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Stranger/separation anxiety. I'm done in.

4 replies

AgentCooper · 13/10/2018 13:05

DS is one and since he was about 8 months he has not been happy around any adult who is not me, DH or his granny (my mum). He won't let anyone else hold him. Usually he will be OK if other adults are in the room as long as one of us three is also present but on some occasions he's not happy at all and basically screams if the other person even looks at him.

We went to lots of activities during my mat leave (I've just gone back part time) and if the activity leader ever needed to pick him up (to sit him on a wee slide or soft play block) he would just wail. The HV and others have told me it's normal at this age, but why then do I not see other babies doing it at our groups? All the other babies will engage with the activity leaders in some way, sit on their knees, let them tickle them. Having people over is exhausting because he won't let me out of the room to make tea or go to the toilet. It sounds terrible to say it but I actually feel embarrassed that he won't sit with any of his aunties or his other granny if I have to go to the loo. He has to come with me. It's actually easier if I don't have people round or go to see friends because I can leave him playing quite happily (in a safe place) while I do things if it's just us two or his dad/granny. But if anyone else is there - no chance. Not seeing people is obviously not the answer though, and it would make me absolutely miserable.

Being back at work 3 days has been good for me. I've only been back 2 weeks but it feels like such a break. When it gets to Thursday I actually feel sorry that I won't be in the next day, and I feel dreadful saying that. I thought about increasing my hours to 4 days as I'm enjoying being back so much but I don't feel it's possible because I couldn't ask my mum to take him 4 days (she takes him 3 days and I know it's very tiring as he's still not at ease with my dad) and I feel there is absolutely no chance he'd be alright at nursery, and don't want him to get seriously distressed.

Apart from just needing a rant (thanks for reading), I have to ask - has anyone else's baby been like this, so distressed around people he knows but isn't as close to? Did it get better? When? HV says there's nothing I could/should be doing as it's a natural phase but I'm just exhausted. We're going to a friend's house tomorrow and I'm dreading him screaming if I need the loo and having to tell my friend he won't be OK with her holding him. And hoping there's no one to one interaction required between activity leaders and babies at our Gymboree class on Monday.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LondonLassInTheCountry · 13/10/2018 13:06

It is normal and it will pass. Give it time

AgentCooper · 13/10/2018 13:10

Thanks London Flowers This is what I'm told. I reckon we must move in quite extraordinary baby circles considering none of the other babies act like DS at our groups or at friends' houses!

I hate to moan, he is a lovely, lovely wee guy. It's just exhausting. My sister was round last night and it was rough.

OP posts:
pacempercutiens · 14/10/2018 21:35

My DD had a phase like this in June/July (wouldn't go to anyone except me, DH or MIL) - I then took a break from work and groups over the summer and the phase was over when normal life resumed again mid-late September. So it started at 8 months ish and was over by 11-12 months old

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KatyN · 14/10/2018 21:49

It comes in fits and starts. My daughter was a bit like this, thorn she got over me and now she’s constantly attached to me again. She’s nearly three. If i’m At home no one else will do. I work 4 days a week and she’s fine then.
I also loVE going to work and not having someone attached to me.

I know it will pass and i’ll Miss being favourite but it is so tiring! Kx

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