his mother to mind her own business. If she’s pushing her nose into your feeding decisions then god knows what else she’ll interfere with as the child grows older. Tell your bf to get over himself and sleep elsewhere if it bothers him that much. Your baby’s needs come first now. Don’t stop breastfeeding until YOU and YOUR BABY want to.

Definitely the sofa. My boyfriend spent 3 months on the sofa whilst I watched re runs of stuff I hadn’t seen on my laptop.

It will get better, but if you’re happy with b feeding and don’t want to give it up- tell boyfriend to get on sofa.

Or if it’s too uncomfortable, he could get a camp bed or a mattress on the floor?

He doesn’t get up at night at all but just lies there looking annoyed when he’s woken by me getting up... I think he thinks bottles will give baby more milk meaning he will sleep for longer, so he’s also making me doubt if he’s getting enough even though I know he is and keep saying this!

My daughters baby cluster fed and it made no difference when we swapped her over to bottles due to reoccurring mastitis. Baby remained a cluster feeder.

I’d echo what previous posters said. Bottle feeding is far more disruptive in the night and it could be a waste of money at this point if it doesn’t change babies feeding habits.

At a month old, your partner really needs to get his head round the fact that this is what some babies do and the baby might in time stop cluster feeding anyway. Still early days!

There are guidelines on newborns sleeping in the same room as an adult so if your boyfriend needs to sleep he needs to sleep on the sofa.

It's tough but it's just how it is and it's for a short time in your child's life so I'm afraid the boyfriend, the father will have to suck it up. It's not like you're getting any sleep either!

How old is your partner's other child? A 2 week old sleeping through the night is extremely unusual. I wonder if it was a while ago and he's actually misremembered. Either that or she was usual.

Keep doing what you're doing. Bf has very long term benefits for the child. That's more important than him being a bit tired, especially when he can sleep on the sofa.

She’s almost 12 so I think you’re right in that he’s not remembering properly

You're doing really well OP.

He's basically saying that his needs are more important than those of the baby and wants you to change your baby from the best source of nutrition to an artificial and costly one to suit him.

Make him sleep in the bath. Or the car. What a tw*t.

Your bf is ignorant, and you are doing a brilliant job. As he does not help at night, bottles will only mean more disturbance at night (prep, warming, washing up, sterilising) for you, while he STILL ruins your time with the baby by looming disapprovingly over the scene.

He needs to sleep elsewhere. If he is not going to help, the very least he can do is get out of your way!

Bloody hell, he's annoyed that your disturbing him by getting up and down with baby all night?? He should try being the one getting in and out of bed all hours!
Maybe he should bugger off to his moms for a while?

Ive a friend whose formula fed baby didn't sleep through til they were 5 and in school full time (and obvs by that point formula/bf has no bearing!) and a breastfed baby that slept through everything from 6 weeks. Both of my BF babies slept through regularly from 6 months. It is down to the child and I agree with PPs he's misremembering as teething/illness/sheer bloody refusal will have every baby up now and again.
Your baby is tiny and you're doing everything brilliantly. It may help to google the fourth trimester and tell your partner to bugger off if lack of sleep is getting to him. The first 3 months are so tough but it does get easier.

You're doing really well OP.

^ this, his selfishness is making you question yourself which is really unkind of him when you are an emotional hormonal new mum. It really does sound like you are coping well with your new baby and doing all the right things.

Have a good talk (not argument) with him about his behaviour, tell him bf is continuing and come up with solutions that don't involve him (and his mum) making you feel like shite.

Sounds like you can't afford to buy formula either if you want to get a bigger house.
Tell him to either be helpful or jog on.
He is being very selfish.

There’s no guarantee at formula will make the baby sleep better. Breastfeeding at night is important to a small baby as it helps build supply. If you start giving formula and the baby still wakes frequently then you could find that your supply drops and the ‘problem’ of the waking is still there.

Basically, if continuing to breastfeed is important to you then keep going. I’d be suggesting the sofa or a blow up bed to your boyfriend.

Has he also thought about that if the baby takes a bottle then he could get up and do some of the night feeds and leave you to sleep? Probably not ...

All babies are different, my baby sleeps well at night and is breastfed. Had to wake her/do top ups when she was newborn as she was jaudice. My partner did night feeds but she objected to the bottle and cried so much i asked to BF her and she slept. Maybe buy him ear plugs and an eye mask? It is hard for new dads going to work with a newborn ar home and not much attention on them, but like others have said switching to bottles is unlikely to help. Hope you get to move soon.

I think perhaps your bf has an overly rosy view of babies. My ds didn’t sleep through until 5 months. And even then it was a bit patchy until a year old.

Keep breast feeding, it’s quieter, less hassle and once I’d worked it out I could almost sleep while baby fed - eyes closed, relaxed, quiet, in bed- rather than faffing with warmers and bottles in a cold kitchen in the middle of the night with the light on.

He needs to sleep on the sofa or at his mum’s

Tell him it’s practice for the next few years of his life
That or tell him he’s an ignorant self absorbed big baby himself.

Actually just both

What a selfish twat. No doubt he thinks your breast are for his pleasure only and is probably jealous of your baby. He obviously has no knowledge of how breastfeeding works. He's trying to undermine what you are doing. Your baby is doing what babies do. My son was still waking in the night for a feed at 2.5 years. Breast milk is so easily and quickly digested that feeding more often is necessary. Feeding at night is vital in hormone production and milk supply. Your baby will settle eventually to less nighttime feeds but not for a good while. Don't forget breastfeeding isn't just about milk. Your boyfriend needs to grow up, read up, and fuck off onto the sofa.

I bottle fed my youngest and she was exactly the same. It's just what little babies do - how you feed them won't change that!