Controlled crying - some questions

[valentina01]

My EBF baby is approaching six months, and because she is a terrible sleeper and I'm at my wit's end, we are considering controlled crying.

I have read materials on the approach, and have a couple of questions.

When you go into the room to comfort the baby, are you allowed to pick her up as part of it, or just 'lukewarm' patting as one website put it? Do you stay until she's stopped crying? What if she doesn't stop?

Do you apply the same approach to naps, or just evening bedtime?

I'd rather not see my baby cry, but she's impossible to settle for naps, and wakes multiple times in the night just to have a moan and a thrash (and does not always feed, which suggests it's not hunger). Oh, and did I mention she has to sleep in our bed? She was in her next to me cot for a month or two, but has refused to go back in since her four month regression.

Help!

Hi, can't answer the Qs about CC, but I've just managed to get my baby (6 months, EBF, and has never slept in his crib, night or naps) to spend all evening in the crib and now nap in there too, using pick up put down method. I couldn't bear to leave him to cry so this was perfect for us as I was there the whole time, soothing and cuddling. Started on Thursday night and my life has changed so much since! I have an evening again and he's doing longer stretches at night too.

You may have tried this already but just wanted to put it out there as an alternative. Totally understand the wits end feeling, I was there this time last week too, sleep deprivation is brutal. I had to do something to break the feed to sleep cycle as once he started waking/feeding more frequently it was really aggravating his reflux and he was waking up 15 mins later in pain.

Six months is a little young for sleep training in my view. Going from sleeping in your bed to sleeping in a new room by herself without being picked up much might also be a dramatic shift for her.
Why not try having the cot in your room and if she wakes, pat or stroke her but don't pick up at once? She might learn to settle a bit better that way. Or at least get used to sleeping outside your bed.
It takes a lot of resolve to do anything involving crying - you have to decide something and stick by it. I'd start with just deciding she's not sleeping in your bed. She won't stay awake forever! Maybe try it on a weekend or when you have leave so you can take turns napping the next day if it's hard.

I think if you are still feeding during the night it’s too soon for any sort of sleep training. A 6 month old still needs to be fed on demand throughout the night and it isn’t necessarily possible to know if they are hungry or if you should let them cry. Also hate to say it, but the worst months for sleep are still to come with teething and crawling/cruising. I wouldn’t do anything now that will just go pear shaped again in another month anyway. There’s no reason to put either of you through it. If you want to do sleep training (and you don’t have to! Mine slept great when they were ready), then I’d think about it closer to a year and probably also after you’ve night weaned.

Thanks everyone. I wasn't going to start CC in her own room, that seems a bit brutal. I was going to do CC on our bed first, which is where she currently naps and sleeps, and then transition to the next to me cot, then into her own room when she's happy sleeping in the next to me.

I don't think I can hold out on any form of sleep training until a year! I will honestly lose the will to live and be a worse parent for it. I can just about hold off until she's 6 months, a few weeks away...

@Snorkmaiden85 where did you read about the pick up put down method? Thank you.

Pick up put down method - you basically pick the baby up when they're crying, when they settle put them back down
repeat!
Basically to be in your arms they have to be crying. They soon figure out it's not worth the effort and nicer to be not crying and in their cot. At least that's the theory.

Hmm I've just read up on the pick up put down method. Of course I'd rather be gentle and kind to my baby, but I think I'd rather do it quickly and get it over with than prolong the pain.

I'm still not clear whether I should apply the same approach to naps as to proper bedtime! Any parents out there with experience of CC?

We did cc at 10 months with my DD after seeing the HV. She had been waking every 1-2 hours over night since birth, and we just couldn’t cope anymore.

I hated the thought of doing it, it goes against every instinct to hear your child crying. But it was the best thing we ever did, for us and her. She was so so much happier from getting a decent amount of sleep .

Like I said, we did it after seeing the hv who advised us to do it this way.

Put dc down in cot and if they’re crying, go back in after two mins if necessary, lay them back down if they’re up, and say “it’s bedtime”, then leave again

Repeat after 4 mins if still crying
Then after 6 if still crying
Then after 8
Then after 10
Then after 10 minutes again if needed

They will be the longest minutes of your life, but for us, it was worth it. I think the longest DD cried for was 20 minutes, and it took 2 nights. She’ll be 2 next month and she’s slept through every night, after being put down awake in her cot.

I know it’s not for everyone but it truly was brilliant for us. I would say consistency and a timer are the most essential things for CC

That's really useful @ImSpeakingFigurativelyOfCourse was that for every sleep, including naps? And did you pick the baby up each time to comfort her, or just pat and shush?

We did it for naps too.

We were told not to pick DD up, just lay her back down or pat a her a couple of times, and keep interaction minimal

@snorkmaiden85 was your baby previously feeding to sleep? We’ve got a nexr2me but I always feed him to sleep in our bed then transfer him in once asleep and he’s waking every 2 hours all night at almost 6 months so thinking about trying something to change it!

@harrietm87 yes he was, or occasionally rocking but mainly feeding. He always woke up on transfer! He's still waking quite often during the night but it's a marked improvement, and will now often resettle with a bit of patting.

I did controlled crying with my baby at around 10 weeks for bedtime in her cot in her own room, worked in about 2 days and now she sleeps 13hrs.

Naps we started at about 16 weeks when she would nap in her cot, again took a couple of days now she sleeps 90mins twice a day like clockwork

@Lazypuppy sounds like you did CC for bedtime first, but not naps until later? Do they not get confused or is that ok?

@valentina01 i did naps later as she wouldn't nap well in her cot to start with so used to keep her with me and she'd nap wherever. Once we started having a few successful naps in her cot i did the CC as knew she would sleep there if that makes sense.