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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving my baby overnight for the first time...

22 replies

Daisy92 · 22/09/2018 21:09

So, I know how pathetic this post makes me sound, but I can't help my feelings, so please be kind!

My partner surprised me last week with tickets to see a band in a city a few hours away from where we live, which was lovely of him, don't get me wrong. He even booked us a lovely hotel overnight.

The issue is that we'll have to leave our 4-month-old baby overnight with my mum, and I can't stress how sick that makes me feel.

My mum is wonderful with him, so I have no qualms with that. I just can't bear the thought of being separated overnight from him, particularly as I've finally gotten a good routine sorted. Similarly, I won't have a good night away anyway. I'll be thinking about him and worrying 24/7. Ergh ergh ergh. I just don't want to leave him, and it's causing me stress to even think about it.

I told my partner of my worries, which caused an argument. :( He called me selfish, pathetic, and overbearing.

Please help.. Am I overreacting? When did you first leave your child overnight?

OP posts:

sleepsleepandmoresleep · 22/09/2018 21:16

I have to be honest, if my DH spoke to me like that regardless of what it was about of tell him to fuck right off! How nasty.

It's perfectly natural not to want to leave your baby overnight. It's also fine if you do want to, lots of mums do. Baby will be fine. But if you don't want to do it then don't. There's no right or wrong here.

I didn't leave my eldest overnight until she was 13 months old. She's 2.5 now and I've only left her a handful of times overnight.

We've just been invited to a wedding over Xmas time when my new baby will be 15 weeks so a similar age to yours and it's a child and baby free wedding (fair enough). I've already said I'm not going. DH is welcome to go on his own, but I'm not comfortable leaving a baby that young all day then overnight. He's not very happy about going alone but respects how I feel about it.

DDogMum · 22/09/2018 21:19

Why don't you invite your mum to come and stay a few nights before you go so she can see your routine for herself?
I'm sure your mum will do GREAT regardless, but it might put your mind at ease?

DDogMum · 22/09/2018 21:20

NOT of course that you have to or should leave baby, just an option xx

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spugzbunny · 22/09/2018 21:21

I left my girl for one night when she was 4 months. I'm breastfeeding so I pumped and left her some milk. I cried when I left, cried all the way to my friends, then got drunk!

I actually had the most amazing night! It really helped to know that I could leave her and she was fine and I was fine! It also helped me to remember that I am a mum but also a friend and a girlfriend!

When I got back the next day I cried again and fed her straight away and didn't put her down all day!

Your partner is a nob though

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/09/2018 21:27

It's understandable that you feel this way. I personally wouldn't have left any of mine at that age but some people do and it's fine if everything's been taken into consideration, e.g. how close you are with your mum, what baby is like at settling with other people.

SlB09 · 22/09/2018 21:33

Was in the same boat, left DS with my mum & do you know what? Had an amazing time and came back refreshed with even more cuddles to offer. But completely natural to feel this way x

Tiptopj · 22/09/2018 21:33

You don't sound pathetic at all - it's a big thing to leave your baby for the first time. I didn't leave my son overnight until he 8 months and that was at home with my husband whilst I was away. I think your husband has tried to do something nice but his reaction to you is horribly unfair and unkind. I really can't tell you whether to go or not, that's your decision and you should what you feel is right. Is there a compromise though- can you go the concert but get a taxi back instead of staying in the hotel? Can your mum stay at yours so you don't move the baby?

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 22/09/2018 21:38

With my eldest he was 3mths. Men sadly don’t seem to ‘get’it ... that first time is hard. If your little one is in a good routine and your mum is great you will be fine. There are phones, use what’s app or FaceTime so you can be reassured and see your little one. Enjoy yourself.....

anotherangel2 · 22/09/2018 21:41

Your partner sounds awful.

DD is 2 1/4 and has never been left over night without DH or I. Your hormones are screaming at you to stay with your baby so do that.

I would never judge anyone who does leave their baby but you don’t have to if you dont want to.

Yellowsunredroses · 22/09/2018 21:42

It’s perfectly natural and normal to not want to leave such a young baby overnight at that age. Your oh sounds like a prat.
FWIW both of mine were about 2 when I first left them overnight. Do what makes you and them happy not your oh.

Yellowsunredroses · 22/09/2018 21:45

Why not just see band then come home really late?

Original poster

Daisy92 · 22/09/2018 21:50

Thank you, everyone.
The gig would finish at 11:30ish, and then it would be a 4 hour drive back home, so staying overnight is the only option if we were to go. I wouldn't trust myself driving home at that time (my partner doesn't drive and I'm normally shattered by 9 these days haha).
I'm not sure if I'll go though. I'll broach the subject with him tomorrow and I'll go from there. It was sweet of him, but it really is a big ask. :(

OP posts:

Yellowsunredroses · 22/09/2018 21:53

It can take some people some time to adjust to how their life has changed post baby. He needs to adjust this is the kind of thing you can’t really do so easily anymore.

Another option is booking another room for your mum and having her look after your baby in the hotel for you to come back to after

Smallgiraffee · 22/09/2018 21:53

My parents had my Ds1 overnight when he was 3 weeks old and he was fine. My mum offered to have him as he was an awful sleeper, didn't sleep for more than 30 minutes in 1 go. I was really nervous but me and Dp had a take away and went straight to bed, it was bliss! I know it's very nerve racking but relish that time with your other half and remember what it's like to be just a couple

TwistedStitch · 22/09/2018 21:54

So he's given you a 'treat' that will involve YOU driving an 8 hour round trip and leaving your baby when you don't feel ready. He doesn't sound lovely.

AssassinatedBeauty · 22/09/2018 21:54

Why aren't you more angry about how he spoke to you? Your feelings are totally valid and reasonable, you don't have to leave your baby if you don't want to. Why does he think he can say things like that to you?

jdmummy18 · 22/09/2018 21:57

The person you need to leave is your partner. No way would dh ever get away with speaking to me like that!!

But if you're determined to stay with a nasty, emotionally & verbally abusive bully then you could consider your mum looking after your baby for an evening some time before the gig as a sort of trial run. Then she can do bedtime etc and you can come home and take over. This might make you feel more comfortable about going away for a whole night. Or as pp suggested, get a 2nd room in the hotel for your mum so you can take over care after the gig

ohdeardeardear · 22/09/2018 21:58

Tell him to fuck off. My son is 2 and I've never left him. No way.

Tiptopj · 22/09/2018 22:15

Ah yeah if you did decide to go an overnight stay is the sensible option. How old is your baby now? I only ask as if the concert is a few months away you might feel differently and might enjoy a night away.

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/09/2018 22:25

I don't like the sound of your partner coercing you into doing what he wants to do.
Many people leave babies at 4 months but it isn't right for everyone.
I didn't leave any of mine overnight until they were over a year old. Apart from anything else I wouldn't have wanted to wake my mother, mil or sister in the night.it wouldn't have felt right to inconvenience my family member and possibly upset my baby just for the sake of a fun night out for me and DH.
What feels right OP?

Galaxyteal · 22/09/2018 22:27

My partner surprised me for a over night stay away for my birthday when my LG was 3 months old. When he told me I felt sick to my stomach thinking of leaving her for the night but also excited to be going away with him. I wrote out everything my family needed to know and went through it with them and off we went. They sent pics of her through out the day and the next morning. It made my feel a lot better, she actually looked like she was enjoying life with out me lol, It was a nice relax for me to. I loved that feeling of seeing her the next day! Big hugs and lots of kisses :)

badg3r · 22/09/2018 22:49

Baby or not, I would not be driving an wight hour round trip to take someone who had called me selfish, overbearing and pathetic to a gig.

The first time away is hard and should be on your terms. How is the relationship otherwise? Is it possible he feels a bit pushed out (NOT implying this is your doing, it is just what happens when people have kids-they have less time for each other) and wants you "to himself"?

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