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Original poster

Holiday arrangement with awkward ex

14 replies

Ratty18 · 19/09/2018 19:35

Me and my partner wanted to take my daughter to Wales for for a few days in October. I mentioned it to my ex and he agreed we could take her, so we went an booked it and paid. Now we’re only a couple of weeks from going, my ex has now changed his mind about letting her go. I told him that it was all paid for and booked and he says he will have her for a couple of days while we go, but expects me to cut my holiday short as he can’t have her the full 5 days. What am I meant to do? Give in and cut my holiday short? Cancel it? Leave it to him to make other arrangements with our daughter?

I feel like I’m hitting my head against a wall here, he tends to do this any time me and my partner make plans.

Please help.

OP posts:
donajimena · 19/09/2018 19:38

Do you have a court ordered arrangement?

Original poster
Ratty18 · 19/09/2018 19:42

No everything is agreed verbally.

OP posts:
WooYa · 19/09/2018 19:43

If there's no court order he can't really stop you... maybe look into one so future plans can't be changed at short notice

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spacefighter · 19/09/2018 19:43

You don't do anything but take your child on holiday and have a good time. You aren't going abroad so you don't need his permission. Ignore the idiot and enjoy yourselves.

FishesThatFly · 19/09/2018 19:47

Why would you let him stop you taking her to Wales? It's not abroad, he can't have any concerns about safety as l assume she lives with you and... again l assume... she's not missing school.

He is just trying to be awkward and nasty.

I think a Court Ordered agreement needs to be drawn up and even then you'll both be allowed to take DD away for an uninterrupted holiday

Original poster
Ratty18 · 19/09/2018 20:05

@fishesthatfly

He is saying that he doesn’t feel comfortable that my partner is going as he hasn’t met him yet. My partner and I have only been together a couple of months so he says it is too soon. It seems fair enough to me that he has concerns, though I feel that he shouldn’t have agreed in the first place. Why wait until we book it and it’s all paid for to then change his mind. What annoys me is that it is my partner that has paid for the holiday, and I feel bad cancelling or cutting it short when it isn’t even me that’s paid for us to go.

OP posts:
CripplingAnxiety · 19/09/2018 20:11

If he's just concerned because he's not met your partner could you not arrange something beforehand so that they've at least been introduced to one another? (I'm not talking lads night out just like when you drop off/pick up DD can partner be with you to say hello to ex)

Original poster
Ratty18 · 19/09/2018 20:17

We’ve tried to make plans to meet before but he always has an excuse last minute. I’ve not met his current girlfriend either, and we bott agreed that both parties should meet so have tried to arrange a kind of double date a few times but he just doesn’t seem to want to know. It’s so frustrating!

I’m also kind of worried how my partner is going to react to him. Recently my ex threatened me and smashed my house up because I was late picking my daughter up because a train was cancelled. My partner was livid about the situation, and he’s not one to bite his tongue lol.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 19/09/2018 20:19

Sounds like it's about control. Take your DD with you it's not his decision.

FishesThatFly · 19/09/2018 21:05

How did he smash your house up? Shock

Has he got access to it?

If you have tried to get them to meet and he is being awkward then email or message him the following...

Acknowledge his concerns that he hasn't met DP but point out the times that you arranged for that to happen.

Give further dates when it could occur but make it quite clear that even if he hasnt met him that you will be going away anyway

theworldistoosmall · 19/09/2018 21:09

Let him crack on with his demands. If he has any objections to you taking her on holiday then he can take you to court. I wouldn't bow down to this control freak.
And he hasn't met your partner. Your private life is just that and he has no legal right to know about him or meet him. Same with you don't with his partner.

Original poster
Ratty18 · 20/09/2018 09:32

@FishesThatFly

He threw stuff around my bathroom and smashed a hole in the bath. He still has access and refuses to give me the key back. Saying his name is still on the tenancy with our landlord.

Thanks for all the advice everyone :)

OP posts:
FishesThatFly · 20/09/2018 09:43

Can u speak to the landlord and get his name of the tenancy?

combatbarbie · 20/09/2018 09:50

Remove him from the tenancy, change the locks and just go! Your still letting him control you.... take it away and go to email contact only.

Yours and his partners are neither of concern....it gets thrashed about here all the time that you can't control who your engages when with the other parent. He's had opportunity to meet him, he's chosen not you. You've done your part

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