Bored, stressed and marriage on the rocks

[ForeverHopeful21]

I feel bad even writing this but I'm not enjoying motherhood.
My baby is 5 months old and I spend every day wishing time away. She's amazing and funny and I love her more than anything but she is quite a fussy baby and 'a handful' - as another mum pointed out to me this week . I find being at groups stressful as she gets bored very quickly. She isn't a huge fan of the pram and won't sleep in it and she dislikes the car seat (doesn't sleep in that either). I struggle to entertain her all day and find it draining.
My husband works away a lot and spends spare time playing golf. He does do the odd baby night shift and some baths and feeds, but I never get any of my own time. We've had a happy 12 year relationship but since baby came along its taken a huge turn and we argue more than ever. We've waited a long time for this baby so he thinks I should be happier and more grateful and every time we fall out he asks if its because I have postnatal depressions. I don't btw.

I'm really struggling at having no alone time. I'm a bit older so guess I've had many years of being selfish and now I'm struggling at how to cope with zero time to myself. I even looked at nurseries but they are very expensive and my husband said we couldn't afford it.
Does anyone else find maternity leave / motherhood hard?

Poor you! I used to fantasize about having a night in a hotel to escape!
Insist on some "me time" and leave the house, or send him out with baby every weekend for a few hours!

Also - you don't have pnd, you have a classic case of Post Natal Dad! the bit where he realises that his life will never be the same again :-)

DD was a tough baby as well. Once we got into a routine in terms of eating and sleeping around 3 months I booked an exercise class every Saturday morning. DP took over all childcare from when I left until after I was showered. So a couple hours. If he gets to play golf you should get some time for a hobby as well!!

It’s dull!

Better when you go back to work and then you have a mixture.

Better when they can talk to you - I think your hard baby’s will end up being a funny and lively toddler!

Better when you can go out with them and do something you can enjoy - I used to like going for lunch with my DD from about 18months old.

I found it gets better and then I had another lol xx

I struggled during my maternity leave too, I found the first 5 months awful truth be told. My son cried a lot and we had problems with tongue tie, colic, reflux, silent reflux. I hated being alone with him and always made sure we had plans to see someone or somewhere to go. Then at 6 months it changed for me and I started enjoying him more and felt a bit more like I was in charge of him instead of the other way round!
The fact is it’s not easy! It’s really bloody hard! I was lucky that my husband was very hands on and enjoyed doing all the day to day things with our son that I struggled to enjoy.
Don’t be hard on yourself, it is draining! looking after a baby is hard work and it can be boring too especially when they arent able to do much for themselves or interact much. They start to do so much more from 6 months ☺️

I found everything much easier from 6 months and even better at 12 when I went back to work part time! Everyone needs an escape to be themselves, you aren’t just a mum you are still you! Hide your husbands golf clubs and tell him you are going out for an evening / day, he will cope! He’s her parent too. I really hope things get better for you x

I’ve been there. It’s tough. Try to set some boundaries with your husband about what exactly you want him to do to help and when. Men seem to do better with specific instructions than realising themselves what would help. But, being a mum is nothing like being a dad (in most cases) and you will probably always do more. It’s hard. It’s boring. It’s stressful. It’s hard on your relationship. And on your identity. Keep trying to communicate with him. It will probably get better...

Yes! My DS is 18 months now and I’ve found the whole thing hard! It does get better though, I went back to work when he was 1 and having that me time (even if it is work!) really helps me feel more normal! My DS is also fussy, was constantly moaning and whinging about being left in places (bouncy chair, jumperoo etc) so it was pretty draining, that got better when he was crawling, but then he moved about not being able to crawl outside, now he’s walking he moans if he is I n the pushchair at all as he just wants to walk ffs! Which is great for him, but not when you want to get somewhere quickly, and not great for busy places either. sigh love him to pieces but still find life pretty boring at times! Does she like going in a sling/carrier? DS used to fall asleep in the carrier then I could do something I wanted to do, go for a walk, to the supermarket, art Galleries etc.

Honestly, babies suck. I’m on my third and wish the baby times away! It does pass but it really doesn’t come quick enough, does it?!

There’s nothing wrong with you for thinking this. Babies are boring, they’re time consuming. I love my kids SO freaking much, they are just everything - but even still, babies suck

Thank you so much for the responses!! I feel a million times better knowing that others out there feel the same. Think I just feel guilty but also jealous when I see other mums enjoying the process.
This week has just been a particularly bad one - teething, unsettled bubs, husband working away etc.
I've woken up feeling energetic (well as much as one can with a 5 month old!) and I've scheduled in some time with friends and I'm also going to make sure I do one nice treat a month just for myself. Think you guys are right, I need to take a bit more control and probably be a bit more selfish.

@BorahT yes she does like the carrier but more so for being nosy rather than sleeping. She sleeps like an angel in her cot at home, I mean - unbelievably good - I just put her down and she's asleep in 1 second, but anywhere else is a struggle.

@FranticallyPeaceful Haha love your honesty! Your post cheered me up so much xx

@2slicesoftoast Totally!!! Would do anything for a hotel stay right about now. I live close to a spa and often wonder if I would ever be desperate enough to part with £150 to stay the night

@ZorasDomain gosh that does sound tough. Can totally relate to feeling like baby is the boss! Ok, so I only have another month to go and hopefully things will start to feel a bit better