10 year old left alone after school while mum works......

[DrNortherner]

A neighbour is leaving her 10year old dd alone after school till 7.00pm when she returns from work.

Is this acceptable/right/wrong/illegal?

Discuss

at 11 I was travelling across London by bus and tube to school, so being alone in the house at 10, I think I would have been safe enough.

Bit of a shame IMO that there isn't another solution

till 5.30 or so would be more acceptable in my eyes

I think till 7 is a long old time to be left by yourself when you are 10

but I doubt she will come to harm, just be a bit lonely and bored I would expect

aaargh! edam

DAMP tea towel on a toaster fire? Maybe you shouldn't have been on your own! Well done for sending your sister next dorr, though!

That's right, cornsilk. And actually the scariest thing happened when our mother's help was there - a former family friend turned up and tried to get in the house. He was raving and ranting and clearly not in his right mind. Mother's help put the chain on the door before answering and told him mother had said she wasn't allowed to let anyone in. While my sister and I said 'Oh, but that's Uncle Tim!' Turned out he had been sectioned, unkown to us children, and escaped!

ok, have just seen that au pair didn't turn up! Think you did fine in the circs!

Welll, a dry tea towel wouldn't have been much bloody use, would it? Think I'd seen on Blue Peter about smothering a fire with a damp blanket but knew you don't use water on an electrical fire so compromised on damp tea towel. But I sorted it out by sending sister for help. If fire had got any worse, I'd have run outside. Really wasn't in any danger.

edam, said you did fine, but water on electrical fires not a good idea, dry blanket would have been better. You reasoned it through, though, and called for help-a competent and sensible 10yr old!

When i was 10, our psychotic au pair woke us in the middle of the night in order to take us abroad with us- luckily I went and told Mum, who managed to prevent the abduction of 4 small children!

I think it is too young but also understand the dilemma.If she was not on her own it would seem less risky.

tissy

Its not wrong, just might not be what others might do or find acceptable. I would leave my 10 yr old, but would make sure she didn't cook, heat up anything. She can manage toast on her own.

I was often left when I was 12 and even remember being off school staying in bed all day on my own, while mum worked. Neighbour used to know and I knew how to work the phone.

I never thought of it as my mum being neglectfull, but just the way things were, needs must. I wasn't off school that much.

Maybe next time you see the girl you can tell her to come round if she needs help. Its nice to know there is someone around you can trust even if she never needs your help.

When I was 10 I was left on my own when off school, used to cycle all over the place, went to shops and got the shopping and cooked meals independently. It was the norm. I still struggled to cope with travelling to high school on bus and remembering to get off at right stop etc. God knows how my ds will cope, he relies totally on me and dh.

Bloody hell, Tissy.

(I know about electricity and water, honest!)

I used to walk home from school with my 6 yr old brother at the age of 10, and make us beans on toast in the house.

My mom or dad would be back for around 5- 5.30.

Like a lot of people have said, it really does depend on the individual child, it is sad that she is being lef alone for all that time though.

Could you have a chat with the parents and say that you are happy ofr her to pop in for a while, or come to see you if there is a problem/if she wants some company?

well, I used to be left alone until 7pm every day after school at that age.
TBH I hated it - felt v. lonely, ended up cooking, baking & stuffing my face all afternoon and watched really crappy TV (Love Boat anyone? have seen every single episode it seems! )

Don't think it's wrong per se but I would never do it to my children.

In response to the op, I doubt the parent is doing it by choice. The parent is newly arrived, has managed to get work and has got the child into school. She obviously would benefit from some community support and someone to check the child knows the basics ie number to ring for emergency and some basic stranger danger. I think practical help of some sort would be what's needed, if there's anyone willling to help.

I am living overseas and a friend in a similar position met a woman at her nearest bus stop. They got to discussing childcare as my friend needed someone to look agter her 9 year old daughter some days after school and didn't know anyone locally. To cut a long story short, the nine year old girl now has a surrogate grandmother who helps her with her homework , walks her home from school and shares in her news. The woman at the bus stop lived alone and had never had children and is delighted now to be a surrogate gran.

I can remember being left at home age 10, in half term and holidays. Only thing not good, was one time my mum was out shopping for the day and I got appendicitus. Spent the day feeling very sorry for myself. Was taken straight to drs at teatime and offending appendix was removed that night

It all depends on the child, I think. Most of mine were mire than capable to spend a few hours alone but 2 definitely weren't

I would try to befriend the mother and let her know, that if child is in need, she can come to you

I was left on my own after school while my mum worked at that age. Mum used to get home about 5.30 though so I didn't have to get my own tea.

Our neighbour across the road had a key in case I got locked out and kept a general eye out. In fact, I recently arrived at my parents for a visit, they were still at the shops and I realised I didn't have a key so I popped across the road for it. Neighbour said it took her back 20 years .

Some cultures do eat their evening meal later so she might just be getting herself a snack. Could you offer to keep a key for them?

Oh, and I far preferred being in on my own house reading etc than going to a childminder like my friend. Different things suit different children.