Dealing with toddler's awful behaviour

[Cranb0rne]

How do I deal with my 2 year old's awful temper tantrums? They can last 40+ minutes. He has just spent 40 minutes smashing up the house and throwing toys at me and screaming because I told him to stop throwing Lego down the stairs. I try getting down to his level and speaking calmly, telling him off but not yelling, time out (he won't stay in the place I put him in, doesn't understand the concept tbh), reasoning with him and sometimes shouting when I can't take anymore (awful I know). He doesn't give a shit, just carries on with whatever it was I asked him not to do.

I had an absolute terrorist of a 2 yo and my mum told me to completely ignore him when he started - it worked for me. After about 5 mins he would realise he wasnt getting a reaction and stop. He then grew out of tantruming as they do eventually!

Is he too big to put in a play pen?

Yeah, that's the problem. There is nowhere to put him that he can't get out of. Maybe it would be worth setting up the playpen again. Yesterday he was throwing heavy wooden toys at his big brother and I had to shout at him as that's just unacceptable. But I feel like shouting makes the problem worse as he copies me.

I watch Jo Frost put those children in time out again and again. Her approach is to not say anything to them, it's basically a form of training them until they get the message that no matter how many times they move, they'll be put back so there's no point in moving. Then following the "explain why I put you here and ask for an apology before you leave, then carry on as normal" steps.

Personally, I've never tried it but thought I'd mention that's her technique and advice. Apparently once they grasp that they will always be put back and you're in control, they'll stop resisting so much. Of course, the longer they've been allowed to get away with moving from the spot before, the longer it's gonna take for them to get the message and quite frankly looks exhausting for the parent to keep returning them. But again, apparently it works.

The terrible twos is a tough age - just remember he's testing to see where YOUR limits are. It's developmentally normal. Once you accept that, and approach it with that in mind then hopefully you'll be confident in however you choose to deal with the tantrums. I think giving clear consequences before the tantrum starts (when you can see it's going to turn this way or he doesn't get his way) is key to him learning. As you said before, eye level, firm voice and clear "if you do x then y will happen, your choice" and carry on happily go lucky. As pp said, I ignore anything further to that. Teaches them that they've been informed of the outcome, and they've made a choice on how they act - therefore it's going to play out how it is and tantrums don't change anything. That's when "growing out of it" happens - when they reach a developmental and learning stage of that concept

I used to put mine on the naughty step, which effectively meant sitting on the stairs with a stair gate at top and bottom.

Perhaps try flipping your reactions completely around. Have a look at Positive Parenting by Rebecca Eanes

I recommend how to talk so little children listen.

Could you strap him in a pushchair or high chair safely with things out of reach until he calms down? I know it's hard wrestling an uncooperative toddler into one though!

Following for ideas. And also, please don't think you're alone dealing with this behaviour! It's just that those of us dealing with this go out less then parents of angelic toddlers

I put myself on the naughty step. Guarantees some peace. I hope someone has the answer because my toddler is breaking me.

It's been quite a few years since my DD was a toddler, but what worked reasonably well for us was clearly signposting what would happen next, minimising time spent doing things that were hard with a toddler (shopping, eating out!) and always having a reward to back up something tricky. Such as, let's put these toys away and then we can go to the park. My DD had a small number of tantrums but they were quite epic in proportion when she had them. Tiredness and hunger were also potential triggers - especially tiredness.

DD2 has spectacular tempers, naughty step makes her more stubborn, telling off makes no difference. I have resorted to distraction. So far it's working 🤞🏻

I have always ignored, as long as they are safe just go about your tasks until they calm down. It will pass.

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Ignore him. Eventually he'll realise he won't get away with it. You're in charge. Get out of the way if he trashes things.

Tried the ignoring and so far it's working quite well. He doesn't get himself in so much of a state and calms down in 5 to 10 minutes. Not sure I'd want to go on telly with him hah

Thing is people use the naughty step in the wrong way making a huge deal out of it. Kids end up getting a whole lot more attention than if someone just shouted at them. The whole point of the naughty step is to ignore. You can do that without the step. Just keep calm and ignore. They'll learn that you won't give in and that you're in charge, calm. Even if youre not deep down. 🤣

When DC`s had melt downs, sometimes I had to hide my amusement, it was funny at times. If they had caught me I think that would have made it worse.