advice/hand hold newborn struggles

[2lilcherubs]

Feel like I'm a breaking point.
I have a 3week old ebf and a 19 month old. Dh has returned to work either working from afternoon til early hours or away for a few days at a time.

My dc2 still has night and day confused so is nursing from between 40mins to 1.5hr from about 4pm til 5am. Each feed last between 30mins to over an hour.
Last Sunday the feeding frequency increased during the day as well so I thought it was the 2-3week growth spurt but there is no sign of it ending. So lucky if at any time of day get more than 1.5hrs between feeds.
Baby will take longest spell of sleep in the morning 2-3hrs but I'm up with dc1 so I don't benefit for it.

To make matters worse baby is quickly turning into a velcro baby and won't be put down. So even if not feeding will fall asleep but I can't put baby down without waking and crying. This is around the clock, so at night when not feeding I'm still sat up holding. Sling is no use.
Dc1 is getting teary and feeling pushed out and I feel like I'm failing dc1 because I struggle with getting lunch/dinner etc on time because I'm nursing dc2.
Right now dc1 is in her highchair crying rubbing her eyes and I'm sat feeding dc2. I just feel like I have no time to give to my dc1.

I feel like the struggle I have is made so much worse by the fact I'm utterly exhausted so much so I feel sickly. I have no one around to help me, no family close by and friends are all working etc.

Dc1 by about 2-3weeks old had a good solid bedtime routine would go down about 7pm and sleep around 3hrs wake for a feed as I was goin to bed, straight to sleep and back down in bed sleeping a further 3hrs the quick feed and straight back to sleep and repeat til morning.

No entirely sure what I want out this novel of a post, maybe some suggestions on how to sort day and night. I keep day time feeds bright and noisey and night dark and quiet with reduced nappy changes.

Or maybe for someone to say their newborn fed/behaved like mines but by X age it got massively better - I feel like this is never ending.

Big hugs op, having two this young is hard.

My DD is nearly 20 months and I have a 5 month old. In those early weeks I was an absolute wreck, I thought I would never leave the house again, cried so much over feeling like I was pushing DD out because the baby needed so much attention, terrified to be alone with them...it's all completely normal and it DOES get better I promise!

This morning for example we have been out to a baby group together, DD had a lovely time, Ds was well behaved, and it was totally manageable...when I was at your stage I thought I would NEVER be able to do that.

Your eldest will adapt, routines will come, it will get easier...you are right in the trenches right now and you will find your way out.

You are doing great!

I have no advice I'm afraid but I have a 15 month old and a 6 week old, and for similar reasons you describe I ended up giving dc2 formula full time because I just couldn't cope with the tiredness and running round after a toddler who I was struggling to give my attention to.
Sorry, I know that's probably not helping you but just saying you're not alone it's quite normal. Just very stressful when you have other little ones x

Thanks @Namechangemum100 when did you feel it starts getting better? Other than tiredness I felt like I was coping great for first 2weeks then the velcro baby started and I'm at a loss what to do.

@unicorncham it's good to know I'm not alone, I have toyed with giving a formila feed to try get some rest but I really don't want to go to formula full time.

In all honesty I think it took a couple of months for me to really find my feet with the 2 of them and to feel like things were some what normal again.

Much like other pp, my ds is formula fed, so admittedly we didn't have the feeding issues you were experiencing, and I hope that settles for you soon.

Its still challenging, but once you get out of the super newborn first 3 months, day by day things start to improve.

Ds is 5 months and has this week been able to sit in his side by side pram in his toddler seat instead of carrycot which makes things massively easier when going out and about, as he was staying in his doona carseat and I was carrying 2stone DD in a hiking rucksack!

Take it day by day...the challenges you are experiencing today won't be the same in a couple of weeks from now, and it will feel normal again. My DD adores ds, and watching them smile at each other makes all the challenges feel worth it now, but it DEFINITELY did not feel like that at the beginning!

I feel like if I could get some regular sleep I would be fine. As it is since dh went away for work I haven't left the house. I spent til lunch time trying to get us all washed and dressed, by time I do that it's time for dc2s nap then afternoon is spent constant feeding while trying to organise dinner, bath and then bed.

Think once this constant feeding ends it will be fine I just don't know when that will be