are we ready? this is driving me crazy?

[allatsea]

we started trying to potty train dd (2y 6m)on Sunday. Every time she had a success we clap and cheer and have a big hug and put a sticker on the chart etc etc, and when she has an accident we say never mind, next time we'll try to get all the wee wee in the potty. She had 5 successes and 9 accidents. On Monday she had 4 accidents and 5 successes, Tuesday 3 accidents and 3 successes, then yesterday 4 accidents and no successes. Sometimes she'll come and sit on the potty quite happily for 20 minutes, other times she screams and runs away. She has never instigated a trip to the potty. With the accidents today, and the two this morning we were talking about the potty and i asked her if she needed a wee wee about a minute before the accident. She said 'no' each time then wee-weed on the floor. She has developed some bladder control - she can go a couple of hours without needing to do a wee, but refusing to use the potty then having an accident is driving me crazy (although, obviously I am very calm with dd) - is this worth carrying on with or should I leave it for now? (When I asked dd is she wanted to wear a nappy or wear her pants and use her potty she said that she wanted to be Bill and that I could be Ben!)

I think I would be tempted to leave it for a while but leave the potty out and ask what she would prefer to wear and just not mention it to her until she starts to talk about it

We're in exactly the same boat and need the same advice (I'm not hijacking - honest - mutual support might just keep me sane right now). We started Monday and after no successes and about 17 accidents, I asked her reasonably but exasperatedly why she hadn't told me she needed the potty or why she'd said she didn't need a wee. I know she's only 2 and this is all new to her, but I'd had it with wiping up the wee by then. I'm worried that that spooked her.

Tues and Wed she was at nursery and although she sat on the potty when asked, she held on until the floodgates burst dramatically all over the floor. Tuesday evening when she was in her bedtime nappy she braced herself and pooed for about 10 minutes. Yesterday and today no poos at all. One mega wee in the toilet last night - virtually pan-busting strength, but none today.

I feel so guilty about the whole holding on thing - she clearly can't link the words "holding on" and "letting go" with the feelings/actions yet.

We've been planning this week for a while now and talking to her about it and she loves her big girl knickers, but I think we might have to go back to nappies at the weekend if she's no better - or is that defeatist? We've tried a range of potties, books, charts, chocolate buttons, toliet seats, Barbie knickers - but still she just jiggles and concentrates on keeping it all to herself. I know we shouldn't expect her to be trained in a day, I'm just worried all this holding on isn't good for her.

\we used pull up with knickers over the top which seemed to help - dd was worriedabour accidents and this seemed to help her not worry

I too am in potty training hell! My 3 yr old boy is being a nightmare, he will sit on the big loo with a trainer seat for hours, happy to be there (and I realise this is progress in itself!) but won't wee, then gets down and pees on the carpet. I was interested by allatsea saying she obviously keeps calm in front of dd because I find it really hard! He is due to start at a playgroup where they won't take kids with nappies in a couple of weeks and we have already postponed twice! This is putting me under stress and I suppose I should just accept that he may not manage it by then but he has the control - today he didn't wee from 9.30 until 2.00pm! - but he seems to be choosing not to use it helpfully! my daughter who is now nearly 6 was dry after two days at 2 and a hlf, so this is very different and very stressful.

Allatsea how do you stay calm, i lost it this evening when he pooed having just got down form the loo!

I regularly put DS (2yrs 8mths) on potty - say about every hour and a half - rather than waiting for him to say he wants to go. We also go before we go out anywhere, before and after naps. He is actually OK on poos now, but very irregular on wees (went swimming the other day and he must have swallowed a hell of a lot of water, because he wee-ed about every half hour afterwards - lots of accidents that day!). He often says he doesn't want to go and then produces a prodigious amount! If you are happy (and your DD is happy) doing this, then I'd persevere. But if your DD is getting very phobic about the potty and wees, esp if they are hanging on until they get a nappy on, then I'd leave it a while. DS has been happy to sit on a potty since beg of the year eg before bath, but we really only pushed the pants thing a few months ago. Have to admit, it is nice not having a smelly nappy bin in DS's bedroom anymore - and the amount of rubbish we put out has dropped dramatically.

I bought a Dorling Kindersley book 'My Potty Book for Girls' (there's one for boys too). I gave up the 'cold turkey' approach that I'd started last week (straight into pants) and now she's back in pull ups with potty and book available and in view at all times. Seems to have worked, she sits down and I read book (approx 10 times each session) while she does the business. The book has pictures of real children on potties which has obviously inspired her! She's 2yr 5months.

we went back to nappies yesterday and as soon as we arrived at dd friends house she grabbed her nappy, looked at me imploringly. I rushed her to my friends bathroom and she promptly did a poo in the potty! Later she grabbed her nappy again, stood still and waited to see the wee fall to the floor, but as she was in nappies this didn't happen. When we got home I asked her if she needed to do a wee, and we were back to her saying 'no' before the question was even asked. We've decided to leave it for a couple of weeks, since she was getting a bit stressed by it all. We thought that we might try pull-ups not because they might train her, but because she needs the practice pulling her pants up and down.
Keeping calm? Well, perhaps all I do is try to cover it up. You will know when I am having a high stressed day because I walk around singing very loudly to try and block out the horrors that surround me!

found this site quite useful yesterday -

potty problems

Thanks for the link allatsea, it's always handy to have as many reference points as poss with this sort of thing, if only to remind you that all of the obstacles you encounter are 'normal' and none are unique to your own little horror! We'll keep trying! And as I have read hundreds of times, there are few children who are wearing nappies at school!

a friend reassured me yesterday - she said that if you wait until they go to college, peer pressure will sort them out over night!

Emmagee your posting on Thursday could have been me - our children are almost the same age and I am toilet training my ds too - he will be 3 in 3 weeks. I've been "training" him for a couple of months with varying levels of success (my dd was dry and clean night and day at age 2 years 3months IN A FORTNIGHT) so I was also at end of tether! Today is a wonderful day however, he has not had any accidents at all, told me every time he needed to go. I am a happy mama tonight, we are finally getting somewhere!

Emmagee your posting on Thursday could have been me - our children are almost the same age and I am toilet training my ds too - he will be 3 in 3 weeks. I've been "training" him for a couple of months with varying levels of success (my dd was dry and clean night and day at age 2 years 3months IN A FORTNIGHT) so I was also at end of tether! Today is a wonderful day however, he has not had any accidents at all, told me every time he needed to go. I am a happy mama tonight, we are finally getting somewhere!