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Original poster

No means No right?

10 replies

Chickenwings85 · 08/10/2018 12:49

My 4 year old nephew was round this morning with MIL, bear in mind he is a very very spoilt child and isn't used to the word no, already has a very entitled attitude at 4 years old and he cant do no wrong his mum and nans eyes. DN demanded to go upstairs and DP said no because it's upside down right now and no one is up there (we're currently decorating DD room and all her furniture is on the landing and in our bedroom so it really is an absolute state up there right now). Anyway, DN carried on and on and on about going upstairs so MIL says to my DP can you just take him up as he doesn't believe you. DP still said no because of the above reasons but finally caved and went to take DN upstairs but he then demanded MIL goes with him too. So of course she goes upstairs with him aswell. I know it seems really petty but if we've said no then he should just accept it and MIL should've also backed us up on that too right? It's really bloody annoyed me.

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Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 08/10/2018 12:53

It is petty. It’s hours of whining or a quick trip upstairs to make him quiet. Sometimes sticking with no “because I said” isn’t in anyone’s best interests. It’s not like he’s even your child so you don’t have the concern that going back on a no will set a precedent. I’m with your MIL.

treegone · 08/10/2018 13:02

I'm with you op. I would not have given in and probably would've got quite annoyed if pushed on it. I don't think children should 'know their place' but sometimes, if you're not messing a child should know when to stop and at 4 I would expect they'd know that. Of course children and their wishes should be valued but sometimes it seems like you could create an entitled monster if not careful.

Original poster

Chickenwings85 · 08/10/2018 13:13

Exactly that, he has a very entitled attitude all ready and he's only 4! When he had found his feet and first started walking, we were expected to move any ornaments within in his reach and basically move everything out of his sight. We didn't do that obviously but told him no everytime he went to pick things up he shouldn't be playing with, of course his mum and MIL didn't like it one bit. How else are children meant to learn respect and boundaries when they're not told No or always given into.

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rubyroot · 08/10/2018 14:14

Do you have children of your own? I’m just asking because when they’re learning to walk (around one) they don’t really have an understanding of picking things up they shouldn’t- they’re just into everything. So I guess the answer is to remove things within reach or move child before they get there so they can’t get items. But it would be hard at one teaching the child that no means no and they’re not allowed to touch things, they really don’t get it. Yes, you can start to introduce the word and hope for the best, but at one I wouldn’t say moving ornaments means your nephew is self entitled!!

Original poster

Chickenwings85 · 08/10/2018 17:47

I have my own child who is now 8. When she was younger, I wouldn't dream of going to someone's house and asking them to move things out of reach of my daughter, I made sure she listened and didn't touch things shes not meant to. For me personally it's a respect and manners thing especially in someone else's house!! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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rubyroot · 08/10/2018 18:26

Depends on the relationship I suppose- my friend moved two candle holders so my little one could have a crawl around otherwise he would have got hold of them (despite me saying no!) Apart from that nothing else needed tp be moved. He ended up playing with a couple of coasters on the floor whilst we chatted.

However, if I felt she was not impressed I would have held baby and stopped him crawling, I wouldn't have said no though as I know at this age it would have been ineffective.

I hope I'm not creating a self entitled child!

TulipsInBloom1 · 08/10/2018 18:29

A 4yo should accept no means no. Whoever the grown up is with them should also accept this.

Was there toys for him to play with downstairs?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 08/10/2018 18:46

Have you posted about this before OP? There was an almost identical thread about a month ago.

Dragongirl10 · 08/10/2018 18:54

After l had said NO twice, l would have refused to answer him....end of.

My dcs would never have behaved like that!

Original poster

Chickenwings85 · 08/10/2018 19:03

He had toys downstairs to play with, though it really was a very short flying visit.
No not posted about this before.

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