Toxic, Narassictic Ex Sabotages Father Daughter Relationship

[Ropeyfuture]

Hi All,

New here and looking for some feedback.

Situation; Separated father with perental responsibility. Divorced 8 years Daughter 11 yr old. For the past 8 years Ex wife has supervised contact herself on a monthly basis, for unknown reasons.

During this period I have missed a few visits due to affordability or severe weather conditions as the distance between myself and daughter is over 400 miles.

During visits on most occasions I've slept in the car as I can't afford to pay for hotels. Consistently paying maintenance every month and never missed a payment.

Ex's behaviour is extremely narrsicitic and hostile towards me. Both parties are now in new relationships.

Just received a phone call this afternoon, extremely rude and vile towards me Infront of daughter slating me using abusive language, due to my recent missed visit (affordability).

I'm on a relatively low income and struggle to keep my head above the water.

Never has ex offered to meet halfway nor will ex let my daughter meet my new partner of 5 years.

Is it just me or is this behaviour controlling?

Some advice would be welcomed as I feel I've let this fester for far to long how should l proceed.

Sounds pretty controlling...why the 400mile distance? Did you move or did she?

Who has supervised contact you or your ex?

Why have you allowed this to go on for 8 years? The courts would likely have given you more rights. Why supervised contact? What's in your past?

. Poor OP. Must feel like your on 20 Questions.

I'd go to court tbh.

I don’t understand the points in your post. Who has the child, who has supervised contact, why is that unknown..

I think he means the the ex-wife supervises his contact with DC.

Unless there is a massive back story to you only being allowed supervised contact i would go to court and get a child arrangements order in place.

Where has the OP gone?

Thanks for all the replys,

Not really much of a back story we separated, ex moved closer to her family up North.

Definitely considering a court order.

The problem with the court route now is that A) you've had an arrangement in place for 8 years which means it's well established and therefore she could argue doesn't need to change and B) your DD is now old enough to have a say and it makes court orders more difficult to enforce.

As she moved away from you your ex should have been responsible for at least some of the travelling or the cost of travel or it should have been taken into account in the amount of maintenance paid.

There is no good reason for a parent to insist on supervising contact themselves. If there is a (proven) safeguarding issue it should not be her supervising. If there are no safeguarding issues there is not requirement for supervision. It is very controlling.

Legally she has not right to stop you from introducing your DD to your partner.

I'm still struggling to understand why you have let this continue for 8 years though.

My DH has 2 kids from a PR. For the past 10 years (as long as I've known them) he's always been the one to pick up AND drop DC's on a weekend. When I suggested Mum should either drop off on a Friday OR pick up on a Sunday, DH always replies:It's just easier this way.
Easier for who? I'd ask. But it's easy to let a situation "carry on" rather than rock the boat.
However
Your ex is being mean and controlling. You need to move closer to DD and stop "illegal" supervised visits by seeing DD waaay more often so u can build a strong bond...or stick it out, which is a rubbish option imo.