Do you ever feel like you're not much more than a pair of boobs?

[Shabeth]

I've been struggling a bit today. Have PNA and possible PND anyway and having cbt for it. I've been feeling as though if it wasn't for the fact that I ebf my 5 month old i wouldn't be needed around at all.
I feel the bond on my side I love her more than anything she's the most perfect thing I've ever seen, but I don't get that she just needs her mum vibe from her at all.
She's just been ill and as horrible as it was seeing her ill I loved that she seemed to need cuddles from me. Until my in laws showed up to help and she was just as happy sitting with them.
She's happier and more relaxed when her dad is home, he gets the giggles, he doesn't get any screaming at bed time, he can settle her faster than me at night (unless I'm feeding to sleep) he changes her faster and doesn't fumble with her clothes. He's an amazing dad. I can do everything she needs I know what her cries mean the second they start or that she's about to cry before she does.
But I just feel like if I wasn't breast feeding and I wasn't around she wouldnt even notice.

I'm not sure if this will make sense, but I hope it does. The fact it seems like she doesn't need you probably means she sees herself as a part or extension of you. She won't be able to demonstrate that she needs you (nor would it be a good idea to try to make her) because you are part of her/ she is part of you. I imagine she feels terribly out of sorts if you aren't around, but fortunately she has nice grandparents and a nice dad who can and will jolly her along.

I think Red is right. You are so part of her that she takes you for granted which shows how close she is to you even if it doesn’t feel very great.

I'm not trying to say that she has doing anything wrong like she knows what she's doing, she's just a happy lovely baby so she doesn't bother who's with her and I think it's great she's so calm. I just don't feel like she really needs me more than she needs anyone else. It sounds so childish when I actually say it and I'm sure there's more to it but I'm having trouble putting the feeling into words

What people are trying to say is that because she's so tiny, she doesn't really realise that you and she are separate beings.

I think what others have said is correct in that she has no concept of herself as a separate being from you. I think you should give yourself some credit for being a great Mum to her though. Part of the reason she is happy and relaxed is to do with her personality but part of it is that you have always been there for her, loved her, held her, fed her and never taken away her confidence that you would be there. So she now doesn't look like she needs you because you have fulfilled that need before she even knew it was there.

Exactly how i feel. Like a himan dummy!!! My 14 month old is still clinging on strong.

We still co sleep, still ebf, and he has a full set of teeth. I do wonder when he will ever be off it.

I felt similar to you at tunes when dd was the same age except I FF so sometimes it really did feel like I wasn’t needed!

As time has gone on though, she has started to express more of a preference for me over DH when she’s hungry, tired or has had a bump and needs some comfort. She’s 11 months now and if she’s unhappy with being held by someone else or wants a cuddle, she’ll throw her arms up to me and babble to be picked up. She settles to sleep for me much faster than DH, who was similar to your DP in that he is the much more confident parent. She’s more than happy when DH is looking after her 1:1, but like you, I just know what each cry means and what she wants when she starts crawling towards me while shouting for attention.

Things really started to fall into place when she was 8/9 months old- I can’t quite explain it, but it was like we had worked each other out by that point and she knew I was always there when she needed me.

Thanks everyone :) woken up feeling better even if she did wake up every hour through the night! I get what everyone's saying, it's probably putting a lot on her to want any sort of reaction from her at this age other than just being content.
Think I've just felt so unlike myself since she was born and I constantly feel like I'm not doing it right or not doing what I should be for her so other than my boobs she'd be just as fine with anyone else.

Ugh, it is so hard Shabeth. I promise you will feel normal again at some point, it's just getting used to the new normal isn't it.

What everyone else says about her feeling like you and she are the same person is right. Don't forget too that you get the screaming etc because you are safe. Keep going, you're doing brilliantly