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14 week old whinges and cries all day

15 replies

MeadowHay · 27/09/2018 08:56

My baby has always been a crier. It settled down a lot when we started giving regular Infacol a few weeks ago so we figured she was having colic/gastro pain. She became much happier and had proper naps in the daytime and had always been a pretty good sleeper at night, sleeping about 10.30pm-7am ish most nights from being about 8 or 9 weeks old.

The last week or so this has all gone to pot and she just whinges and cries from the moment she wakes up until the moment she goes to bed and doesn't do more than like 3 30/40 minute naps each day, and is generally sleeping midnight til 4am ish and then waking every 20 mins or so but settles with her dummy but then spits it out until about 6/7/8am so we are up and out of bed constantly, when she wakes up properly for her breakfast bottle. Family members think she is teething as she has all the symptoms and DH said her gums feel bumpy. Anbesol doesn't seem to be helping at all and Calpol seems to have reduced the proper full-on screaming fits but she still whinges all the time she is awake. She also isn't drinking her milk properly either - HV saw her and told us to take her to the GP on Tuesday who couldn't find anything wrong with her but have asked us to take her back in again this morning for another check Confused. I'm assuming she's just in pain with the teething and will settle back down again?? But it's taking a huge toll on my mental health. I feel like I can't take her out anywhere as she will just whinge and cry and not even take her bottle properly, it's such a battle feeding her. I'm trapped indoors all day on my own while DH is at work, even getting out for a short 30 mins to the shops or a walk feels like such a huge task as I can't leave her alone at all when she's awake or she just screams, I usually have to use the first nap or two to do household chores so if I'm lucky I'll have a third nap to get washed and ready and she's usually woke up by that point and screams so I can't get out as I feel too self-conscious to take her our screaming especially as she's often hungry atm because she will only drink the odd oz of milk here and there. I just end up sitting at home with her all day and crying on and off all day and I barely have time to eat or shower or anything because I can't leave her alone or she screams the place down. I spend half the time just sitting with her sticking her dummy in her mouth over and over and over again while she spits it out over and over because it's the only way to stop her screaming. If I leave her without it she will scream the place down and I try and distract her with toys or whatever but that only works for like 60 secs then she's back to whinging and if she doesn't have her dummy she gets whingier and whingier and then cries and then full on screams. I feel so miserable all the time, I had an awful pregnancy with HG, then a traumatic assisted delivery which I still haven't fully physically recovered from and mentally I can't sleep at night properly due to reliving the birth all the time, and now I have a baby that just seems unhappy all the time in my company. She's much smilier with other people. Please tell me this will pass? I just feel like we are both so unhappy and that she just doesn't like me and would be much better without me. It's taken me ages to write this as I have to keep putting the dummy in her mouth over and over again and the last 60 secs or so I didn't bother and now she is properly crying.

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mindutopia · 27/09/2018 09:02

It will pass, but definitely get out of the house every day. It will make such a difference. Get your partner to help you get everything packed up to go the night before. And then get up and go mid morning and plan to be out til the afternoon. It really will make you feel better and things will settle down. It helps them just to have a change of scenery and if you can relax a bit, she will too (which is why you probably find it’s easier with other people). But yes, it will get better.

lolarose896 · 27/09/2018 09:04

It gets better I promise.
Make sure you talk to someone close to you, even if you feel like you are being annoying or moaning just talk and talk.
You could even go and see a doctor to talk about your mental health if you feel up to it? Good luck and big hugs xxx

Nightwatch999 · 27/09/2018 09:04

Oh OP the first few months are so hard and so so tiring for you. I would nap when she does, try pushing her out in the fresh air, all baby's cry so don't worry about other people. I think popping along to Sure Start where you can meet other parents might help. You sound shattered and i would take any help you can get.

See what your GP/Health Visiter says, it could be teething, could be the milk not agreeing, she may even be ready for weaning, or she may be overtired and wanting extra cuddles, stimulation.

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mindutopia · 27/09/2018 09:05

And if that doesn’t help after a time, definitely talk to your hv about how you’re feeling. It can be really hard, but it does get easier.

MeadowHay · 27/09/2018 09:30

I am planning to take her to a baby group at the Children's Centre this afternoon that I go to irregularly because it keeps clashing with appointments she has. But I'm especially anxious about it today given how she's been the last week or so, that I will take her and she will just scream and whinge the whole time. There is a mum whose baby is the same age as mine and he always seems so happy and content to just lay on the playmat and roll about and watch things but DD is not that mobile yet and also just won't lay somewhere and look at things happily especially not without her dummy.

I am grateful to the dummy or we'd never get any peace or sleep but at the same time I feel like she has it alllll the time now which I feel really guilty about and worry about her future dental development etc. Also her sleep has gotten so bad. She was drowsy and dropping off on the sofa so I put her down into her pram carrycot and she woke up straight away and just whinged and whinged and spat the dummy out and cried and this took around 20/30 mins, then I picked her up and lay her accross my chest with the dummy like she likes and she closed her eyes instantly and went to sleep. I know she is a tiny baby but I am anxious about how bad her sleep habits are, waking all the time for the dummy and unable to go to sleep if she's not being held or with motion (car/pram) + dummy. Should I be worried about this or should I leave it til she'd older to address this stuff? I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing all the time as everyone tells you conflicting information. Like my auntie's babies slept 5-5 every night from being around 10 weeks old so she thinks it's abnormal that DD is now waking loads in the night and won't go to sleep herself being put down and then on the other end my DM thought it was abnormal when she was sleeping 10.30-7 because I was still waking in the night until a few months after I started reception! I guess there is no normal really?? Although my younger sister had a dummy to go to sleep but DM said she didn't wake all the time in the night for it once she was asleep so I dunno why DD seems to?

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MeadowHay · 27/09/2018 09:32

Oh I also have a GP appt for about a fortnight's time to talk about my sore pelvic floor and sore episiotomy scar and my birth trauma. Sad I'm terrified she will want to examine me, she is a GP I saw once when I had HG and she was lovely so I specifically asked to see her but the idea of being examined makes me feel sick with anxiety, which I know is ridiculous considering the birthing experience I survived but I'm worried it will be more painful being examined internally now. I'm far too scared to attempt any kind of sexual activity.

OP posts:
HeyNumber2 · 27/09/2018 09:34

Sorry OP I haven’t RTFT but do you have the Wonder Weeks app? My DC similar age and is acting the same, could also be sleep regression. It’s very very draining but it passes xx

MeadowHay · 27/09/2018 09:54

Number Yes, I've found it to be quite accurate in the past but she's been like this since like last Monday/Tuesday and Wonder Weeks say she isn't due for a leap for another 2 days Confused.

OP posts:
HeyNumber2 · 27/09/2018 10:35

Maybe it’s just come early... seriously my DD LOVE HER AS I DO has been working my last nerve on this leap. Good luck to you hon x

ForeverBubblegum · 27/09/2018 10:46

She's maybe hungry, but bottle refusing due to teething pain. DS went through a phase like that and I found feeding just as he was waking from a nap helped. Even if she only sleeps 10 minutes on you, if you can get a good feed in her while she still half asleep, she'll be more settled and maybe sleep for longer next time.

Don't worry to much about sleep habits, she's still tiny. Just do what you gotta do to get through each stage as it comes.

Ps. We all feel like we have no idea what we're doing. Every single parent you see is winging it, even the ones who seem to have it together.

bAY6Hill · 28/09/2018 23:46

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SeaToSki · 28/09/2018 23:54

Have you considered food intolerances. My DS peaked with his at 4 months. We switched his formula to a hydrolysed protein one and he turned into a happy sleeping baby in 2 days. He was sensitive to cows milk, soya and a load of other things, but we caught it early and he luckily has grown out of most of it. Maybe try a cow and soya free formula and if it helps but not completely, ask the GP for a trial on the hydrolyzed protein one.

cazinge · 29/09/2018 21:38

Every baby I know needs to be cuddled or motion (car, pram, rocker) to nap to some extent. My DS (20w) will not nap any other way. If she sleeps on you, I would let her as she might be happier if she'd not overtired. Don't worry about bad sleep habits, even if you do create them you can resolve layer on when life is a bit more settled.

As for your feelings, I empathise. About 3-4 weeks ago I felt the same. Think it was the 4th leap / 4 mo sleep regression it was horrendous. I drove around. A lot. As it meant he slept. But please talk to someone and get some help irl, is there homestart in your area?

MeadowHay · 01/10/2018 11:24

Caz Pretty sure our local Homestart closed a few months ago as they couldn't afford to run it anymore after losing out on grant money from the council or something. I do get a lot of help from my mum who only lives like 5 mins walk away, I see her most days, I know I am soo lucky so I shouldn't complain. Plus DH is at work but still only out the house like 8-6 with half a day off each week as well and then obviously here on the weekends too and is great. I seem to have a few really tough days where I start feeling genuinely suicidal followed by a few days where she's not so bad and I feel not so bad. I need to remember in the grim periods that it will get better but it feels so relentless during those times. Yesterday I had a break from her as DH spent most the day out with her with his family whilst I did housework, still tiring like as I couldn't rest but it was still kinda nice to have a break from whinging and crying at least Blush. Was the longest we've been away from each other before which was weird.

She was drinking her milk properly again the last few days and the night before last slept through the night again which was great. But then last night was:
9-11.30pm sleep - up around 11.30 to be resettled with dummy.
Slept then til around 1.30am, resettled with dummy.
Then resettled with dummy hourly until 4.30am then about every 20 mins or so until about 6am when she was properly awake and making proper noises for a feed so got up and fed her.
After her bottle and a change she fell asleep on me around 7am with her dummy, I put her back in her crib, then she woke up at 7.50am and I spent around 15 mins resettling her in the crib with her dummy by like moving her tummy, then she woke up around 9am and was properly awake so I assumed hungry, but she only drank 3oz of milk and was rubbing her eyes and whinging again, so I gave her the dummy and she fell asleep on me again around 9.30 am and I put her in the carrycot and she slept until about 10.15. I don't understand why she didn't just sleep 7-10.15 if she was clearly tired for all of that time and wasn't really hungry? I don't know how to fix this really broken sleep she's getting and it mostly seems to be cos of the dummy falling out and her inability to settle herself back without it.

OP posts:
Hatstand · 01/10/2018 15:28

Could be sleep regression? To me the 45 min naps sounds like she's struggling to join up sleep cycles. We ended up taking the side off a cot and wedging it against our bed like a giant cosleeper, it meant I could cuddle her back to sleep or put her dummy back in without waking up too much myself. I went to bed at the same time as her as well to make sure I got some sleep.
I know some people on here suggest trying wake-to-sleep, which is where you gently rouse baby by moving their arm or similar before the end of a sleep cycle. The theory is it resets the sleep cycle I think? (Never worked for us as DD just woke up when we moved her but might be worth a go.)
I remember feeling really awful around this stage, sleep deprivation is the worst. Take the offers of help and enjoy the break!

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