Relocating and a very upset 9 year old!!

[Amandella]

We are moving to Wales and my dd aged 9 is really upset. She is well settled in her school where we live and has many friends even though she's basically a shy girl. She's never known any other house/school/friends and we are upping sticks and moving her miles away and I feel terrible. I believe we are moving for the right reasons - my dh has got a great job - we will have a lovely big house with a huge garden (something we can't afford here in London) and my dd will go to a private school - an excellent one which again, we couldn't afford here. I moved myself when I was a child and I do know how frightening it must be for her but in the long run, I feel she will be much better off in Wales.

I've tried talking to her - and she says sometimes she feels excited but most of the time she is very tearful about it. She's been very moody recently and I just don't know what to say to help. I've told her the usual things....you'll make new friends, old friends will visit etc etc...but she says "I'm so shy and everyone will already have friends and they won't want me to join in". I could cry when she says this. She's also a very tall girl for her age (she looks about 11) and I feel she feels a bit embarrassed by her height too.

I love her to bits and I just don't know if uprooting her at this age is such a great idea... I fear her being lonely and depressed. She'll also be struggling to catch up at the private school as she's been in state school up til now and she only just scraped into the private school via the assessment. Are we putting too much pressure on her?? Help!!!

She will be ok. You are making this move for good reasons and she will settle in soon enough. the good thing with it being a private school is that classes are generally smaller so she will get more attention from the teacher. At least she says she has some excitement about it and isn't completely against the idea. I'm not surprised she's scared - i imagine you are a bit as well. Maybe you could get her involved by picking up some decorating brochures and getting her to think about how she would like her new room decorated. make a point of doing up her room first.

Firstly, I think all girls her age are becoming moody, especially towards their mums, so try not to worry about that with regards to your move.

Does your dd use the pc much? My 10yr old mindee has just left, and she has been talking on msn to her friend. Perhaps she could make a friend at her new school before she moves? This may help the transition a little. If you contacted the new school and explained they may be able to pair her with another girl, who she could get to know via email, phone or letter, and she would then have someone to ease her in when she starts.? She could also maybe have a girly sleepover with a couple of girls who will be in her class at the new school maybe?

As you say the benefits far outweigh the negatives, and I'm sure she will settle in fine with a bit of support.

When exactly are you moving? Has dd visited the school? I think that could help her overcome any anxiety about the physical space. Does the school offer any events/programs to help introduce new students?

Can you speak to the head (or a teacher who might know) and get a few names/contact details of other girls in the class whose personality might mesh well with your dd's? Then arrange some playdates/activities in advance so that dd knows a few of the children prior to starting at the school. It might help to have a few familiar faces when she begins at the new school.

Good luck. It's a big step.

Thanks so much everyone. We are hoping she will start in September - we have a visit planned for her in 2 weeks' time although she's briefly seen some of the school already.
I think it's a wonderful idea to try and get in touch with someone before hand so I'll speak with Head teacher.

Yes, I'm very nervous about the move myself - but I've been so preoccuppied with dd that I'm not letting myself get too worried. I'm guessing we'll make friends eventually!
So nervous!!!!