I think I've ruined my daughter 😔

[HotFudge87]

Hi, this is not an easy write for me so please bare with me.

2 months ago I finished my nurse training and decided to move over 300 miles to be close to family. I'm a single mum to a 5 year old girl. The degree was tough with no support and dd dad had very little contact despite being close by. Myself and dd were very happy where we lived, but I made the choice to move for family connections and career opportunities. We now live with a relative who we both adore dearly and have settled in nicely.

Dd was doing really well at school and had made some solid friendships. She has always been sociable and will happily make friends at the park if there is no one there she knows.

The move for dd was a very reluctant move, and understandably so. However, after visiting her new school in the summer she was excited to start.

Since starting her new school I feel like her 'spark' has gone. She's happy to attend school but is never excited about it like she used to. She is struggling with friendships. She has made a couple of friends with older year groups but doesn't seem to mix with her own age.

The past couple of weeks I've had to work a lot of shifts. Dd used to go to sleep no problems, especially if someone sat in the room with her. Over the past 2 weeks, dd has started getting upset at bedtime, crying because she misses her friends and says she isn't close to anyone here. Some days she says she plays by herself, or she litter picks in the play ground. It breaks my heart that my social butterfly has disappeared.

I've bought her a CD player and audio books so she has something nice to listen to when she's off to sleep and she is still so upset. She cries for her friends, I ask her to go to sleep and she replies with 'but I love you' or wants a cuddle or to be in my bed.

I do sense she's needing quality time with me. We have not had a great deal recently which I know doesn't help. I guess I'm just out of ideas. Regretting the move that I thought would make us happier and also give me a stronger career whilst offering her more opportunities. She's just not the same happy girl that she once was and I don't know what to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

No advice...just

You're only two months in. Give yourself a break. Your DD will be fine. It's time, time with you, and supporting her with activities and making new friends that will help.

It's tough on you both. You absolutely need to be supported by family and have that network.

Is she in reception or year 1?

Thank you. She is in year 1. Her teacher says she has settled fine and is participating well in class. I've not spoken to her about this tho.

I'm finding it hard to spend quality time with her at the moment with work being so full on but making the most of every moment I can.

She really is everything to me, she gave me so much support when I needed it and now feel like I aren't doing the same for her. Just hurts to see her so upset.

We've moved school with a y1 kid twice. It takes them a full term to settle properly and not be asking to go back. I do find a trip back at half term removed the rose tinted glasses of what was remembered.

Can you arrange some play dates to soft play /park etc? Once she finds some friends in school that makes a huge difference.

I’m a Year One teacher and I’ve found that some children take a bit of time to adjust to Year One anyway. It may be nothing to do with the move. Try not to be too hard on yourself, we blame ourselves for everything as mums. You made the best decision at the time and it may well all turn out for the best. Even though you have less ‘quality time’ if you make sure there is at least one time a day when she can talk to you about whatever is on her mind, she will be okay.

We moved our daughter when she started year 1, she also cried because she missed her friends and also said she played by herself at breaktimes. Broke my heart and i did 2nd guess myself and wonder if we should have left her where she was instead of moving her to the village school.
I think it was a bit of a shock as well going from a school with 60 children in each year group to a school with only about 120 children in the whole school.
She's in year 4 now and she's ok, is excited to go in most of the time and she has lots of friends.
Your little girl will be ok, she'll just need some hugs in the meantime

Thank you for being so kind ☺️

I moved primary schools twice as a child and don't remember being upset, she usually adapts so well but also must remember she's only 5. She's usually so mature for her age I do forget sometimes.

I plan on play dates with the other children, hopefully I'll know the other mums soon enough. I rarely drop off at school due to work which I don't think has helped! X

You're doing fine with it OP- don't be so hard on yourself. She will settle in and forget all about Her old primary school. It might be worth mentioning To The class teacher that she is feeling a bit lonely socially just so she knows to keep an eye on her and maybe do a bit of matchmaking. She will be fine though

I second what penguinsaid says. You may have found that the change to year 1 would have unsettled her anyway. Children do find moving difficult, even if they are excited about it to begin with. Spend time with her. Don't try to do too much. Just be there.

Bless her heart, your daughter is still adjusting. These things take time but I bet you by the end of term, with Christmas looming, she will be fine.