One year old constantly screaming

[HaveIGoneDeaf]

Not really sure why I’m posting, just feeling a bit fed up and want to have a moan I think. My just turned one year old has always been a moody child and I’ve been waiting patiently for her to grow out of it. However, she still screams CONSTANTLY and I’m finding it incredibly draining.

A typical day will be wake up, scream, briefly stop screaming during breakfast, play for ten minutes, scream during dressing, teeth brushing, scream through school run for the older children. She will then have a forty minute nap, be briefly happy whilst having a snack, go to playgroup where I stop her screaming en route with a dummy. Again she’ll then be happy to play with me for ten minutes before she starts screaming again. She has an early lunch and then might manage about fifteen minutes of non screamy playing. She’ll do a good lunchtime nap of 1-2 hours and then scream on and off all afternoon. Cheerful during dinner and usually relatively cheerful in the bath. Bedtime is an absolute meltdown but then thank goodness she will usually sleep OK.

I really feel like I must be doing something wrong as she just seems so unhappy all the time. She has no signs of allergy/reflux/illness etc so I don’t think it’s that and the GP has seen her. I’m so short tempered with the rest of the family so they scream too when I snap at them. This morning when we were out I just looked at all the other babies smiling happily at their mums and felt so sad.

She does stop screaming when given a dummy but I don’t really want to allow that all day long. I’m going back to work soon and am worried her childminder is going to refuse to have her.

Does anyone have any advice? Does her routine look OK? Should I just give her the dummy? Will this ever get better?

Thanks

Forgot to say - she is gaining weight and developing well - pulls to stand, understands commands, crawls, waves, claps, has a couple of ‘words’. She does have major separation anxiety though.

What’s she like when your carrying her?

My ds was like this. He’s 13 now and has a dx of ASD. It’s worth thinking about and being aware of.

You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s very very hard. She might be dealing with sensory overload, which can almost feel like physical pain.

All of this is just something to be aware of though, it could just as easily be something quite innocuous.

Better - but it’s not reliable eg today we went to rhyme time where she was cuddled on my lap the whole time and still was furious. The only things that reliably shut her up are her dummy and food. She quite genuinely eats more than my very greedy three year old.

Sorry I know you mention reflux but has silent reflux been ruled out? I think some babies use a dummy to suck to help with the acid pain. Although if she's sleeping at night that probably does rule it out. Worth a google though.

When you say screaming, can you expand? Is it crying, moaning, whinging, screeching, tears, stressed? It’s just I know people have different ideas of what ‘screaming’ is.

@Georgie it’s hard to explain I guess. Maybe the best way to describe it is that she is so much more irritable than a typical child - for example, if a sibling snatched a toy she is playing she will scream and cry at the same volume/intensity that she did during her one year jabs. If she has two blocks of duplo stuck together, she will try to separate them and within a second of trying unsuccessfully it’s deafening. It’s always 0-60 with no middle ground. In the buggy it’s low level moaning at first escalating to full on shrieking with tears within about five minutes.

@seven I wondered this too. She does often arch her back and flail about when she is in her worst rage - like a toddler refusing to go in a buggy except she’s been doing it since she could move which seems unusual. When she is sleeping, she always has her dummy in - if it comes out she will put in back in herself. Hmm.

@tragic - I had wondered about this. In her good moments she makes good eye contact, claps, waves hello/goodbye, mimics her siblings playing pretend tea parties etc. But I know that signs can be very subtle when children are younger. It’s just so hard to know how to help her.

She needs the dummy. No point fighting it just on a point of principle. Just give it to her.

What is your objection to the dummy? If you know it calms her down I suppose you need to ask yourself which you object to more, the dummy or the screaming. I know which one I would pick.

My DD was like this - seemed generally furious at life. I tried a dummy once, and she spat it across the room - eventually she learned to suck her thumb which helped. I used to do everything with her in a sling, as that seemed to be the only way of pacifying her. I can’t remember now what age she stopped - she was also poor at sleeping.

I have no particular objection to the dummy but I have tried to limit its use it for sleep/car seat etc now she is a bit older, as I’m worried about teeth, and also speech development. But yes perhaps it’s the lesser of two evils and I think you’re right I should relax and let her have it. Clearly the childminder will have to use it to avoid her driving all the other children mad.

Yep my ds did all that too.
His actual dx is for PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), but your dd is much too young yet to know.
As she gets older certain traits will affirm or rule this out.
Fingers crossed she’s just going through an arsey phase

If she’s watching TV, is she ok?

Unfortunately she isn’t the least bit interested in TV not for want of trying.

I'd ask to try some silent reflux meds and see if it makes any difference. My daughter was a nightmare until she grew out of it just before turning 2. Meds made her less of a nightmare!

Have you thought about her ears / hearing? If she has an ear issue perhaps sucking the dummy is relieving pressure? If she is screaming / arching it could be pain?
I'm sure you have considered this..does calpol make any difference?
Maybe see GP and rule out any health issue?

Give her the dummy. For all your sakes. If it helps then there’s no need to be so against it.

My ds was like this and it was frustration. Frustration at not being able to talk, to walk, to do all the stuff his big brother could do. We considered gut issues, ear issues, autism, and everything else. He did grow out of it. He was also a terrible sleeper so I think looking back he was also exhausted.

He grew out of it at around 2 and a half, when he could talk and walk and run and jump. He was also a terrible head butter and biter. All gone now. He's 6 and a lovely child. But by god it almost drove me mad.

The best thing I did was get some space. An hour here, a day there. I hope there's someone who can do that for you.