Going out of my mind cup feeding - please help

[somersetgirl2018]

Hi,

Please help - I’m at the end of my tether and feel like an awful mother. My DS is 5 days old and won’t latch on to feed. The hospital’s feeding team have told me to cup feed him expressed milk and keep trying to latch him on once I’ve pumped. He gets so upset and frustrated when he’s rooting for the milk, which in turn really upsets me. The cup feeding is a disaster - he gets really bad wind and hiccups, and again gets really upset. I tried feeding him this morning and we both ended up almost hysterical. I feel like the worst mother in the world - it’s my job to be able to feed him and I just can’t. Do I give up cup feeding and trying to latch him on, and just start bottle feeding him expressed milk?

Honestly,!rhst was me 12 years ago, I didn’t last as long as you though! We bottle fed and it turned out at 3 weeks that he had a tongue tie. I don’t regret giving him a bottle.

I’d expressed and bottle fed my first and wasn’t going to do that again so he had formula.

Good luck. However you choose to feed it honestly will be fine

I've been in exactly your situation OP. It's SO frustrating.

We started bottle feeding expressed milk on day 6, which worked really well. DD just needed more food to give her the energy she needed to wake up and latch properly.

Prior to day 6 we were syringe feeding which sounds easier than cup feeding, so that could also be an option?

I can't remember exactly how we did it, but over time DD latched and I went on to breastfeed her for months. I'd NEVER have thought this was possible at day 5.

You're doing a fabulous job btw, and congratulations on your little one.

I put a muslin under my boob as my nipples point downwards and this helped them to point more up to help my daughter latch. Google the flipple technique, it may help x

Oh @somersetgirl2018 you are definitely not an awful mother! I have an 8 month old who wouldn't latch for the first 4 days. We syringe fed until I could latch him on and feed him myself. It still wasn't easy but easier than cup feeding so could be worth a try?

For what it's worth, I'm still breastfeeding him now BUT in hindsight those first few weeks took such a toll on me mentally. If you want to preserve then great and you'll both get there, but if it's causing you both a lot of distress then switching to bottles isn't the massive defeat it can feel like when you're in the middle of it.

Hello @somersetgirl2018. Congratulations on your new baby. I also have a DS who is 5 days old! He was assessed with a tongue tie in hospital. Did they have a look for you at that? As a PP has said, syringe feeding could be much easier if you haven't tried to yet. Our feeding team suggested doing that while getting to suck on a little finger so he associates sucking with milk. I would also recommend going today either to a breast feeding support group near you for help with latching, or back to the hospital you delivered in. Feeling like you are isn't good for you or baby and it is ok to demand help.
Ultimately though fed is best, so whatever you decide to do is the right answer for you and your baby.

You are doing Great!

My dd was exactly like this, she got so hungry and frustrated she just couldn't latch. I fed her a bit of expressed milk from a bottle to settle her then swapped her to boob. She'd improved her latch by about a week old and was fine from then.

If you can get to a support group in the next few days it will be helpful as they can check your positioning and give tips. Good luck!

We cup fed for the first few days as my daughter just got upset every time I tried to get her to latch on. I was so upset and felt useless but I got a pump and expressed into bottles and fed her that way, and also topped her up with formula when I couldn’t produce enough. Don’t feel you’re a bad mother YOU ARE NOT - It’s hard.

Oh OP, early breastfeeding days are so stressful, I really thought I was losing my mind :(

Is there any chance you could afford to see a lactation consultant? The one we used was like Mary Poppins, really understanding and reassuring at a tough time. They can check for tongue tie, it is really common, and can be fixed.

I agree with previous posters that syringe feeding works well. We had to do this for a few days before switching to pumping and giving the expressed milk in a bottle (MAM bottles were recommended). The relief was enormous when I could feed my baby in this way. One of the midwives assured me that there was no evidence that it would lead to nipple confusion, and for us it didn't.

With a huge amount of support we managed to go back to ebf and phase out the bottles. Still breast feeding now at 19 months. It can be done, but it doesn't have to be, it's ok to stop, it really really is.

If you a local la leche league group they often have meetings and often have a facebook group, which was invaluable in the early days.

Congratulations on your baby x

Put the milk in a bottle so he gets something to eat and keep trying to latch on, he'll get it. The cup feeding isn't working for either of you by the sounds of it. I can't imagine trying to cup feed a 5 day old baby, do they really advise this?

Thank you all so much for your advice and reassurance. I’ve found a helpline at our maternity unit and will ask for an emergency appt as soon as they’re open. It feels like I just can’t go on like this, so to know other mums have come out the other side is good to know. Thank you all x

Have a look at ‘paced bottle feeding’ if you still want to give breastfeeding a go. That’s what was recommended to me as it’s meant to be closer to breastfeeding, slightly more effort for the baby so they’re less likely to just instantly prefer a bottle.

Also, YouTube videos of different techniques were really helpful for me in the early days when I was struggling.

I can't stress enough that if you want to get there, you will. My baby had bottles of expressed milk before learning how to latch. Don't let the fear of "nipple confusion" get in your way. The only time I have heard it causing problems is when switching from EBF to expressed bottles a few months down the line. Those babies tend to refuse the bottle all together. We are still BF 11 months on. I hope you get the help you need.

I second syringe feeding but try to see a breastfeeding consultant

OP i really feel for you. My DS struggled when he was born as a result of a traumatic birth. He tried to latch, but I had no milk to give him as my body had gone into some sort of shock and we both were being treated for sepsis. It took 5 days for my milk to come in, at which time I had been trying to express and I was celebrating getting tiny 1ml syringes out of me to give him. It was a very stressful time and I like you, blamed myself for what felt like failing my baby.

Just keep perservering maybe with a bottle? We had to give DS formula top ups for maybe 3 weeks and some expressed milk when I could but persisted trying to get him to latch, then once we had 'got it' we have never looked back. He is now 1 year old and still breastfeeding. I would recommend getting some advice although always go with your gut. I had some people give me 'helpful' advice in hospital and looking back wish I had stood my ground abit more about how me and my son were treated.

You will be fine OP

We managed to get to see our hospital’s feeding team again today and they’ve given us the OK to use bottles to get DS ago learn to suck (and to stop me having a breakdown). They’ve also suggested using a nipple shield to encourage him to latch. We’ve done four bottles of expressed milk since then and I feel like a different woman!

That's great to hear! If your baby is full then he will have more energy to learn how to latch. My advice re expressed bottles came from neonatal nurses and they were right, it worked a treat for us also.

As my baby way prem we had to give liquid iron daily so once she was able to latch she would continue to have a 10ml bottle of breastmilk everyday (mixed with the oral iron). Since, she has never had a problem switching between the two. I would suggest that once you are feeding from the breast to try keeping a bottle feed in every day or two. Plus if you are able to freeze any expressed milk that is currently surplus, you can then you can use a defrosted bottle for a feed, pump a feed and have a continous supply of frozen built up in case of emergency etc.

I used to latch my baby from the side ( rugby ball ) at first as she didn't like to be lay across my front. So try out some different positions.

Keep expressing at regular times, maybe every 2 or 3 hours to sustain a good supply until your baby can latch.

One of the best things the infant feeding coordinator said to me was "wait for the baby to have a big open mouth and then latch asap".

Good luck on your journey.