Struggling with guilt over my decision

[livesbx]

Im 42 with one child. After having our dd I made a conscious decision not to try for any more. Dh was on board. We are now way down the line and I am questioning my decision. Probably because it's the end of the road for my fertility but I worry that I've been selfish leaving dd without a sibling.

DD has never asked for a sibling and seems very happy. We do lots of fun things and I always have her friends over but I think about when she's an adult and we might not be around.

I think I'm just having a wobble as I also have been staring at babies in the last few weeks. Bloody hormones!

Siblings don't always get on. My 2 boys - the oldest one thinks the youngest is the favourite, and vice versa. And at least a child without siblings will have all your love and attention, and probably all the holidays and material things. Has your df got cousins?

i feel your pain op. I went through similar even though there were loads of reasons why it wasn't a good idea for us to have a second at the time. All I can say is there are massive advantages and disadvantages to any family set up you can think of. Can think of quite a few advantages and disadvantages for our daughter in our own personal set up. Too late for us to change now. If too late for you too you just have to think it is what it is. Enjoy the positives and try to minimise the negatives for your child and for you. Best wishes.

Absolutely agree with pp - there are advantages and disadvantages to every family set up. You need to make a decision and make peace with that - your DD will be completely fine no matter what. And it's almost definitely hormone related, it's apparently common to feel broody in your 40s - which is not to minimise the feelings but it means it may well pass! It's hard

No cousins, one disinterested uncle and elderly gps which freaks me out a bit about how she will be all alone in the world if anything happens to us
I know this is silly...

I just need to own the decision and be confident it's the right one but yes I think hormones have a big part to play

Update on this

It's definitely hormone related. Last week I was all but ready to throw caution to the wind and ready to try again. This week I am in a more sensible frame of mind and can see that there is nothing wrong with having one child and my decision is ok. Hormones definitely don't help..

It will be a rollercoaster ride for the next year I think!

My DD2 really doesn't like my DS2. She sees him as an annoyance.

Siblings don’t always get on. I barely talk to my db, we have nothing in common.

I have 2 dd’s and they dont get on AT ALL... constantly fighting and they genuinely seem to hate each other. I find myself regretting having 2. On their own they are fantastic, but together is a different story. Family outings are more like WW3 and not pleasant, to the extent we don’t not do they as often as we could.

She won't be alone in the world. She will no doubt have her partner(s) and/or a close circle of friends and/or DC of her own. Billions of only children have thrived in the world. Your DD will be one of them.

Yes I am sure she will be fine

It's just me that I need to deal with!

I should have said I was an only child until I was 18. I quite liked it. I'm a bit of a loner.

I'm an only too. I loved it.. so I know deep down she will be fine..

I think it's just end of fertility hormones messing with my head

I’m one of 5 and so is my dh. We spent much of our 20s and 30s investing in/supporting different siblings. I think it meant we had less time for friends. Recently certain things have happened which have made us think that we can’t really trust most of our siblings or at best, they’re not that interested in us.

My dh in particular has taken that hard as he feels ‘alone’. I keep saying he has me and our kids, but I’ve also encouraged him to build new friendships/invest in old ones. I think siblings can be a burden and many people don’t get on with theirs. I’ve also become increasingly aware of the sibling rivalry dynamic which never goes away and also contributes to the feeling of not being able to trust them. Friendships are different, you’re not competing for the attention and favour of parents. We’ve got two children and I’m happy they won’t have to deal with some of the complex sibling issues we’ve had to deal with in adulthood.