Ffs swearing 6yo

[mikado1]

Please help me as I am probably overly 'triggered' by this as I rarely swear and would even have a hard time saying some swear words, seriously. Ds seems to have picked them up from neighbours he plays football with outside (4-8y). It started with 'Youre an fword idiot's to 3yo and it's now got to 'fuckin asshole' I'm appalled tbh and my usual patience and consistency has vanished which I know has made it so much worse! I've gone between ignoring and roaring at him and I just now lifted him off my bed and told him we didn't want him upstairs if he was going to speak like this. Anyone successfully dealt with the same? I know he sees the power of the words now, there was no big reason to even use them just now, but it's too late now. Please help, driving me berserk!

I know it's not remotely sensible or mature but I feel like saying I don't want to even see him for the rest of the evening. BertieBotts what would you do??

Anyone?

I can't help but hoping this will bump for you!

Thank you!

I would say at 6 yrs old he knows about behaviour and consequences. I have sat my kids down explained they will hear me and others either in the neighbourhood use inappropriate and adult words. However, under no circumstances are they to repeat the words heard, I would then state the consequences, which for me would be a grounding and banished to bedroom where they have no tv's or game consoles in bedroom. He will soon learn!

Have you had a talk with him about neighbours using some words that they shouldn't?

Next time he uses one tell him it's a very rude word and he mustn't say it again. No screen time/bedtime story/whatever treat you can easily remove if you hear it again. E.g. No football with neighbours would be very appropriate here. Or if he already knows it is rude straight to consequence. Head off at the pass if you can e.g. if he seems to be getting agitated with 3 yr old "remember, kind words" or something. Oh and have an amnesty if DS ever needs to ask you if a word is rude.

Ultimately if he can't filter out the language maybe avoid unsupervised playing with these kids for now.

Thank you. Yes he knows it's wrong and have spoken to him. At 5 he got into toilet humour etc because preschool teacher made a massive deal about it and we used to say some words at home and laugh, get it out of system.. do you think that would be v wrong here?I just know him and know the more it's not allowed the more he'll be drawn to it punishments or not.

I don't really think that's a good idea. You'd be giving him very mixed messages. If the consequence for copying their bad words is not getting to see sweary friends (autocorrect is desperate for me to type sweary fiends!), he doesn't get the chance to be drawn to it. Probably best to establish your authority before it becomes hitting or something he wants to get out of his system.

We used to have a consequence of using potty words got you sent to the bathroom to use them. Which ended up with 5 yr old ds in the bathroom yelling poo poo bum willy for a while. But he got bored and stopped after about a week. Maybe you could use a similar strategy for swear words. Tell ds that you dont like, them, its not appropriate for ds2 to hear them, so if he says them he has to go to his bedroom/the bathroom on his own until he stops saying them. Then he can fff as much as he wants on his own with no audience, and he might get bored of it. If he can still be heard in the bathroom, maybe send him to the garden shed. A few trips in the rain should take the shine off.

Ok thanks both, I will try that approach. Unfortunately he's using them in a rage so I'll have a battle on my hands.

Ok, a 6 yr old having "rages" is a bit bigger problem than a few swear words. Hopefully you will find like we did with DS that if something he really wants is at stake it's more under control than it looks. Is he having rages at school too? If not he has some control at least. (I know some kids with SEN can be good at controlling at school but then come home overwhelmed so they can't any more, I'm assuming nothing like that suspected as you haven't mentioned?)

But doubly important to help him control it now before it's hitting or something that he tries in the tantrum. And I would say def not the allowing the words at home approach, if you want to change the words he reaches for when upset the less practice he has saying swear words the better.

Screen time is DS's lever. If he looks like he's getting worked up I suggest he takes himself off to his room to calm down before he loses screen time and he can do that. Again, head off before he swears if you possibly can so you're reinforcing success rather than punishing failure. But you'll probably find you have to carry the consequence through once or twice to show you're not mucking about.

Given the additional info, perhaps you would find it easier if you removed him from playing with sweary neighbours for now. Normally my approach to young kids swearing is just to let them know it's rude ignore as much as possible and move on. But with the other kids still normalising it I don't think that's going to work for you.

Good luck whatever you decide!

Ok thank you, I needed a plan of sorts and a back up for setting limits. I also wondered if I was overreacting. I heard the 4yo neighbour Fing and blinding out the window so I actually brought my ds in.. I really think it's awful that a 4yo is speaking like that and I've told ds that if he speaks like that in our house I won't be able to let him play with him, I've already had to say not allowed into house because constantly on the tablet. Anyway he was annoyed about something earlier and started it so I told him I wouldn't let his brother hear that and to leave the room. Remained v calm. He wasn't a bit happy but got it. Fingers crossed.

PS no sn but no rages in school, excellent behaviour there a
T least.