Maid of honour with new baby

[KOBMUM]

Hi everyone
This is the first time I have posted on here so apologies if I have not started this thread in the right section.

I have just found out that I am around 5 weeks pregnant, (YIPPEE) and will be due around the 11ish of June 2019.
On the 25th July 2019 my best friend who lives about 280 miles away is getting married and has asked me to be her maid of honour.

I haven't told my friend that I am pregnant yet as it is still early days and we don't want to tell too many people.
However, I have been put in charge of organising a hen do at the beginning of April (she wants to go abroad) .

So, I have a couple of questions that hopefully someone will be able to give me advice on.

1. Would I be able to go abroad 7 months pregnant for the hen do?
2. Would you recommend I tell my friend about the pregnancy and see if she would like to either do it in the UK or tell her I wont be able to make it.
3. Once the baby arrives will I be able to make a journey that far for her wedding? I have the option of either flying (about a 45 minute journey) or driving up.
4. Do you think I will be able to manage a wedding with a baby so small?

Any help is much appreciated!

Thank you xxxx

I think it will be impossible to answer these questions until you get there and try these things.

For example I was all set up to continue as normal with my first pregnancy but I was floored with HG. Such a small thing, nausea, had a massive impact as it went on 24/7 and there was no relief. So, plenty of pregnant women can fly and go on holiday at seven months, but some cannot.

As for he baby, some are chilled, sleep and feed easily, while others are unputdownable screaming banshees!

I think you need to tell your friend ASAP and discuss options with her.

Totally agree with booboostwo. Do speak with your friend.

Some additional things to think of:- will you have the funds to go abroad shortly before having DC? Will you not need to save for baby items as well as less income while in maternity leave? Some use holiday time towards maternity leave so have you considered this?

As an aside, when I was maid of honour for a friend, I fell pregnant during the months between choosing the dresses and fitting ha / wedding. I was extremely lucky the dresses had sweet heart waist so the entire waist line /bottom half of the dress could be brought up to cover my bump (thankfully also I’m not tall).

Thanks for your advice, I think you are right, I will need to tell the bride sooner rather than later.

With regards to the hen do, it was only going to be a 2 nights away for a city break so money wise things wouldn't be an issue.

On the subject of the wedding itself, I guess I am just trying to find out if anyone else has traveled that far with a baby / if people think it is doable?

Thanks again

You almost certainly can't be MOH with a baby who could be less than 5 weeks old. I attended my best friends wedding when DD was exactly 4 weeks, luckily she snoozed through the ceremony but alternated between crying and breastfeeding for the whole of the drinks reception and meal.

You are likely but not certain to be ok to travel at 7 months, by that stage I had fairly bad SPD so walking was challenging, shocking heartburn, so eating and drinking weren't much fun, and was pure exhausted by about 8pm. But some women do marathons at 7 months, I would book it if you can afford to lose it.

Travelling with such a young baby can be a challenge. A long car journey is difficult as they are not supposed to stay in the car seat for very long and they need to feed quite often. Flying may be more sensible (I am not sure about ID requirements for babies on domestic flights). At the wedding you will need someone else to help with the baby and it will be difficult for you to concentrate on the bride with such a young baby even with another adult on duty. Then again the baby may love being passed around and may charm everyone by sleeping in their arms.

I personally would not. Because you just never know how things can go and it could turn a lovely thing into a stressful event 💙

Can you turn duties over to another bridesmaid to do the hen do? It’s not unusual for the MOH or best man to be unable to attend for whatever reason. My dh’s cousin just got married and another friend organised his stag because his best man lives abroad and couldn’t afford flights home for both the wedding and stag. These things happen. But then if you felt up to going you still could, but it wouldn’t all go pear shaped if you couldn’t as someone else would be in charge.

As for the wedding, it’s hard to know. You certainly will need a partner there to possibly walk around with baby during the ceremony. You’ll also need to make sure your friend would be happy to have a baby there with her while she gets ready. If she loves babies and there will be other children there, it will be fine probably. If she’s not really a baby person and wants more of an adult time before her ceremony, she may be less keen. You’ll also probably need to go home early. I was exhausted and in bed by 7 when both of mine were that age. I think it may just be talking to her and finding out what she envisions the day to be like and if she’d be happy with you missing bits. If she wants a really hands on MOH, you could always share the duties with someone else too.

I have a friend unfortunately who is getting married this month and I had to turn down MOH for her wedding. My youngest is 7 months and we are still waiting on his passports (he’s dual nationality and we need both to travel and it’s been months of waiting). I also didn’t have anyone who could come with me to help as my dh had to stay home with our older one and my mum is too poorly to travel. Wedding is an 8 hour flight away abroad. It’s unfortunate, but it’s hard doing this stuff with babies and my friend was really understanding.

You will probably need a fit to fly letter after 28 weeks. Which sounds about the time of the hen do. If you are doing well you should be able to get one easily but you have to pay a small fee for one. I had to get one for our holiday last year as was about 28 weeks when we went. They never looked at it but would have been awful if they wouldn't let me fly out of back. I was fine on holiday at that time, but wasn't a hen do and I wasn't up late at night.
I also did a wedding where I was bridesmaid when I had a 2 week baby. Luckily that wasn't too far away and we just went for the day and didn't stay for the evening. Also ended up missing the speeches as the baby wanted feeding and was crying so had to leave the room. Will you have a room to stay over in in the place they are getting married? As that would help a lot.