Would you go abroad with a 1.5 and 2.5 year old?

[AlpineButterfly]

Ds1 and 2 will be 1y8m and 2y8m next sept. It's looking increasingly likely that the 'family holiday' DH won't be able to come on. Would you take this agreement abroad as an only parent? What do I need to consider?

For full disclosure, my SD says he wants to book something for DM birthday and that he won't be flexible on dates. Apparently I'm not allowed to tell DM as it's a surprise so sd will go ahead with inconvenient dates. DB will be coming with his wife and daughter also.

I'm trying to keep my emotions out of it and be practical

Tbh - no. I wouldn’t go. Inconvenient dates, to a location I presume you aren’t choosing, one your own with two toddlers.

No.

It's for DM 60th. If that makes a difference

I know if I told DM she would say she'd miss DH and that we should pick different dates to go.

I'm already struggling with having such an unavailable DH and this had kind of tipped me over the edge

As it’s a year away, how is your DH so unsure that he’s unable to go? What’s preventing him?

He goes to uni alternate weekends from sept-june so he'll definitely have to be there. It's a part time course around his ft job

No chance. I have an 18 month old at the moment and I wouldn't go on holiday with him alone, let alone consider taking his sibling too. You have to be so vigilant at this age especially when you're in an unfamiliar, potentially unsafe environment.

If you did go I imagine it would be stressful and potentially extremely unpleasant for all involved.

I think I probably would, but I know my DM, DB and SIL would all pitch in to help me. So if family dynamics were different and I knew I'd be left to look after the kids alone I would probably feel differently.

It depends on how happy it’d make your DM and how much you’re prepared to put yourself out to make your DM that happy.

I think your SD is being a bit ridiculous really. If you and your family don’t go, it’ll hardly be a family celebration for your DM. So he’s kind of giving you no choice. He hasn’t thought this through.

In your shoes I’d be telling your SD I wouldn’t be going, neither would DH or DC, and as such why doesn’t he take your DM away and the following weekend you throw a party for DM at home; or alternatively everyone else does this trip but let him know you’ll be making clear to your DM that your mom-attendance is because of practical reasons and you’d have done it if you could (basically you’re not making a point of spoiling it for her).

Will your DM/SD/DB pitch in and help? If so, yes I’d go. If not, no chance.

DB and SIL will be wrapped up in their DD. And rightly so. SD and DM will be good but will also want to be with my DN. DM tends to martyr herself and might tire herself out so I'd need to be mindful it's supposed to be her birthday week

I read your title, and thought yes.
Then I saw it would be you on your own, with 2 small, but mobile, kids, and my answer changed to no!
I fly a lot with the kids on my own - but this started when they were 3 and 5. Much smaller than that is very hard work. And the holiday will be no walk in the park either.

If you do decide to go ahead, suggest booking a plane seat for the under 2 if you are flying more than about an hour. You don't have to, but it gives you that little bit more space once the seatbelt signs go off - they will need to be on your knee for take off and landing.

Make sure the location is family friendly - no villas backing into pools etc.

Make sure DH is around when you get back, as you will be exhausted!

Can’t your DH just miss one weekend of uni? It won’t be the end of the world if he does.

I would do it but it would not be fun. I went abroad with a 1, 2 and 4 yr old. And my DH and parents and it was still hell.

I've just been away with my DH and our 16 month old daughter. Would I fuck take two of them away in my own 😂 it was just about ok with a 2:1 parent to child ratio but it was still exhausting.

To add, our villa had hard tiled floors and a few random steps so she needed to be watched constantly, rather than at home where it's generally safe and i can let her run about while I Mumsnet. Genuinely don't know how one person would keep an eye on two toddlers in that sort of scenario (although I don't know how much less supervision the older one would need).

I am usually very happy to do stuff and get on with things, by myself if necessary. ( and I have four children!) However, I think it strange that your step dad is being inflexible about dates at a year's notice. I think I would just get your husband to respond saying that you are unable to go that weekend due to his Uni, stress how important his Uni is for the greater good of his family/ earning potential etc and suggest some different dates. Then I would sit back and wait and see if step dad changes his mind. After all, it would hardly be the family celebration he has in mind without one of her children and surely, she would want your son and her grandchildren to be there.
I also agree with other posters that holidaying with small children is harder work than being at home as everything is unfamiliar, you don't know what the risks are and things aren't set up as you would have them at home. If there is also a history between you and your husband of you picking up the slack/ getting on with it by yourself, than this might be an opportunity to let him know where you boundaries are. As they say on Mumsnet.... No is a complete sentence! Good luck with it all. 😀

No no no.

I am big on holidays with dc provided dh is there. Its just too exhausting for you and too dangerous for the dc to even consider it.

Stand up for yourself. There is no reason why sd cant book it to accomodate everyone. Its your dms birthday but its everyone elses holiday. It has to fit in with you. Tell him to book something else for her actual birthday.

No.

Really hard work travelling with two of them at that age. Meals out will be a zoo, meals in, who will cook and shop for everyone? I am sure everyone will pitch in but cooking nice ‘birthday holiday’ meals for 5 adults with 3 toddlers in tow and making sure your Mum doesn’t end up doing the work sounds stressful.

Can your DB also persuade your Mum’s DH of his folly? At what point is he intending to reveal his surprise?

Is your SD intending to pay for you all? Or are you paying your way?

I live abroad, I have two children and when I go back to the UK I always go with them alone, we have pretty much the same aged children too OP. It depends on how confident you are that you'll manage, if it's too much of a hassle don't go.

I emigrated from the UK and we fly back regularly to visit. Have just got back back with our nearly 3 year old and 14 month old and I would not have wanted to do that alone. Fortunately my oldest is very sensible and likes sitting and colouring but the youngest is a total liability. Dc1 also had some good going tantrums which would have been a nightmare to deal with alone whilst preventing dc2 from running off, climbing up and off something.

Thank you all for your input. I've had a long chat with SD. He reassured me that they'd all help but I was clear that I'd be upset to take the boys abroad without DH. We're missing out on a lot to put him through uni and although it'll ultimately be worth it, it'll be a shame if the first time the boys go abroad it'll be without their dad.

SD is willing to do June with us and a weekend with just him and DM in September. But we've also figured we can manipulate the dates if we go midweek to miss a uni weekend altogether!

Going abroad with such little kids is pointless imo. Loads of work, unfamiliar tools and location. No, no and more fucking no!

I don't disagree with you. IMO it's a complete waste of money but it is for DM's 60th and SD is paying. My boys are pretty good though and hopefully enjoy a pool if there is one

We had some lovely holidays abroad when mine were a similar age, but with both of us there to look after them! Wouldn’t have done it on my own.