Family member picking up baby in the night

[yourfamousblueraincoat]

I’ve NC as I’m so upset and embarrassed about this incident.

I have a 7 month old who usually wakes at 4/5am for a feed. This week, my DH was away but one of his family members was staying in the house- not to help me with the baby but because of his work.

I have never done this before but somehow I left the baby monitor downstairs and apparently didn’t hear him crying in the night, even though my door and the baby’s door two metres away were wide open.

The family member did hear the baby crying and decided not to wake me up but to take him downstairs, where he ended up falling asleep on the sofa with him after he cried for a long time. This is where I found them at 6am. Apparently it was the second time he got up - the first time he put some toys in the cot for the baby to play with.

I am totally distraught about not having heard my baby and feel like an utter failure. At the same time I am very upset that the family member didn’t just wake me up when the baby was obviously hungry and fretful and wanted his mummy. Not to mention that toys in the cot and falling asleep on the sofa are against every safe sleeping guideline there is.

I made it obvious I was upset with him but feel like I totally don’t have a leg to stand on though as I obviously didn’t hear the crying myself. To make things worse, the family member - who I generally get on well with - was being all martyrish in the morning about his disturbed night of sleep.

I have been thinking about it all day and so worried that I may not have woken up for baby in the past although my husband is a lighter sleeper than me so hopefully this hasn’t happened

Am I over reacting in how bad I feel about this?

I think you are.
Unless you think they were deliberately keeping the baby from you, they probably did it with the intention of letting you sleep, which was a kindness.
You may not agree with what they did, so ask them to wake you if it happens again - but you should also thank them for trying to be helpful.

How well do you know and trust this family member?

Can you move baby back into your room for a bit while you're still getting up in the night? You might find it easier and like you say, what your relative did is against guidelines.

I wouldn't make too big a deal of it.

I understand why you're upset but I think he was just well meaning but clueless.

'I appreciate that you meant well but if it happens again in future please bring the baby straight to me even if I'm sleeping or busy' should do.

It’s really odd he didn’t wake you. What was his reason?

I know and trust him pretty well - it is BIL. But I wouldn’t leave the baby with him in the day for any length of time as he and his wife do not have children of their own and he has little experience with babies.

Yes I do agree it was probably well meaning and I do just need to draw a line under it/never let it happen again. He didn’t really have an answer as to why he didn’t wake me- just said “oh the baby and I were ok”. On reflection, maybe he was enjoying a moment of pretending to be daddy. He also has a high opinion of his own abilities so probably thought he could handle the situation better than the baby’s own mother

@NoProbLlama78 yes I shall certainly be moving baby back into my room when my DH is away at the very least

Do you normally wake up when the baby cries? This is very odd. Are you sure that the baby actually woke up? Maybe your BIL fancied playing dad and guilting you for some reason.