DH worried about how to be a dad to a girl

[DaisyChain22]

We are expecting our first baby in 5 weeks and we are both over the moon to be having a little girl. Yesterday we were discussing it all and DH admitted to me for the first time he is worried he won’t be a good dad to a girl, as he doesn’t know how to ‘play’ with girls or know much about girly things. He does come from a very male dominated family so everyone close to him is football, boxing, rugby mad etc.

He is saying he fears our little girl will be very much mine and that she won’t want to play with him or spend time with him because she will want to be with me doing girly things all of the time. I have tried to say to him that perhaps he’s trying to plan it too much already and it might be an idea to just go into it all with an open kind and that he will probably feel different once she’s here. He is really quite upset by it all (not us having a girl, but the idea that she won’t want him)

Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice?

Kinda. It was me not sure about girls because while I like makeup and glitter I like other things too...I wasn't keen on two little princesses and sitting through endless dance classes.

So while my girls did do dancing they also did kickboxing and swimming, one is a season ticket holder at the football, the others studying a STEM subject at uni... raise your kids with well rounded access to activities and hopefully they will be well rounded individuals.

It's just the pre baby nerves I reckon. No one thinks they will get it right.

I was very much a 'daddy's girl' to a pretty blokey father. I was into lots of stuff like dolls, glitter etc. But I also had cars and scalextric and loved watching formula 1 with him too. Everyone's different - I don't think 'girls are like this' and 'boys are like that'.

He can take her to football, rugby and boxing, no bother. Understandable that he's anxious, though.

Female children are not born "girly". For a long time she will just be a little baby with basic needs before all the pink, girly, glittery crap starts. And in fact, it doesn't have to start at all if she shows no interest in it. Maybe your daughter will enjoy some of the things your dh does, maybe she won't. He will form a bond with her (hopefully!) before the "girly" stuff starts and then it won't matter.

You do child things with your child.If he is set on the fact that your DD won't want to play football with him because she's a girl,that's how it will be but children are themselves.Girls can build Lego,play sport,drive cars.
Do a mix of stuff and don't assume some things are for girls,some things are for boys.
As a not interested at all in glitter and makeup woman I found that bit hard myself - but for my DD it was a phase.Actually your DH might not want this advice but he could still be interested in what his DD loves even if that is pink glitter and makeup.....And if you have a DS there is no guarantee he would be into sport like his Dad,children have a disconcerting way of not being quite what you expected ,you have to just go with what you've got!

I am dad to a girl and boy. I knew I wanted a girl and also knew I wanted her to be able to do anything.
I don't like the idea of boys and girls toys / activities, although I'm realistic (and coming to the conclusion more) mortuary girls and boys are different.
Until they're 2 they're just a baby so ask him not to worry.

I think it's really sweet that he's so worried. He sounds like he will be a Fab dad and he should relax a bit.

You do child things with your child.

This.

The best way to deal with his anxieties is to get stuck in right from day 1. That way he will get to know his little girl, know who she is, rather than some vague general idea of what little girls are. It may well be that she will love daddy's activities and take to football like a fish to the water. But part of being a parent- of any child, of whatever sex- is that it also widens your horizons. In that sense, it's like falling in love: you actually want to learn about what makes the other person happy. He may find that there is a surprising amount of fun to be had out of activities that he'd never even thought of. He will have time: she won't come out of the womb with a ready-formed personality or ready-formed interests.

In my experience having had two girls and now the nanny to two granddaughters girls are often daddy's girls so I think your DH will be fine. My DGD1 adores my son in law and he had not much experience with girls. She loves cars and diggers and trains so they have plenty to play together with. She also loves dolls and her kitchen/dolls house.

You're parent to a child. The end. The rest is bound to create sexist gender stereotypes.

My husband has two boys. Other than tennis which is hardly a gendered sport, neither of my sons are very ‘boyish’ (whatever that means). He spent the weekend playing board games with them and swimming and in the park and reading books to them. Which I reckon he would have done had they been girls. I am very very very non girly. Never did nails/hair/glitter/princess. Funnily, both my sons love glittery pink stuff and the older one always says pink is his favourite colour. He’ll work it out as he goes along.

What you both have just now is an imaginary person (because she’s not here yet) and all you know is that she’s a girl... it’s daunting.

But what you get is a baby and by the time she’s a person with likes and dislikes you actually know them because you’ve been there while they developed them and it’s just not an issue.

My husband was exactly the same when we discovered we were having a girl. She's two months old now and he's forgotten all about his initial ' gender disappointment' and is totally besotted with her. He takes her swimming, sings to her and is very hands on, just as he would have been had she's been a boy. He loves her as his child, blind to her sex, and regardless of what typically gendered interests and pastimes she may go on to have. I'm sure your DG will be just the same.

• DH