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Original poster

DP said something strange...

53 replies

Sj76201 · 13/10/2018 16:54

Recently my DP and I have been speaking about how a lot of people we know with kids are not together anymore and although we have had a lot of bad points in our relationship we are trying to work through them..

Anyways.. today in the car our DD is 2 and was playing up loads and screaming. DP has got “man flu” and is in a bad mood and shouted to DD that it’s stuff like that (meaning her crying) that makes people split up

Is that a strange comment to make because ur child is crying?!

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IStandWithPosie · 13/10/2018 19:39

Sad I’m sorry OPs but this doesn’t look good at all. She could only add him on FB because he accepted the request. If he didn’t want her in his life he would have blocked her on everything. He didn’t, for 8 years. Now he’s messaging her on a daily basis, including photographs. After he had an emotional affair that you’ve forgiven him for.

In your shoes I wouldn’t wait for him to end it. I would put him out now.

C0untDucku1a · 13/10/2018 19:42

I read the first post and thought he is planting the seed that youll separate so it wont come as a total
Shock.

The ex-girlfriend was not the problem. He could have easily blocked her. He chose not to. Why would he do that? Honestly think why would you not block someone, when it is so easy to do, if theyre such a problem? Because he didnt want to.

Original poster
Sj76201 · 13/10/2018 20:06

I just dont know what to do guys Sad

He leaves for work next week and he will be away for 30 days (works in a foreign country) he is much better at communicating his feelings over text and face to face he will tell me whatever I want to hear

Should I text him about it once he has left?

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IStandWithPosie · 13/10/2018 20:20

If he is having an emotional affair again, what does that mean for you? Would you forgive it again? Or would you end the relationship?

Original poster
Sj76201 · 13/10/2018 20:29

It has taken me over a year and a half to forgive him since the last time, I couldn’t go through that again.

We also have a wedding booked for 2020 and 2 beautiful children, it just breaks my heart that he could make this mistake again

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OurMiracle1106 · 13/10/2018 20:32

Thing with Snapchat is that everything gets deleted as soon as it’s read. You can never be sure whether or not someone has messaged someone back. Just because he doesn’t do it in front of you doesn’t mean he hasn’t responded.

Also why has he even got his ex on his snap? I think he’s wanting to leave.

IStandWithPosie · 13/10/2018 20:35

Ok. Let’s deal with what we know. He is in daily contact with his ex who has caused problems throughout your relationship ship. Is that ok with you? Can you accept that will be part of your relationship? Did he have the affair with her a year ago?

Haworthia · 13/10/2018 20:37

It’s a completely bizarre thing to say. Even when I’ve been so ground down by a child screaming that I would gladly have thrown myself out of a moving car (Wink) I would never have thought “This makes me want to walk out of my marriage”.

I think it’s very telling that this is at the forefront of his mind, to be honest. I think you do need to talk about it, but how you broach it is your call.

IStandWithPosie · 13/10/2018 20:38

it just breaks my heart that he could make this mistake again

This makes it sounds like he dropped plate because he forgot to dry his hands. Contacting his ex isn’t a mistake, it’s a totally deliberate choice.

Soubriquet · 13/10/2018 20:42

He’s away for long periods of time

He comes home and suddenly he loses all his free time and being jack the lad with no responsibility

He’s planning on leaving

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Sj76201 · 13/10/2018 21:26

Our miracle - when I click on her name on Snapchat it says add as friend, so he doesn’t have her as a friend but she’s still able to send them for some reason. I know she should be blocked, I asked him years ago to block her and it obviously never happened

Poise - no I can’t accept that. No that was an online chat with a random woman not from this area, it wasn’t her.

Haworthia - I know it’s like he just blurted it out but never meant to, not sure whether he means it or not

Soubriquet - only time will tell I suppose

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IStandWithPosie · 13/10/2018 21:28

no I can’t accept that.

Ok, so that’s what he’s doing right now. If he admits it and apologises can you forgive him (again) and try and move on?

SinkGirl · 13/10/2018 21:33

You need to talk to him about all this, sooner rather than later - don’t sit stewing on it while he leaves the country for a month. Find out where you stand and take back control of this situation.

IStandWithPosie · 13/10/2018 21:35

Yes you do definitely need to speak to him before he goes away. Don’t let him go without having this discussion.

Original poster
Sj76201 · 13/10/2018 21:41

I know it seems as if I’m being a wimp but I just hate doing anything face to face with him

He can be very manipulative and would try and turn this around to make me in the wrong. I’m going to send him an email once he leaves for work, and then I will have everything in writing including his reply.

Thank you for all of the replies... I appreciate them Flowers

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IStandWithPosie · 13/10/2018 21:54

I don’t think you’re being I wimp at all. You’re in a horrible situation. If having a paper trail is the best way for you then do it that way.

C0untDucku1a · 14/10/2018 19:34

he can be very manipulative is enough to end the relationship.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/10/2018 07:49

Yes I think the "he is very manipulative" comment and the fact that you're afraid to confront him face to face tells you that you have much bigger problems here.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/10/2018 07:52

Oh lord I've just read that he works away, month on, month off. (Guessing oil industry?). OP brace yourself. Sorry but I have a bad feeling

Original poster
Sj76201 · 15/10/2018 13:19

Yes oil industry.. I will be writing my email tomorrow once he has left Sad

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BitOutOfPractice · 15/10/2018 13:22

I thought so. If you'd like to PM me op I'd be glad to talk to you. I have direct personal experience of this exact situation Sad

PlinkPlink · 15/10/2018 13:50

Oh OP this is awful. You picked up on the strangeness though, well done. Some people would ignore it. Did you open that Snapchat in the end?

I think the above advice is good. Brace yourself and start preparing things. Copies of documents etc. Just in case.

We're here for you to vent too. If things go pear shaped... We're here if you need us.

Original poster
Sj76201 · 15/10/2018 17:52

Bitoutofpractice - thank you, that’s so lovely of you Flowers

Plinkplink - yes I did there was 3, 2 that she sent at night.. one photo was a dessert, another was a drink (alcoholic) then in the morning she sent a photo of a breakfast area saying mmm breakfast (must have been staying at a hotel).. surely you don’t send someone loads of Snapchats like that if u don’t usually speak to them? Thank you, I appreciate that Flowers

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PlinkPlink · 15/10/2018 18:32

Was it actual snaps in the chat bit? Not just her story?

If it was the former, then it's definitely a bit odd. If that is the case, I would say he is definitely taking to her. But then that leads to the other questions... why hide it? Why lie? Why continue to lie? How long has he been chatting for? It doesn't make him very trustworthy.

If it's just in her story, then that looks slightly better but again I'd ask why has he been hiding it? Why has he been following her story? Why hasn't he blocked her?

Either way it's doesn't look good, I don't think...

Original poster
Sj76201 · 15/10/2018 18:48

Yeah it’s snaps she has sent directly to him, nothing on her story...I haven’t been able to look at his phone again today as I’ve been working. Il try again later. Hate living my life like this Sad

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