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Three yr old pushes things away/refuses then wants them back, repeat...what best to do?

4 replies

gingkofeesh · 19/09/2018 19:55

Absolutely exhausted by this behaviour, which comes and goes in phases of a few days at the moment. My DS will suddenly announce he doesn’t want something, even usual routine things like his night time Milk. If we take it away he screams that he wants it. If we give it back or try to encourage him to accept it he then pushes it away again. He’s currently done it with his teddy bear - thrown out of cot, th n screaming for it, I gave it back once and said I wasn’t coming back, the h threw it out again.
I’m now ignoring him but it’s very difficult. He’s keeping up a whine, rather than out and out tears and upset. But I don’t know what to do or how best to react to this. It seems to me that rewarding the ‘game’ with any kind of attention is probably a bad idea, also futile as it just continues for ages or until he melts down into a proper tantrum/we take it away. but it’s very hard to hear him calling for things for ages (he’s persistent!). It feels like I’m not meeting his needs - but then if I try to he just rejects whatever it is again and round we go. How do I stop this cycle/pattern? Has anyone else experienced it? Thanks

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sleepismysuperpower1 · 19/09/2018 19:56

i would offer it back to him once. if he pushes it away, say 'ok then.' and go and do something else.

ShovingLeopard · 19/09/2018 20:02

Absolutely agree. My three year old does this when she's very tired, or already frustrated with something not happening how she wanted it to. It's almost like she looks for a repeat of the frustrating experience.

I offer once, say 'ok, you don't want it' and then take it away. If she asks for it back, I just say 'no, you said you didn't want it, so i've put it away now'. Then ignore/stay breezy. She's doing it a lot less now she knows I won't play that game, and she will lose (temporarily) whatever item she says she doesn't want.

MumUnderTheMoon · 19/09/2018 20:02

If he is going to be persistent then you have to be too. Don't give in to whining he's just trying to see how far he has to go to get you to do what he wants. All kids do it it's pure manipulation you just have to let him know it won't work by not playing the game.

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Caterina99 · 20/09/2018 15:32

My DS did this. I think they probably all do. I did what the PP did and offer it back once and then it’s gone. They soon learn

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