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Hostage to an 7 month old

24 replies

jojo2001 · 09/10/2018 13:56

Hi, I need some advice. I have a 7 month old daughter and she is holding me hostage! If I leave the room she cry’s until she’s sick. I’ve tried everything and can’t find a way of not being with her for every minute of every day. I know they say housework can wait but I can’t even do the simplest task without a massive crying fit. This is compounded by the fact she refuses to nap. She will go to bed at 7pm and sleep soundly for 12 hours but for the 12 hours she’s awake I am shackled to her. I know this sounds like I don’t enjoy being with her. I do, I love her but can’t hold her for 12 hours (hubby works 7 till 7) Any advice will be appreciated.

OP posts:
SBDB · 09/10/2018 15:00

Hi jojo

Is she as clingy is someone else is there to distract her? How about a box of toys she gets when you need to leave e.g. a whisk and some shiny kitchen bits? Would that be enough to give you a bit of time? What happens when you go out? Can you go to the loo in a cafe for example and leave her with a friend?

By the afternoon I suspect she's too tired to be left if she's a non-napper! So maybe just try it in the morning to start with?
Sorry, none of this may be useful and you've probably tried it all but I wanted to post so you don't feel alone!

MO2x · 09/10/2018 15:06

My DD was exactly the same. In the end I used to sit her in a walker or a bouncer so she had full view of were I was or if I was doing the dishes or washing I'd sit her in the high chair with some fruit and she was quite happy she could see me and stuff her face. Worth a try!! She's 14 months and stil the same when we're at home. Won't even go to her dad so I have no break unless it's bed time. You just learn to cope and sometimes switch off xx

jojo2001 · 09/10/2018 17:30

Thanks for the responses. I have tried many of the suggestions and she’s not clingy as she will happily be with someone else it just seems to be that she doesn’t want to be alone or has a very low boredom threshold as will only sit in the high chair for 10 mins max. Today has been a very testing day and I am counting down the minutes until bedtime. I’m hoping it’s just one of the many phases. My mum suggested letting her cry it out and although that worked for sleep training her I’m not happy to try it for being out the room.

OP posts:
ouchr · 09/10/2018 20:02

This sounds exactly like my DS! It's hard isn't it. I use the sling when I need to stuff done but otherwise it is keeping him entertained with a class/ walk/ playing .. alll day long. Are you shattered st the end of the day? I'm in bed by 8pm!

SubtitlesOn · 09/10/2018 20:26

Get a cd of nursery rhymes or happy bouncy songs that you can put her on the floor and dance around her

Then day by day gradually move further away as you sing

In an animated way but not hiding from her

I think if you try this in the morning when she isn't tired

So about 10.30am

Just for 20 mins

Make it like a performance dance and sing - really bouncy and happy

After about 2 weeks you should be able to still be out of her eye line but still singing loudly and dancing

You can still see her and pop in and out as you sing so you know she is safe and happy

Gradually build it up day by day


Chathamhouserules · 10/10/2018 10:05

My dd2 was like this and then suddenly grew out if it at 9/10 months.
I carried her in a sling all day. It drove me round the bend. But she has been quite independent since. So maybe some thrive off close contact in early months and it sets them up for independence later?
I do like the dancing idea though!

quarterpast · 10/10/2018 10:15

Hi OP, my DD is the same age and won't let me out of her sight either! I have various chairs/safe seats for her around the house and I just take her with me when I need to go in a different room.

I save hoovering/stripping beds/bins etc for when DH is home in the evening and any big cleaning until the weekends so he can do them or hold her while I do them.

I have special objects that she only has when I need her to be occupied ie in the kitchen she gets to hold my big cooking spoons etc when she's in her high chair.

The other thing that's good is a few little bits of food (like tiny bits of avocado or cheese) scattered on her tray so that she can spend ages picking them up and eating them while I do the dishwasher, older kids lunchboxes, dinner etc. It's tough but it won't last long.

Rixera · 10/10/2018 13:22

Mine was like this! Weirdly, it got a bit better when she could talk; I think it was a fear of needing something and not being able to tell me. I wore her in a sling so could still use my hands, other than that just prioritised. If there were plates with dirty food on that needed cleaning, she'd just have to sit in her bouncy chair and cry because I'd rather that than attract flies and have her get sick. Whereas hoovering doesn't need to get done to prevent horrible consequences, it would just look gross until DH could help of a weekend. Likewise, no one was going to die of unironed clothes or a pile of toys.

I would have lost my mind trying to keep a tidy house alongside everything else, so only put her down when it would be worse to hold her, and sure enough the house is looking more in order now she's 3 and at nursery. I don't think people understand the 'no really she will cry until she's sick' unless they've had one. You can't 'just put them down' that easily. She was rubbish at sleep too, so with sleep deprivation my nerves were permanently on edge and couldn't catch up when she was in bed.

Just do what you can!

Mugglemom · 10/10/2018 14:00

My 9 m/o is like this too.

I do the same as a PP, setting him up in a chair in various zones around the house with me. Highchair in the kitchen, usually about a 10 minute time limit before he is done, but it's usually enough to get the dishes cleaned. Chair/seat in the bathroom while I shower/bathe. Jumperoo in the spare room while I blow dry my hair. He's not a great sleeper but he will sleep much longer if I'm with him. Usually I try to put him down for one of his naps on my bed and use the time to catch up on reading. That way he at least gets one good nap (he'll always have a couple more but usually a bit shorter).

But mine doesn't sleep at night. He's up 3-5 times every night.

rubyroot · 10/10/2018 14:26

Has this always been the case? Could she be going through a developmental leap? My boy was clingy and wingey around 7 months, but at 9 months amuses himself for ages

sar302 · 10/10/2018 14:36

How long has this been going on? I think it's around this time that they realise they are no longer a part of you, and therefore that you can leave them. But they don't understand about you coming back. So every time you leave them, they literally think you are walking out of their life and abandoning them.

Babies are dumb 🙄

Then they come out the other side and realise you're coming back and they chill out. Mine did this for weeks. He screamed everytime I left a room / put him down. Frustrating, but did get better! I hope this is all it is for you x

JupiterDrops · 10/10/2018 14:47

I feel your pain, I have a 16 month old who still hasn't grown out of this 😞 she goes nuts even if I just dash to the loo. My days at home with her are so intense, I can't leave her side for a second or she goes absolutely mental. It's exhausting.

AnotherDayAnotherDollarRight · 10/10/2018 14:54

I got an inexpensive travel cot from argos. and moved it round the house so that she could stay within sight of me, but I could get on with stuff knowing she was safe. I also let her watch pingu when I got desperate. That's frowned upon though Wink

Emmafh3 · 10/10/2018 15:14

This is my daughter all over. Particularly at under 12months.
Then she started to walk and she's happy to be in the same room doing something and pottering but has to know where I am all of the time still (now 22months)
If I say I'm just going to the toilet she drops what she has, runs to me and holds my hand to make sure she's coming with me, sits on the step [down to the toilet] and waits until I'm done.
I can generally be in the other room if she is engrossed in something and I keep talking to her. Even worse when we go out.
But at the end of the day, even though she is thoroughly exhausting and I've no idea how I'm going to manage another one, I know she is still so young and needs that attachment as part of her development.

A sling/baby backpack thing, or I even pushed the Pram around the house to do housework and cooking, and like others have mentioned, the singing and getting further away.
I think they learn to play on their own better when they are nearing three for the majority of children. You can get through it!

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 10/10/2018 18:50

Can you make her bedtime later? Until our children were restricted by preschool hours we just took them to bed at the same time as we went to bed. We got a decent sleep and the babies napped during the day.
Also I often wore a sling with the youngest who was very clingy, so I could get on with things. If your baby only got 10 instead of 12 hours' sleep they might sleep for a couple of hours in the day?

DailyMailFail101 · 10/10/2018 20:53

Sorry but two kids later my only advice is to wait it out, they will grow out of it one day, there’s no quick fix. Sorry!

April2018mom · 10/10/2018 22:41

I’ve found that a change of environment helps us. Tomorrow I’m going to take my son and daughter to the library and then I might also stop by the shop on the way back. What time does she go to bed? Do you have a bedtime routine or not?
As they get bigger I’ve realised that exercise is a good thing. My two children are happy to run around all day if they were allowed to do so. What’s on in your local area for moms and children? It’s worth finding out if there are classes for moms and children. Your local library should definitely have information on this.
We go to our children’s library a few times a week or month depending on my schedule. I’ve also taken them to the leisure centre for a swim or coffee. Plus adult conversation.
Whenever I’m at home I have family activity days. Basically we either do some baking or arts and crafts together. I never had a sling but I used one of those activity mats when they were infants. This will pass.

letallthechildrenboogie · 11/10/2018 09:49

At 7 months she's heading into separation anxiety, so this is pretty normal. If you've been sleep training it's also usual for them to seek extra reassurance during the day. I'd say if she's down for 12 hours on a night then just do your jobs then. She'll be mobile soon and then you won't be able to get anything else done anyway!

waterrat · 11/10/2018 09:52

OP it's knackering but you know what - It changes so quickly at that age. I would just put her in a sling or carry her about - she is sleeping well so you have a good situation there.

It seems so overwhelming in the moment - but once she is mobile as people say - she will be off! She might be teething mine were always more clingy when teeth were pushing through.

TheChatsPyjamas · 11/10/2018 11:54

Do you have a sling that you can back carry in? If you can manage that (easy with a bit of practice, I like the walk like an egyptian method - see youtube) it is really great because they get that physical closeness and the comfort of being rocked while you walk about, but you get to have a little bit of headspace and can get some stuff done while they are "out of the way" on your back.

81Byerley · 11/10/2018 11:57

It's a normal part of development at her age. When she can't see you, she thinks you have ceased to exist. It usually lasts two to three months. so I'd carry her in a sling, or consider some sort of walker/play thing that you can put her in whilst you get on with your jobs.

gothefcktosleep · 11/10/2018 12:01

I don’t really have any advice but to say i’m here with you - got my own bundle of clingy ness who doesn’t nap either... currently feeding, pulling my fingers and farting Confused


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SputnikBear · 11/10/2018 12:02

My DS is the same. I’m ashamed to admit it but I put YouTube nursery rhymes on the iPad and that buys me 15 minutes to do essential tasks. The sound+light playmat from Mamas&Papas buys me another 15 minutes.

He refuses to nap unless I get into bed with him and let him nap in the double bed. Perfectly safe as I don’t go to sleep myself.

Conseulabananahammock · 11/10/2018 13:09

My son is 2 and still like this!! Second the travel cot idea

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