3 year old keeps poohing everywhere

[miranda2]

My son is three and a month, and has been in pants except for bed for the last four months or so. We were having an average of about one accident a day, and it seemed to be getting very slowly better, so i was happy to just leave it. But he STILL doesn't seem to know in advance when he is going to pooh, and does it in his pants most days. That is bad enough, but as i say i can live with it and was trying to be laid back and assume he'd slowly get the hang of it. He has always been reliable naked - it seems to be the pants that confuse him (i've tried the 'going commando' approach but that doesnt' seem to help and makes much more mess as you have to clear it off his legs etc rather than it all being contained in the bum area by the pants!). Then this morning he called to me and was standing on his bench in a pool of urine and turd - i really lost it and started screaming at him, which i'm sure hasn't helped matters! But what on earth can i do? Do you think it will get better slowly, or should i take him to the doctor in case there is some medical problem? He seems fine with urine, it is just poohs that he is almost totally un-trained on - exactly the opposite of what all the books say! I tried a starchart a couple of months ago but he didn't seem very interested - just got upset if he didn't get a star sometimes, or said 'thats ok, i'll not have a star', and i ended up getting even more frustrated. It just seems to me that a three year old of at least average intelligence and development should be able to get at least half his poohs in the potty or toilet!!! Any help/advice?

Hi Miranda, much sympathy. Have you tried going with him to buy some pants and letting him choose some with his favourite character on? Then if he soils his nice Bob the Builder (or whatever!) pants, he has to wear boring plain ones, that might be an incentive to keep them clean.

Or perhaps he is just not ready? In which case it might be easier for you just to go back to nappies for a while.

Miranda2, your ds sounds exactly like my dd1 - totally sorted with wees but pooed in her pants every day. It's incredibly hard to keep calm about it (and I'm afraid I didn't on more than one occasion), so don't beat yourself up about it. Is he fairly regular with his poos (can't quite believe I'm typing this)? Have you tried sitting him every day at the same time? Also, some children really don't like to be watched while they're on the loo - eventually my dd1 managed it after I put her on the loo with a stack of books and told her to get on with it. I don't have any magic answers I'm afraid but I would persevere, you've got this far...

stickynote - thanks, its reassuring that at least he's not alone!
I've tried the character pants thing,ane even let him fabric paint on some plain white ones to create 'ownership' - nah, no difference!
Will persevere, but pooh everywhere is just grim (an d washing it out of the pants - icky....).

I ended up getting about 30 pairs of really cheap pants so I could just throw them away! Still got some left, so I think the fact that it then became less of a big deal to me and I really DIDN'T care probably helped the situation.

Oh, you poor poor love. How horrible. Don't beat yourself up for shouting - poo is just vile to deal with.

Are pull-ups any good? Or is it just worth giving up? I think quite a few three year olds do get confused, you know.

I thought dd1, who's a bit older, was a dream to potty train till we had several poo-in-pants while walking home incidents. Yuk. Yuk. Yukkerama.

Miranda2, my son is younger than yours (he'll be 3 at the end of September) and not as far on the potty training track, but I'm having a similar problem.

He knows when he's going to pooh, but won't do it in the potty. He'll squat behind a door, pooh, then clean it up and put it in the toilet.

I'm going to try to get him to do this in the bathroom (not necessarily on the toilet). He doesn't like anyone around when he poohs, so getting him on the toilet will be a bit harder. He doesn't like using his potty either -- just the big toilet. After he poohs, we'll do the bottom wipe, flush and wash hands, so he'll have that half of the routine down. At least it will easier to clean up. When (if) he gets that down, we'll move onto the poohing on the toilet. Anyway, it's just a thought (suggested to me by my SIL who had horrible problems with her son).

Good luck and huge sympathies. Pooh cleaners of the world unite! There should be a product (some sort of carpet cleaning wipes?) for this.

And a special nose peg.

Oh god I hate poo. I hate it less now I've had two children but I hate it so much.

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I was given a good tip about getting poo out of carpet, biological washing liquid .. it eats the pooh!

Before this I had tried everything

6yrs later, I assume the poo is a distant memory...

My son is another one who doesn't like being watched while he's having a poo! He tells me to go away lol. Just a thought but are you using a potty or toilet? My son hated doing his poos in a potty but as soon as I realised it was a problem and got him sitting on the toilet to do his business he became completely reliable. Now he's 100% reliable with poo (less so with wee.....!)

If you can't work out the problem and it's stressing you both out, why not try pull-ups for a while? He'll get it when he's ready

HTH
Z x