Tongue Tie - Feeling Down

[chargedproton]

Hello,

I just wanting to write down everything I am feeling because I feel like writing it on this forum might make me feel better.

My baby boy is 12 days old.

I had a easy pregnancy. No symptoms except for morning sickness at the beginning and tiredness at the third trimester. Otherwise a low risk birth.
I was so excited about breastfeeding and envisioned watching Netflix and eating junk whilst he was on my breast.

My labour - wasn’t straightforward. I ended up giving birth via forceps. I contracted sepsis so me and my baby were on antibiotics and stayed in hospital for 5 days.

My baby didn’t latch on at all. He kept screaming at my breast in the hospital. We eventually had to give him formula and eventually he was diagnosed with tongue tie.

I felt like a failure. I really wanted to breastfeed. I really wanted him to have breastmilk.

He’s quite a big baby and he’s loving his formula and has gained weight from birth and not lost it.

However, I still wanted to breastfeed. I went to a breastfeeding support group and saw a lactation consultant. She booked me in to have the tongue tie snipped. I was really happy because I thought I could breast feed after and everything will be okay.

The snip was today. However my baby still won’t breastfeed. He still finds my breast repulsive.

I feel like giving up on breastfeeding and I was never meant to do it. I feel like I have failed him because I want to give him the best.

I don’t enjoy making bottles or feeding him. I am so sleep deprived.

The lactation consultant thinks he’s got a lot of tension in his head because of the forceps. She told me to persevere but I am so tired, I just don’t feel like I have the energy.

Any suggestions? Anyone been in the same boat?
When does it get easier?

Can you express and give him your milk?

I am sure he doesn’t find your breasts repulsive maybe he’s a bit sore after the op.

First things first, you're not a failure. You've only recently given birth and not had the easiest time of it.

Tongue tie is awful I really feel for you. Breast feeding my DS before his tongue tie was snipped was agonisingly painful. I spent a lot of time agonising over whether I should formula feed or not. I opted to continue breast feeding but think we only managed because I have a fast let down and because I expressed twice a day in the early days to keep my milk up. I'd already breast fed my DD so for some reason felt it would be unfair on him not to do the same.

Your baby needs to learn to breast feed, he's probably a little confused and I think antibiotics can change the taste of milk. I think perhaps lots of skin to skin contact might help, it will give you the opportunity to watch Netflix!

Having a new born is hard, breast feeding is a skill and making breast milk makes you really tired too. I think things just gradually get better without you even realising, but it definitely does get better.

No real advice, just sympathy. my baby struggled to breastfeed. He ended up having several months of physio for an undiagnosed issue with his neck after a few months. I didn't know he was in pain at the time, but it explained it. Every time I tried to position him he would scream and scream. I ended up in tears and started to absolutely hate trying as I was waiting for the screams.

I gave up trying after a few weeks, as he was doing so well on formula, and everything calmed down and it was possible to bond and enjoy feeding him. I felt guilty for a few months, but we're 10 months down the line now and he's a rockstar!

People often recommend cranial osteopathy if babies have had a tough time coming out. I took him to the same osteo who had treated me during pregnancy, but as it turned out, he needed more. But might benefit your baby? Try and get a recommendation.

Breast feeding is a great way to feed your baby, but there are other ways to bond and feed and help them thrive. Just don't let your desire to breastfeed become a principle that ultimately stops you enjoying your baby.

Good luck x

Give him a little time if the op was only today. My son was really upset and fussy on the breast the day he had his done and he had never had huge problems feeding before so it must be hard for your LO. Hopefully you may see some improvement soon x

I’ve a very similar story, my baby managed to feed ok with his tongue tie until my milk came in and changed the shape of my breasts. By day 5 he had lost too much weight so we ended up back in hospital and tried all sorts to get him to latch and feed successfully - I was advised to breast feed, top up with formula and expressed breast milk. Breast feeding was so painful and he would push away and scream. He finally got his tie snipped at 20 days old.
Unfortunately by then he was so used to bottle feeding he would refuse the breast point blank and I couldn’t get him back onto it. I expressed and mixed fed for as long as I could before my milk dried up - it was too time consuming to express as often as I needed to really.
He is now solely formula fed and I’m gutted but he seems healthy and happy and is a little chunk!
I really feel your pain, you are not alone xx

I’m sorry you’ve had such a difficult time so far

You have not failed your baby, it’s not your fault. You’ve done all the right things in seeing a lactation consultation and getting the tongue tie snipped.

Please consider taking your baby to an osteopath (get a recommendation if you can) as the forceps and/or the tongue tie have probably caused issues that an osteopath could help with.

Hang on in there. It will get better!

Yes!!! I was in exactly the same boat as you in June.
Dd now 18 weeks simply would not suck. I sought so much help including a tounge tie snip. Was told multiple times latch is great, but she would just pull off- every single time.

She got frustrated, I got frustrated, we both cried. Me pretty much all of the time. I now realise I was on the cusp of pnd. This went on for 7 weeks. With me pumping to keep up supply to keep trying her on the breast.

One day I broke down on my mum and said I didn’t like dd and I regretted having her. I wasn’t enjoying my lovely new baby at all, all because I wanted to breastfeed her and it wasn’t working.

Eventually I stopped pumping, stopped trying her so frequently and came to a natural stop. Since that day, I couldn’t be happier. And neither can she. I do feel regret that I didn’t breastfeed her and all that jazz about breast is best gives me some guilt, and so it may be best, but it was making me mentally ill and that isn’t best for anyone. I now describe those 7 weeks as the worst time of my life, sounds extreme but they truly were and kick myself now for not enjoying my baby sooner.

It has to be your decision what to do op, but you aren’t alone. Ultimately it really doesn’t matter how your baby is fed as long as you are both well and happy.

Try an infant chiropractor they may be able to help. They worked wonders for my friend in a similar situation
Sorry you’re so upset at such a special time 💐

Apologies if it’s already been mentioned, but have you tried nipple shields?
My situation was very similar to yours (apart from the sepsis)
My wee girl wouldn’t latch onto my nipple, but after trying the shield she latched easily and at 16 weeks stopped naturally herself and I now am still breastfeeding at 10 months, without the shields.

I had the medela ones, would highly recommend. Amazon have them. Best of luck.