F*#@ing Fortnite...ruining our lives 😫

[mrsthoree3009]

Please can anyone help or advise or just empathise. I feel like I'm at the end of my tether with my son. He is 10. Before his dad (who doesn't love with us) got him into this game, he was honestly such a lovely boy, would have his moments like all pre-teens but nothing major. He was doing dance club,football, loved to draw, played out with friends, etc. But since this game has been in his life, everything has stopped. Nothing else matters to him except this bs game. I limit him to an hour on after school and limit him to 2hr then 3 HR break on weekends. But he is so rude, so distruptive to the whole household. If he isn't on his game he is a nightmare. I'm usually really chilled and it takes alot for me to fly off the handle, but this week he has made me loose it. Hes lost Fortnite for 3 days now. But he's still rude. I say right tomorrow can we please start afresh, and he will moan about times, everything is about f#&@ing Fortnite!!! He was above average at school, now he's below. He is putting on alot of weight. He never wants to do anything. He is making me and my husband argue about it. It's affecting his sister's. And now he's saying, in spite at first and now will just say it, that he wants to go live with his dad. It kills me. I feel like the worst mum. I feel like he's gone from being a mummy's boy to actually hating me. And I blame this BS game 😫 I don't know what to do anymore 😢

The game is rated for 12 years and over - he is too young.

It concerns me that your post says He is making me and my husband argue about it - no. He's a child. If you and exDP can't have a civilised respectful conversation about this issue then that is you and DP being immature and incapable of correct behaviour, not your DS.

nb labelling and identifying your son ie "he is so rude ... he is a nightmare" isn't helpful. Label the behaviour, not the child.

That game is banned in our house too. I saw the effect it had in my 2 boys and I just told them they weren’t playing it anymore.
I showed them an article about how addictive that game was and how kids were wetting themselves rather than leaving the game to go to the toilet.
Mine do not play Xbox on weekdays at all. They find other things to do and get their homework done.

Your ds is only 10. Help him.

We've stopped it during the week. DS is looking forward to playing after school today and I think that's good. It's good to have something to look forward to.

We make sure to get out of the house at the weekends so he's not glued to it then.

For everyone saying "get rid" what do your 10/11 olds do in their downtime?? DS has never been into Lego and generally isn't good at entertaining himself. He doesn't like to read.

Jungmum I find the best way is to sit down with them at a calm time, tell them what your concerns are and what limits you are setting.
Let them know you’re doing it out of love and concern for them and not because you’re trying to make life a misery. Have back up info from news articles and parenting sites to help inform them.

OP I had the same issue with my 9 year old boy. It got to the point where he was getting up in the middle of the night and playing on it till I eventually caught him out he wasn't getting up in the mornings for school. And he racked up quite a hefty bill on my card (my own fault) I've now banned him from the game deleted it off his Xbox altogether and there's a massive change in him. He's sleeping better he's not grumpy. I'm a single parent so I know your struggle put your foot down before it gets to out of hand. He may say your mean and say nasty things. But personally for myself I done the right thing. I've got my lovely sweet 9 year old back who actually wants to spend time with me. Hopefully it works out for you.

Jungmum
Lovely that he pulled you back down for a cuddle. He’s still in there somewhere then.
Can’t help with controls. I’m as clueless as you!

Re controls there are a number of low tech options

1. Physically unplug the router. No WiFi. None for you either unless you have two
2. Take the XBox controllers away. I take them physically out of the house with me when I go out
3. Bin the XBox or take the base unit away.

1. Physically unplug the router. No WiFi. None for you either unless you have two

No need, just change the password.

DS is 8 and plays Minecraft, fifa etc. He's asking for fortnite but I've said no for now.

Can I ask what it is about this particular game that causes problems?

We went through this and came out the other side through very strict time restrictions on playing it and restricting YouTube videos of other people playing it.

It's an incredibly addictive game Morris and does things like get the kids into squads with their friends so that if they leave before the end of a game they let their friends down. Definitely hold it off as long as possible.

"Behavioural scientists are employed to ensure that the brain's reward system is manipulated so that kids feel so excited and engaged that they just can't stop playing."

Quote from article www.standard.co.uk/news/world/fortnite-battle-royale-video-game-is-too-addictive-parents-claim-a3807071.html?amp

It's actually designed to mess with kids' heads!

8 is too young for fortnite.
Even as a pretty mature 11yo DS struggles sometimes.

Hi OP,

My son loves gaming and Fortnight is a big one for him, at 16 he is a bit older but he is autistic so socially and emotionally much younger.

We’ve had real issues with this game but manage it with limited amounts of time he can play it which works well for him,

When he was your son’s age it was stuff like Mario Kart and in the end we did have to remove the console. It’s hard because he loved it so much but for us it was a case of having to.

After a week or so he settled down considerably but it took another month before he stopped asking when he was going to get the console back.

We reintroduced gaming at 14 but we had a great deal of discussion with him prior to doing so, we set boundaries and stuck to them. He has an XBox and various games. The key now is that he is able to rationalise stuff much more than he could when younger. He still has a rage occasionally but knows that if this happens the internet goes off and isn’t reconnected until we’ve had a discussion.

It’s hard but you have to put the needs of the whole family first here, he is part of a family and needs guidance to help him see what that means.

He will moan like anything at first but hold firm.

Get rid, seriously. The whole "down time" argument is such a load of bull--the research on gaming shows that people's psychological state gets worse not better when playing these sorts of games, making them completely ineffective as "down time" (and also showing that they are very different from other forms of leisure, like reading books).

These games are designed to be addictive. Your son is obviously one of those people who gets badly addicted and cannot use them in moderation, in much the same way that some people cannot smoke or drink in moderation but instead turn into hard-core addicts. Cold turkey is the only solution in such cases IME.

i have struggled with wanting to delete bloody fortnite too, but tbh, if i think back, i wanted to delete youtube too, and before that, i wanted to delete minecraft. The problem is the internet. Its massively addictive. Online gaming is something else.
Im not banning it because he gets to socialise on it, but if he starts raging, it gets taken away, and if he then gets angry with me, it gets taken away for longer. I have put limits on how long he plays for, and I give him lots of warnings when time to stop is coming up, so he knows not to start new games.

I also have lots of talks with him about trying to notice when hes getting overwhlemed and when he needs to take a break, and that to notice when people hes playing with are starting to act like dicks, he doesnt have to play with them. That tantrumming and swearing is not acceptable, and if the internet is laggy, then he needs to come off if its frustrating him
Gaming should add to your life. Not take things away. I also think fortnight is a craze that will likely pass in the same way that all the others did, but yes, this one does seem to be a tricky one.

@pixiedust2017 has it.

Great idea to restrict number of games not time- I’m going to do this.

A tiny advocate for these games- and with the proviso that they are addictive and can make kids become hard work: I have actually found it to be very very helpful for my socially anxious DS1 with ADHD to learn social skills.

He has ‘real life’ friends now like he never did before because he plays with them in Fortnite. Before he found it impossible to socialise with more than one child at a time - but they work as a team and get their arguments out of the way virtually. Also... he’s now 12 and I hear these boys talk about all kinds of stuff that boys don’t find it easy to talk about. Girls, puberty, relationships, real life.

Just saying a ban is no use - like anything they do need to use it to learn ‘how to use it’ responsibly

I was going to post the article about how the games companies employ scientists to help develop the games so they are as addictive as possible. Its totally evil.
I have found some games are fine and can be played for an hour or so and then ds will wander off and do something else. Fortnite, especially on a young brain that's prone to addiction (some brains are more susceptible) is like crack. We dont have it anymore. I have also got rid of You Tube and there's no phone after 6 pm for ds.(Fifa/ Marvel games allowed though)
Yes there was wailing and life was over etc, but actually he got over it amazingly quickly. You Tube in particular was a real problem for a kid with adhd...iit had a really bad effect on attention span, behaviour, everything.
We also had an x box detox for a while..I found him in his room drawing a comic book, totally engrossed.. they CAN find other things to do, and they will.
10 is too young for Fortnite so just remove it and don't be scared.

X post with girlwhowearsglasses Thats interesting RE your son's adhd and socialising. My son is pretty social anyway and plays a lot of sports so I don't feel I'm depriving him too much. I know it's different for all kids.

I am a HUGE believer in sports for young men tbh. It channels aggression into something positive, as well as all the teamwork stuff. I just think that teenagers need to be running, chasing, competing etc and these games feed into that urge but without actually burning off the excess physical energy, so then you get the rages and frustration. Personally I wish they did 2 hours PE every single day!

some folks are born

Bag it all up and store away in the loft. He is addicted to it.

Take it off of him completely. That's what I'd do

Sorry this is a bit late but I think this needs to be said. Fortnite can very well be a contributing factor to your son's attitude but you also have to look into mental health as well. His addiction to Fortnite can very well just be a coincidence after all! It is very important to look and see if a child's grade/mood/behavior drop as something a little bigger than what meets the eye. He is still young but one of my friend's children was diagnosed with depression at a young age as was I.
If your son is gaining weight and no loner willing to do things that he used to enjoy other than Fortnite, it might be wise to talk to him about it and see if there is anything troubling him. For all you know he is struggling internally and Fortnite has become an escape from reality for him. This is not healthy and a professional should be brought in.

Take this with a grain of salt because I am talking about my own personal experiences and this could not be the case. I agree with some sort of punishment as Fortnite has become a problem to him. It is your job to carry out appropriate punishments and you seem to be doing an amazing job as a mother! You care a lot about your kids and it shows!!!!
For a child so young it is your job to try your best to care of their mental health as well and get him help if he needs it! I find that depression in boys is really overlooked and they don't get help which really upsets me so I always try and point out signs where I can. You do of course know your child better than me so I may not be getting the full story so I do apologize if this offends you in any way- it was with the intentions of helping!

Side note: Banning the game upright and creating extreme restrictions will cause your son to be sneaky about his gaming and play the game elsewhere and hide secrets from you. It is good to be a strict parent but you also need to be fair

I sincerely wish you and your family the best and I hope this issue has been/gets solved with everyone getting what they want!

We only got our xbox in Sept and got fn at the same time. We have seen a change in behaviour for the worse too.

As of last Sunday my just turned 9 yo ds is off fortnite (and roblox or similar) until July. As it stand he is still allowed to play his other games (including remotely with his friends on headset).

We'll see how it turns out. Might have to ban all headset/remote play or eventually the whole xbox. He and his 6yo brother have only ever been allowed 2 hours each on the weekend and they can play together so a potential 4 hours altogether. Fortnite was not worth the agro and was causing extra arguments between the brothers and between my 9yo and me. I am hoping it's just fortnite though as he has played wwey219, Minecraft and Skate3 with friends online and not shown the same behaviours.

One of the issues is that all his friends are allowed more time than him on xbox and fortnite. I could have increased his time to resolve the issue but worried the behaviour would deteriorate more so i went down with the ban, lol. I would have had to match time given for my 6yo. Well I wouldn't have to but would have had near constant whinging from the little one that it was unfair.

Besides, I hate the online games anyway. They are fundamentally antisocial as you are not playing with the people you are in the room with. My son would have these play dates and then they would take turns playing fortnite with his headset on and effectively be playing with other people and not each other... wtf is that all about?! Then the neighbours kid comes round (who is lovely) and he wants and gets a turn and suddenly the Dan thing is on for 3 hours and my ds has a breakdown at the end because his friend and his neighbour all had longer than him (boo fucking hoo). FFS. ENOUGH. He is lucky I am patient, lol.

Sorry for the super long rant! I've been holding all that inside since last sunday.
PS: i told him every time he whinges about it i'll add a week but if he doesnt mention it that he can go on it for one more chance whenever the summer season starts even if school hols havent started yet.