Finding life so hard since going back to work

[Chicci1]

I'm only back at work a month after ten months of maternity leave. I'm finding it so so so tough. Myself and dh are both full time - I work 7am to 4pm while he works 9am to 7pm. We have a ten month old and a three and a half year old. Dh does everything in the morning and drop off at nursery while I do pickups and all evening stuff. Reducing hours isn't an option at the moment.

Since being back, I feel as though I'm on a treadmill. I'm up at 5.30am and it's go go until I get to bed. I'm exhausted. I'm trying to carve out time to chill in the evenings when I know I should go to bed. We have a cleaner and batch cook etc. Weekends are spent chasing our tails. I booked a babysitter last Saturday night but had to cancel as I was just too exhausted to contemplate going out. I feel like I can't make any plans to meet friends etc at the moment as it's just so hard to find the time and energy.

I feel like the joy has been sucked out of life and we're on a non stop treadmill. Is anyone in a similar situation and any advice on feeling less wrecked?!

Can you perhaps work from home once/twice a week? Not having to do commute really helps. Or perhaps cut down to part time and sacrifice some luxuries?

Honeslty- unless you really are on the breadline, I would downsize. Look at how you could make it affordable to work part time and re evaluate what you actually need.

We have a 3.5 year old and a 9 month old and I go back to work in 2 weeks. So not sure how we will manage when I do yet. But just wanted to say we are finding things tough while I am off work. Think the 9 / 10 month old stage is quite hard when you expect it to be getting easier. My baby still isn't sleeping through and we have all had colds recently which has messed up routines etc.
I think it should start to get easier in a few months when you are more used to it all. Can you work 4 days a week? Would your work allow it? As I will be doing 4 days and did 4 days after my first and it worked well as had a day to catch up on jobs and appointment etc.

My DH and I do a similar arrangement, the first couple of years were tough but it’s definitely easier now the kids are older.

After about a year I swapped to a 4 day week (Friday’s off) which has made a huge difference.
I get a lie in until 6am, I do the school drop off so my DH can get to work early, then I gym and do all the shopping, admin stuff and then a fun afternoon with the kids (or boring stuff like kids haircuts, shopping etc). This frees up the weekend for relaxing or fun stuff.

Is a 4 day week an option? Or at least 1 day at home, i’m much more productive with no office distractions or commute.

@chicci1 hello, it’s so tough!

I didn’t see anything in your post about the time the kids get picked from nursery. My son’s nursery is open until 6pm and like you finish at 4pm. I usually get home around 5pm which gives me time for a quiet coffee, MN and a cheeky biscuit. That 30/40 mins just me is fab. Would something like that work for you?

I've just gone back after maternity leave and am feeling the same. I've got a 12 month old DD at nursery and a 4 year old DS who has just started school and is struggling with settling in. I work 4 days per week, so that does give me a bit of breathing space, but the other 4 days are mental. I have both children hanging off me in the mornings and evenings, particularly DS who is really upset when I leave as he is so unsettled with school right now. It feels like there is barely time to cook beans on toast when we get in, before its time for bed. D'S is terrible at going to bed and once that is finally over there's the dishes, laundry, and bags to sort for the next day. Because of the nature of my job, I can't work from home regularly, but i am going to ask if I can do it on an ad hoc basis.

It does like like both you and your DH work quite long hours - more than full time? I know there's probably not much you can do about it though.

Sympathies OP, I felt the same with one so can't imagine what it's like with two.

Can you plan to take a day or two of annual leave once a month when the kids are in childcare and just use the time to sleep and chill out?

Or if you can't go part time could you compress your hours and do a nine day fortnight so you get a day off every couple of weeks?

Is there anything more you could introduce to outsource the chores, send out ironing, meal boxes etc?