Putting tantruming 18 month old is cot?

[blueberry71]

My 18 month old dd has just started having the most horrendous tantrums. Sometimes it's because she's tired or hungry so I obviously address that. However a lot of time it's because she doesn't get her own way. It starts off bad and turns into a complete meltdown for hours. I've tried everything from calming her down to giving her something to distract however that doesn't work. Anyway my mum told me to put her in her cot to let her calm down and realise who's boss. Do you think that's the way to go? For instance she's currently having a meltdown because I wouldn't let her climb down the stairs. I'm pulling my hair out now as to what to do.

The only reason I personally wouldn't / didn't do that, is in case she tries to climb out and is successful - and then your cot days are over - as are, potentially, your days of sleeping in past 5am! Also I never liked to associate sleeping areas with a sanction. I reeeeally love my sleep though and my older son was in his cot happily til 3.5! Other than that, if it works why not.

I have used the travel cot in this type of situation but always insight so I can see any climbing attempts. It's more for her safety than anything else and I keep talking to her to calm her down.

I wouldn’t. You want the cot to be associated as a pleasant relaxing place to be not as a place of punishment. At that age they’re too young for punishment, time outs (which aren’t great anyway.)

We deal with tantrums - and they can be epic ones, by basically being calm, ignoring the behaviour, and then being there for a hug when it burns out.

So example : child wants chocolate and is on the kitchen floor in full voice/howling/drumming feet on floor.

I tell him calmly ‘no love, no choc just now. We will have some at the weekend. Would you like to help me with (something distracting.)?’

If he carries on I just keep working around him, ignoring the behaviour but I’ll keep popping by and saying ‘I’m here when you want a hug/love you/we aren’t having chocolate until Saturday.’

It always burns out eventually.! Then a hug, then I distract him.

Don’t punish or sanction at this age. Bright and breezy and not giving in is the way

I'd put somewhere else safe.

Not a good idea imo. Children can’t think rationally at that age, and the meltdowns are usually from frustration, not from trying to intentionally disobey you. Have a read of “hand in hand”parenting website or Janet Lansbury, lots of effective methods of dealing with tantrums and the like.

I have an 18 month old who is exactly like this and a three year old as well, so I have been here before.

I never put them in a cot as a punishment. In my house bed is a safe, relaxing place and trapping them in it to show them who is boss doesn't really go with that. The tantrums at this age are dreadful but it does get better as their communication skills improve, my older DS got vastly easier to deal with around the age of two.

In the meantime it is imperative that you remain calm (even if you are screaming and tearing your hair out on the inside), the only way to be the 'boss' is to be calm and firm and rational when they are unable to be. Someone once told me that you have to imagine yourself as an anchor in a stormy sea. You show them what being in control of your emotions looks like. I don't really punish my 18 month old for tamtrumming, it's all they knew w how to do to express themselves and their frustrations. I just kind of ignore it, leave him to scream and thrash about (as long as he's safe obvs) and just get on with something else until it passes.

Thanks everyone! Yes I did think that the cot idea wasn't the best! And like one of the pp said I do not want to get into the habit of dd climbing out of the cot as that would be catastrophic to sleeping past 5am! I think I'll keep going with the calm approach. Just such a hard age she's at. Especially as I don't understand what she wants! Hopefully we'll get there in the end.

It's a really hard age. My DS just goes 'argh argh argh' and points at stuff til I figure out what he wants. If it's something he can't have (knives, the kettle, the cat...) then he goes bananas, it's very wearing. I like to do housework and compile shopping lists in my head while I ignore him but it's very frustrating and very hard not to shout 'just shut the fuck up will you!' at him...

@mistermagpie ha ha yes it's exactly like that! I feel like I have to have the patience of a saint at the moment. Doesn't help I'm 3 and half months pregnant and feel like a walking zombie as well!! Thank the lord for the 7.30 bedtime!

I personally wouldn't and the "show her who is boss" is really not my approach but I understand putting her somewhere safe for a minute if you are losing your mind.
I think maybe I would try to prevent them before they happen, for your sanity too. I know not easy but if you could identify the triggers?
Sorry, it is so hard!