Do you attend everything your children do?

[Vasilisa19]

First off...have a child with SN and frankly as much as we love him he is often a two man job and because of his complexities external help is hard to find.

My daughter does not have SN and we do our very best minimise her from the effects of having a sib with SN but sometimes its just hard for her. Although we make every effort to be at my daughters events (school assemblies, sports day, ballet etc), occasionally we simply have to miss the odd thing.

So there was a bit off a fuss made about Brownies church parade where children were told they HAD to go. My daughter was keen and I thought it was a good opportunity to spend time away from the family for a few hours. She was happy to be dropped off and picked up and the leader didn't seem to bat an eyelid, took her hand and she actually had a really fun time. When another parent began to notice that we didn't attend with her, she came up to me at school and said 'Poor DD not having anyone watching her' (or words to that effect).

Firstly, I had no idea that we were supposed to go as a family, I thought it was just another Brownie session (but in Church), secondly I would have had to take my DS along and sometimes I think she needs time away from him (as he can embarass her sometimes), thirdly, she never seemed to care much that we weren't there.

So fast forward to an event that was going on in the village. I arranged with a friend to watch DD so I could spend time with DS - When I dropped her off the same woman (from Brownies) '..Are you leaving her?!' When I explained the arrangements she rolled her eyes and said 'Poor DD' (Again!).

So my question is, is it normal to occasionally miss the odd event with the children, or is it a massive sign of me being a crap parent?

I'm a SAHM to 2, with no special needs, and no, I don't attend everything. I'll try to, but it doesn't always work.

You are doing an amazing job finding ways to give your daughter loads of opportunities to grow and develop. It would be very easy to say "DS won't cope with the demands if that do you can't do it".

Keep doing what you are doing!

Ime you need to weigh up what the higher appreciated `show ups 'will be. I don't attend every class assembly for example - 3 dc in the same school it was too regular!! Try to hit sports day, but miss church services, hit specially put on productions, miss Carol service but hit Nativity!

I agree with PPs, you need to pick and choose what you can attend. No everyone has the luxury to be able to attend everything each kid has on, it's unrealistic! Doesn't make you a bad parent, makes you sensible! Ignore the judgy other parent, id only be bothered if your dd started moaning that you were missing things that were important to her. It's still going to happen occasionally but that's life!

Whether we attended every thing or not is neither here nor there. That woman is rude and making her self seem superior. She is nasty.
You have a lot going on as a family and by the sounds if it doing a bloody good job.
You are not a crap patent. Keep doing what you are doing.

Ha ha no. Obviously if it is something important to DS I will go but general sports days etc quite frankly I have no interest on watching a bunch of four year olds running around a sports field. I would sooner drop him off and go read a novel in the pub down the road. My patents never came to these things when I was a child because they had more important things to do and it did me no harm at all. As I said if it is something DS has worked hard for and he wants me there I will go but if he doesn't care one way or another then there is no way in hell I going to go watch a reception class singing twelve days of Christmas or some such nonsense. Parents who go to all if these things just seem a bit weird to me. Over invested or something. Or maybe it's presenteism parenting.

Pick & choose.
Single parent 2 kids worked full time.
Couldn't make all. Just went to important events.
Mine don't mind & made it special when I could go. Sometimes granny or auntie went as substitute.

Completely normal. There is a birthday party coming up where it's optional whether parents stay or go. I will absolutely be dropping my child off even though there is nothing stopping me staying. There will be times where I can't attend something for one child because of the other one and I won't worry unless it's something really important. Eg there's a school assembly next week and if younger siblings aren't allowed I won't be able to go.

Same as others have said I pick and choose.
Working full time and having a toddler means we don't get to many during school hours events and anything in the evening usually only 1 of us goes while the other sames at home with the young one, or we get DD's friends mum to look out for her if DH is working late and I have to stay home.

General class assemblies tend to get missed, but sports day, a school play where DD has a significant part or a music evening one of us will go.

It's very unfair of the other parent saying that to you, they have no idea of your situation and obviously don't care that you may be feeling bad about not being able to get to everything already.

Your DD will understand, this coming from someone whose younger brother is autistic and though back then it was tough at times I knew what my parents had to cope with.