Pre school talking to me about potty training but I'm sure dd isn't ready

[cactushack]

She's nearly 3, is very switched on in a lot of ways but we tried potty training over summer and it just wasn't working so I thought we'd leave it until the next break. Her key worker asked me about it yesterday as dd will tell her when she's done a poo/wee and ask to be changed, and whilst I agree she definitely CAN do it I think at the moment she just doesn't WANT to do it. She doesn't care about "big girl" pants. We suggested wearing pants today and she was up for it but threw an absolute strop when I asked her to use the potty before leaving the house. Then again when I asked her to go before her nap.

Should it really cause this much stress? Dh didn't take her nappy off after her nap and she weed in her nappy on the sofa and shouted "I've done a wee wee!".

Please reassure me I'm making the right decision to wait!

Hmmm... tricky one because what if when she's 4 she still doesn't want to? There's comes a point when it isn't really a choice. What you need to find is the motivation for her, Is there a special toy she would like to aim for? Or a trip out? I dont usually advocate bribery (I'm a nursery worker) but when you know a child is perfectly capable it can be worth it!

Are they suggesting they do it or you do it? Because if they are going to do it, then go for it!

Depends how much they're willing to do.
I waited until the Xmas break after mine had turned 3 to finally crack PT. All previous attempts had failed like yours.

It’s only about 3 weeks till half term. I would take her shopping for fave character pants . Take nappy off when you get dressed sticker charts or to wear for weeding on pottty.

Prior to this get her to sit on potty gets really over the top praise. She might try at preschool when they change her. Read a story while sat on potty make it a really nice thing

Have you tried leaving her in a wet nappy for a little while rather than changing her immediately so she experiences some discomfort? Maybe that might make her want to do it.

Hmmm... tricky one because what if when she's 4 she still doesn't want to?

Yes this is my worry!

I tried buttons as bribery but that didn't work and it also felt a bit wrong, but maybe I should try that again.

She's only at pre school two mornings at the minute so they wouldn't really be doing it.

Prior to this get her to sit on potty gets really over the top praise

We definitely do this! A ridiculous amount!

Favourite character pants is a good idea.

NHS advice is to be out of nappies by 3. May be why pre school are asking too. I personally think all children should be out by 3. It's hard work yes but you need to do it for the child's development. Good luck x

Hmm maybe we should just go for it then, I wish she wanted to do it!

NHS advice is to be out of nappies by 3.

No, it's not. NHS guidance is to follow the child's readiness, whenever that may be. They do mention that by age 3, 9 out of 10 children are dry most days but are still prone to accidents.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/potty-training-tips/

What NHS advice says to be out of nappies by three? Would love a link to that.

I wait until mine are ready and ask to do it. I find when they are ready the process is much quicker and easier.

I think you just need to make the decision and get on with it. There will be accidents and possibly battles but there are about sleep, food and school. These things are essential skills and there’s no reason why your DD isn’t as capable as any child to learn. So I’d get on with it and stop pussyfooting around it.

if you dont think your dd is ready I wouldnt push it. Mil insisted when ds was 2 (an arbitrary age for no other reason than he was 2) which was 6 months of tears before we gave up. She pushed again when he was 3 and it was a month of tears before we gave up. We tried again when ds was just about to turn 4 (and imo when he was ready) and he pretty much cracked it in 2 weeks. I could have saved months of hard work, tears and trauma all round if i had just waited. Not learning until later has had no adverse effect on ds.

They're probably asking as school is approaching.

If you know she can do it then as her mum, you should be taking the reins a little and pushing her.

At 3 she is capable of doing it and with half term coming up, you've got a great block of time to get started with it.

I could have written your post, except DS doesn't tell us when he's done a poo/wee, but nursery would like him to try. I wasn't sure he was ready. We're 4 days in and it's going OK. We have to put him on the potty every 20-30 mins. He won't ask. But today he's started stopping himself when he does have an accident and shouting for us. My plan was to give it a week and if there was absolutely no progress, delay for a while. Sticker charts btw! He'll do anything for a sticker! Good luck!

There is never any harm in trying.

There’s a vast difference between being almost three and going to school. If you don’t think she’s ready then at almost three there’s no need to push it.

Hmmm mixed responses, my instincts are telling me to wait. She won't go to school until sept 2020

Follow your instincts.

Preschool should work with you on this

We started by doing nappies off in the house but on if we were out/in the car/naps.

Not for every child but when we did say goodbye to nappies (she put one in the bin and waved it off) she was trained completely within a week

I’d also go with my instinct, you know her better than anyone. I was asked in nursery about it for dd2 when she was 18 months. She’ll be 3 in February and still not showing signs whereas dd1 was already “trained” by now and I have tried just as hard this time around she’s just not ready. I would say one thing though, the reward had to be more significant than buttons so maybe when she’s ready she’ll get that toy she’s really wants 😉 good luck!