How do you handle bedtime with a newborn and 4 year old?

[NorthernLassie21]

I'm really struggling with this and could do with some tips. DS is almost 5 and DD is 9 weeks. We're living in NZ at the moment and I don't have any support. DS goes back to kindy on Monday after 2 weeks of holiday and I'd like to try to get some sort of routine going to save me from this chaos.

DS normally has his dinner at 5/5.30, tv then shower, bed and story at 7/7.30pm. DD is unsettled from about 5pm and wants to feed but won't sleep. It's really hard to focus on DS at this time and he gets fed up with DD if she is crying and he doesn't get a story. I put her in the front pack which helps. DH doesn't get home until about 7ish so isn't much help. DH and I eat dinner about 8/8.30ish if I've managed to make anything.

DD just dozes in the evening but doesn't like being put down. So far she doesn't settle in her bassinet until after the 11pm feed, then she will sleep til about 6am. So I go to bed late but its worth it for her long sleep. But should I be trying to put her to bed earlier? Do I do bedtime for DS first, then focus on DD and try to get her settled in her bassinet about 8/8.30pm? So far DD just gets a bath as and when, but should I be doing the whole bath and bed routine each night, and before or after DS goes to bed? And when do DH and I eat? I was thinking I ought to try having tea with DS at 5.30 but its so early. I have got into bed with DD sometimes in the evenings and we've both had a sleep.

Sorry this is a long post but I just feel I haven't a clue what to do at the moment. What do other people do? TIA

Your DH needs to help. He gets in at 7 and I know it's hard but he has to take the baby at 7.30 and DS can have his story at that point. OR DH reads to DS. Which would be ideal since he's not seen his Dad all day.

Is there a reason why your DH hasn't been helping thus far?

As for DD, I think it's fine for her to doze in her bassinet but I would try to put the bassinet in a darkened room.

DS should not be eating alone...so when he has his tea, you could sit at the table with him and have a cup of tea and a small bit of what he's having.

We do them both together. We have dinner about 6:30-7 and then my dh does bath and bedtime for our 5 yo and I do baby (he only has a bath about twice a week, so it’s mostly just a wipe down, nappy change, into clothes and sleeping bag for bed). Then they’re usually both ready for bed about the same time (7:30 ish) and asleep by 8 ish. We each do bedtime with one. We have a family supper together every night, but if dh is late getting home, he’ll just shove food in quickly while older one is in the bath or after she’s in bed. It made most sense that they were both on the same schedule and going to bed at the same time otherwise it would just be a nightmare with one waking the other. Occasionally, our 7 month old needs a late nap around 5-6 to last until 8, but that’s fine.

When it’s just me and dh is away, I do it the same, getting ds ready while older one is in the bath and then I carry him with me while I get her out and dressed for bed. He’ll sit on my lap while I read her bedtime stories. I’ve put the fear of god in her not to come out of her room after that so I can get him to sleep next (and as it’s novel that I do her bedtime, it mostly works!). Then I feed him and get him to sleep. Generally though, we tag team it, which is the only sensible way.

Thanks for that, I've got the basis of a plan now so feel a bit more in control. To be fair to DH he does help but gets home late. He's promised to get home a bit earlier to get DS to bed.

My kids are 20 months apart. I would breast feed my ds as a newborn while my dd got milk from a bottle next to me. And then I had to let her watch tv for ten mins while I quickly settled baby to bed by plugging him with a dummy. Poor guy didn’t get much attention, but he slept as long as he had the dummy. Then I would go to my dd. His bedtime was 6:30pm and my dd was 7pm. My dh works crazy hours so I’m left to do all on my own. My kids are older now, but those days were tough!