Help please. Child care arrangements

[user1485859001]

Hi ladies. I wrote a thread a while back about becoming a single mum. Well that's defiantly the case. We're putting the house up for sale.

My and the LO are living with my parents as he wouldn't move out and I can't live with him (that's another story). I mentioned before I found him controlling.

Anyway now we are trying to arrange child care. When he gets to see her. Ultimately he wants to have her 50/50 but I said two days a week. He only see her 2 days a week (with me there) when we were together. Even then he always wanted to work. He earns good money so doesn't have to work more.

So now I don't think he should have the right to see her because he feels like it now. When he got home she was in bed most of the time or going to bed.

Do you think the courts would see it in my favour. I'm really worried he's trying to take her away. I read that if he's trying now then he could get equal rights.

I just don't see how it's fair just because he's saying he wants to see her now.

Also I need to look into my housing situation. I can't stay with my parents forever.

He wants me to try get a mortgage and that I work more. My job is low paid so even if I worked full time I would never be able to afford a mortgage on my own. Also Im pregnant (which he knows about) so I couldn't pay a mortgage while on Maternity anyway. All he keeps saying is I will have to go back to work straight away and work more so that I can get a mortgage. Please tell me this is unreasonable. It's not like I'm work shy. Far from it. I just hate the thought of not seeing my babies and him having them.

How old is your child?

If he is demanding 50/50 can he actually look after her properly if he's working all the time?

He can take you to court after he has attended mediation & you - a lot of ex's I know have said they want 50/50 or tried to take residency and they don't get very far.

Housing situation; as you've said you wouldn't be able to afford a mortgage - don't let him dictate what you are doing! You're not with him anymore. You do what you feel is best for you and you're children. Weather that be living with your parents, renting or getting a mortgage. It's not his decision!

Hi OP just wanted to say your situation now is really none of your business. It's up to you to decide what you feel is feasible in terms of work / not work / renting / mortgage etc. He is BVU and sounds very controlling. Has he always been like this?

In terms of custody, if he's not currently seeing her 50:50, it's unlikely the courts would award it to him, but it does happen. It wouldn't jump straight to court either, you would have to go through mediation. I take it you haven't been to that yet? Realistically speaking if you offer him every other weekend and one night a week, you're offering the standard offered (IME). Could you suggest that and say you can go from there if he sticks to that but that those days you won't be around and he'll be on his own? Of course you don't actually have to want to increase his contact, but it sounds like he wouldn't even stick to the basic agreement anyway.

oh shit! sorry i meant your situation is none of his business. Sorry OP

She is two and a half.
He could look after her thurs, sat and sun. Poss more as he's self
Employed and earns well so he could
Prob take more time off.

Also he would get he's mum to have her on a wed.

She's already called me to ask if
She could have her ever Wednesday from now on. I said she could if
My ex drops one of he's days. She wasn't happy.
I'm not to worried about the housing
Yet. That's another thing I
Need to look into. It does stress me
Out tho with him
Texting all the
Time

X

Sorry what's BUV and IME?

No we haven't been
To mediation. I'm
Dreading it if we have to as he's so difficult to talk to. It's like talking
To a brick wall.

He's always been controlling. He's dads even said it but he's mum won't say a bad word against
Him.

Also tho if when
I have the baby surely he can't have her on he's own if
I'm breastfeeding etc

At the moment He is seeing her Thursday 9-8 and fri night till sat eve. I have said we could alternate weekends if not and the weekends he doesn't see her he could see her wed and thurs.
I'm trying to be fair but so annoyed he didn't want to bother when we were together yet now we are apart he is trying to control again and have 50:50

Bump

Why does your ex have to drop a day so his mum can have her?

If you want to facilitate contact with her grandparent then do so but it is a separate issue to his regular contact. Be careful just "telling " him what to do if it dies hi to court you will look like you've been negative about contact. Look at your child's schedule, look at what's he's offering, decide what's best for her and then put it in writing to him with HER needs firmly stated as your reasons for suggesting that contact. Be prepared to negotiate. If you do end up in court you need to be seen to facilitate appropriate contact. Just because he barely saw her before doesn't mean you shouldn't encourage more contact now. It may work out that they have a better relationship.

Unless there is a safeguarding issue obvs

Because if I drop a day it will mean that I end up seeing her less than he does. I'm the one who has raised her, gone part time with work and done everything for her. Not sure how it's fair that he just Snaps he's fingers and he can see her when he likes. Even up until recently he was trying to say he couldn't help me as much with her or the new baby as he would have to work more.

I'm not trying to stop him having a relationship by any means. But like I said he's controlling.

I think it's very important she has a relationship with her other grandparents also. I just don't see how now they want weekly contact and a set day for themselves when they never did before. I could visit them with her or they could come to us.