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Parenting

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Potential single parent with a disability

5 replies

LanceB · 29/09/2018 17:35

Hi, I have recently been with a woman who I really thought I wanted a relationship with as I like so much about her. She is very different to other women I have been with due to having High Functioning Autism. She sees the world very differently to me and I am finding it hard to fully understand the position she is coming from. Also she has a condition where she is in pain all the time. I have told her that I don't feel that I love her, but I don't want to give up on the relationship because we connect on everything such as interest and what we both want from life. I am hoping I can fall in love with her properly so we can be a family, but I am unsure if I will. I thought I did at first, and I have next to no experiences with relationships. I am so sorry if I have been irresponsible, but we tried for a baby. I know I am a man, so might get a lot of hate, but I wanted to wear a condom, and I didn't want to have children for at least a year or two. She said that sex was an intimate thing to her, and she didn't like the material of condoms. Also she dislikes most people but has found an overly strong connection to me. She is not like most women and is wired very differently, so in no way was she trying to manipulate me into having a child with her. She is just very different to most people I have met. My emotions got the better of me at first and I caved into it because I thought she was the one I wanted to be with. She really loves me, so I do feel to blame, as I discovered that she may not be right for me. I am not a bad person though, so I hope people don't hate me for this. We don't know whether she is pregnant yet, so will have to wait. She says she is in no position to look after another child, as she has a lot of problems and also struggles with her ten year old daughter. I have agreed that I will look after the child permanently and she can see the child as much or as little as she wants. However I suffer from Schizophrenia and am currently on disability benefits because of it. ESA and PIP. I am very well compared to how I was younger in my life, so I feel that I am capable of looking after a child, well I hope I am. How will this affect my circumstances do you think? Will I lose the entitlements to my disability benefits due to the potential of having a child? Will I have a lot of input from social services due to having an illness. I am prepared to seek whatever help is available and will try my hardest to be a good father, but I am worried about it.

OP posts:
gimeallthecake · 29/09/2018 17:55

Didn't want to read and run: just wondering why you guys didn't take the morning after pill?

LanceB · 29/09/2018 18:10

You have a very good point. She really wanted a family and I thought I did as well, as at the time I thought I wanted to be with her for sure. We had a great life planned out, that sounded like my perfect long term relationship. I still like her very much, I just don't feel I love her anymore. It wasn't just a case of using contraception I think. However I am unsure because I never asked her how she felt about taking the morning after pill.

OP posts:
gimeallthecake · 29/09/2018 21:24

I think you should just wait until the pregnancy test results come in. Can you go to a doctor and get a pregnancy test done?

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LanceB · 30/09/2018 00:16

Thanks for the reply, and yes you are right, I do just need to wait. She has done a pregnancy test, which said she wasn't, but it is too early to tell I think. I was looking ahead and was thinking about how it would impact my current situation, considering my illness, potentially being a single parent, changes to my financial situation and whether social services would get involved due to my psychiatrist or another medical professional causing this to happen. I just hear about how unfair social services can be. But yes, I will just have to deal with this when I know for certain. I shouldn't of made this post until I knew for sure she was pregnant, so sorry about that, but I feel very stressed about it. Thanks again.

OP posts:
gimeallthecake · 30/09/2018 03:09

You don't have to apologise, I know how stressful uncertain times can be. However it should be a real eye opener to you on the perils of having unprotected sex and the consequences of it. You could discuss the possible pregnancy with your psychologist and put coping strategies in place if she is pregnant.

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