I spanked my 14 month old I feel awful..

[airam97]

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my second baby and recently I have been feeling exhausted and a bit low I ended up giving my 14 month old a spank on the bottom it had a little red mark that went away within a couple of minutes he's just started going through a phase when I do nappy changes he takes a tantrum, crys and kicks me unless I give him a bottle or something to distract him while doing he looked so sad I cuddled him straight away after it I feel so horrible for doing it and instantly regretted it.

Today after this my family visited a couple of hours after this (we don't see them all the time) he'll cry whenever he they come to see us then settles after a while he's alway's been like that with people he doesn't really know but he flinched/got startled when my auntie went to go pick him up he's always been a bit jumpy whenever there's a loud noise or the hoover is on but I can't help think that he done this because of the spank i would never do such a thing again especially because they asked me why he done it and questioned if me and my boyfriend argue infront of him but we don't we have the odd bicker but nothing that would every get our sons attention when in the same room..now I feel like a paranoid mess about my parenting I can't stop getting upset about it I feel so guilty my boyfriend thinks I'm being stupid and that it's because my son is not familiar with my family and was just unsure about getting picked up.

I just needed to speak to someone, anyone about this.

Why didnt you give him something to distract him?

I have no words... Spanked a 14 month old.

You are doing fine, we have all done something we felt awful about, the good thing is that at this age, they just dont remember it. I spanked mine after he ran out into traffic aged 2. He was wearing such thick snow pants he didnt feel it. So i had all the guilt and none of the impact, sigh. He is now 18 and loves me still. To use a cliche, tomorrow is a new day, just start a fresh.

Well the important thing is not to do it again. Give him something to distract him during nappy changes. I used to use something not normally allowed to be played with like house keys or my phone, if they were being very uncooperative.

If you're feeling too frustrated/angry it is better to leave him somewhere safe for a few minutes until you can calm down.

We kept a soft toy with bells next to the changing mat to give to DD.
Resolve to never ever spank him again. All he knows is that you hurt him, he doesn't know why.
If you feel yourself losing your temper put him in his cot, leave the room, close the door and sit down in another room until you've calmed down. He'll probably cry but it's more important you calm down.
Focus on the fact that you love him and you're determined to be a good mother. I

Oh my. Without wanting to make you feel worse, smacking a 14 month old IS pretty bad. But the only thing you can do now is promise YOURSELF that you'll never ever do that again and look into ways to control your own anger. I do understand how exhausting having a very young toddler when you're heavily pregnant with the next one.

I'd also look into parenting classes because there will be many more hurdles to come, especially with 2, and what he was doing was pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. Be kind to yourself on this occasion but, seriously, don't do that again.

No body is a perfect parent.
We ALL do things we regret - a smack, telling them off, making them eat their veg when they don’t want to.......God, there’s loads of things.
There’s lots of stuff I wish I hadn’t done.
But you beat yourself up a bit and resolve not to do it again. It’s all part of the learning curve of being a parent.

Be prepared to have some people flame you though. Some people will react as if you have beaten him black and blue/ burned him with a fag etc . I’m assuming you are in England so you haven’t done anything illegal. And I know this will get thrown back at me but I and millions of adults were smacked throughout our childhood and the majority of us turned out ok and still love our parents.
Forgive yourself , move on and try your hardest not to do it again. I’m sure you are a super mummy- and I bet he thinks you are the best mummy in the world,.

The fact you posted here you know it wasn't right. I had a baby and was heavily pregnant and it sounds like you need a break and support. Maybe next time put baby down safely and take a few mins to clear your head.

Just to add a suggestion re nappy changes- have you tried with him stood up in front of the sofa?

At this age we swapped to pull up nappies and did most changes with him stood up and facing the sofa.
Toys, books or whatever on the sofa for him to look at.

Tomorrow is a new day, start again.

If you do find though that you are increasingly feeling overwhelmed, have a chat with your midwife and get some support

Thank you for all your replies.
I acatully tried changing him standing up this morning and went amazingly from now on i will be doing that thanks for that suggestion! I definitely won't ever do that again, I know it wasn't right and no child deserves that I was in the wrong. I love being a mummy and I'm usually so patient with him I'm going to ask for more help with family members so we get a bit of time away from each other for a couple of hours just so I can get some rest as I think it's probably down to tiredness and being sore with this pregnancy im not using that as an excuse just probably why I was stressed and not patient this time but thanks again everyone I really appreciate it. X

Don't worry lots of parents have done things they regret and their children have turned out just fine. Next time just make sure he is safe and step away for five minutes. Toddlers can be so frustrating !

Have you tried changing him the wrong way round - with his head and shoulders (gently) between your legs. No pressure on him with your legs at all, just the idea that there is something on the way can give them the idea that they cannot roll over and try tend to keep still

Yes I have tried that way I think it's the lying down and feeling like he can't move while I change him is what he doesn't like about it as he is always on the go but thank you for your suggestion! I've been getting him to stand this morning while I change him and he seems to have no bother this way and isn't getting stressed at all