Concerned about neighbors baby ?

[bbyvegan]

I don't want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but I'm growing concerned for my neighbors baby.

My boyfriends next door neighbors had a son about 4-5 months ago, we aren't close to them but they've always seemed nice, we never heard the baby cry but for the past few months the baby screams all the time, pretty much and not just a wail, full on crying for lengths of time each time, I know the baby is crying loudly as previously we never head him, and I'm starting to worry maybe something else is going on.

My daughter hardly cried when she was a baby so I don't know if I'm just worried over nothing but I feel like the baby cries a lot, and it's not every crying it's full on screaming, I just don't know what to do, I'm scared that it's not my buisness but also worried that something else is going on as my mother in law and boyfriend have also commented on the babies constant crying

Any advice would be appreciated, also please no nasty messages about me sticking my nose in, this is with the best intentions as I'm of concerned about this new baby.

Try and find a reason to go around. Ask to borrow something. Get into conversation. Ask if she wants to come round for a coffee or go for a walk.
Baby could be teething or have reflux.

Does the crying happen at certain times or when both mum and dad are home?

Hopefully everything is ok

I would try not to mention the crying as she may take it as a complaint or criticism.

@MadeForThis I could do that, I'm slightly hesitant as there's been a lot of issues with parking on the street and there feels quite hostile attitude that everyone has to each other so I'd be nervous to go around, I don't know, baby could possibly have an issue like that, my daughter had terrible reflux, colic and issues with teething and she never cried how this baby does, just for example I've been at my boyfriends for the past 2 and a half hours and the baby has been crying pretty much non stop, there's some breaks that last about 5 - 10 mins, then a wail and then it carries on, but it's pretty much constant, I just can't see why a baby would cry that much, I don't know, just worried.

Can you contact a local health visitor? They all know each other so if you contact the one attached to your gp, they would pass on a message.

That's a lot of crying. Mine never cried for that long but you do hear of babies that do.

If I had to cope with a baby crying that much I would appreciate a visitor.

Do they get many people coming to visit or does she seem to get out much. It sound like she needs some support.

Please don't go round under the pretence of wanting to borrow something, that is so hideously patronising and the mum will know instantly. As a mum of a 5 month old, I know the worry only too well that when my baby cries, its probably being heard by next door. I would be mortified beyond belief if next door knocked and mentioned they had heard the crying.

If you haven't seen or heard anything to make you worry, don't get involved. If you genuinely want to extend a hand of support, then do soz, but perhaps bump into them in the street or make small talk with the father first.

Babies cry. Just because yours cried less doesn't mean there is something going on. I understand your post is coming from a kind heart but please tread with care.

My ds rarely cried, but my dd cried all the time a lot and very loudly. She had hidden reflux and was truly screaming and inconsolable for hours on end. I brought her to the GP and HV in the UK who had no useful advice, but eventually I brought her to a pediatrician in the US and they put her on a special stay down formula that helped quite a bit, but she was almost 6 months when that finally happened. Then as dd got a little older, she got night terrors and would scream in the night like someone was torturing her. I am so grateful for Mumsnet where I learned that it was night terrors and not something that I was doing wrong.

All of this is to say that there could be many legitimate reasons why the baby is crying all the time and/or the parents may not have the access to the resources for help if needed. I know that I would have been grateful for a neighbor coming by to offer help when things were really bad.

Be genuine. Knock on the doir, hand over some cookies and say I won’t come in, I don’t want to intrude, but I remember the baby days - would you like to come round for a cup of tea one afternoon or morning , whichever suits baby best? I won’t be offended if the idea doesn’t suit you :) . Swap numbers if she seems amenable, smile and leave.

There was a similar thread recently. A little human kindness never hurts, if she doesn’t welcome it no skin off your nose and no need to take it personally, you tried and you don’t really know how tough she’s finding it.

I honestly don't know what to do, I know that just because my daughter cried less that there could be nothing going on, it just seems very constant, very distressed cries. My daughter is only just one, so it's not like I'm thinking she didn't cry and my memory is off, she has a lot of support, I've seen her mother taking her out multiple times and she lives with her husband, I'm just concerned but also concerned about sticking my nose where it's not wanted, I'm sure if it was you in position you'd be thinking the same, especially when the cries are so constant, I feel bad for the mother and also for the baby, I'm a young mum so I doubt I'd patronise her, I'm just scared if I do nothing and there is something wrong that something worse could come of it.

She's an older mother as well so I'm scared of coming across like I'm judging her and her taking a dislike to me, I don't want to offend I'm honestly just concerned x

If you are concerned then I would contact the local health visiting team and express your concerns and leave it at that. Anything further would alienate people and cause potential problems. My son cried for the first 2 months due to reflux and now as a toddler is in the nasty habit of screeching and tantrums. My 8 week old however is as quiet as a mouse so hopefully it's just a case of every child being different.

My baby was balling his eyes out for hours on end at around 6 months. I wasn’t mistreating him. I would have been mortified if a neighbour came round to check that I wasn’t an abusive parent.

Maybe they are sleep training. Maybe the baby is ill.

Is there any other reason why you are concerned apart from the crying?

My daughter had silent reflux and screamed round the clock. There was nothing I could do about it. I still feel majorly pissed off when I remember the woman three doors down commenting that I have a screamer.

I don't know what to suggest really. The health visitor might be a good shout. Say you're NOT saying there's a safeguarding concern but you are worried the parents may need support for such a screamy child. My health visitor knew about my daughter's screaming so would have known that I wasn't being neglectful etc.

Oh god is it my DS? He used to be an angel but has sprouted 3 teeth in the last 3 weeks and is working on a couple more so has turned in to a very cute but noisy screaming demon at times. I hope it's not us. He is very much loved and well cared for, but he does cry a lot at times!

I'd call the heath visitor just to let them know you are concerned. They are better placed to pop round/offer support than you are.

My next door neighbour had a baby about 6 months before me and I used to hear their baby cryingoads at night... I used to think it seemed excessive. But then my daughter arrived and sometimes she cries for the whole bedtime routine which can be around 45 mins - 1 hour... Not most nights but sometimes. And when that happens I get paranoid that my neighbour on the other side (without a child) might wonder about why my baby is crying in the same way I wondered about next door with the baby! My DD is teething now too, she has her first 2 teeth coming through and is utterly miserable

But OP... If you're really unsure maybe make a lot or get your bf to do that and then call a local heath visitor or something for some advice. I understand why you may not want to leave things without taking action. Unfortunately there are bad people so you can never assume things are fine and dandy I suppose.. We're not there to hear what you're hearing so trust your gut.

crying loads *that meant to say!

@FoxgloveStar

I'm not going to go around to her house and tell her she's an abusive parent, I'm just aware that the first few months we hardly heard their baby cry and then suddenly their baby cries all day, during the night, and that to me, feels excessive, meaning I'm worried about the well-being of the baby.

Why don't you just go over and offer a small gift and some help and stop ruminating over what to do.

Did you decide what to do?