How many investigated for adhd are actually diagnosed

[cactusplant]

I admittedly don't know much about this so apologise if I come across as ignorant.
A friend of ours has a dd who is being investigated or referred for adhd.
Mum is really worried.
We regularly have dd for the weekend here and she is an absolute credit to her Mum and a pleasure to have. No complaints at all and I am quite strict, that's not even relevant I guess as kids can be different in all different places. Trying to support Mum as she is focused on the worst and already has it in her head understandably that her dd definitely has this and I just wondered if there are many children that go through the referral process and are found to have no problems? I'd just love to give her some reassurance, or if anybody can offer any practical help?

Anybody?

ADHD isn't about being naughty, basing things on the fact that this child is 'good' has nothing to do with the disorder at all.

It's called a behavioual condition as it affect behaviour, as in the childs ability comparative to those of their peers, like ability to focus, working memory and so on, not behaviour as in being good or naughty.

And no they will not diagnose unless she has it.

Thank you for your reply @CaptainKirkssparetupee. It's good to know they won't diagnose unless she actually has it and I have no idea what the process for that is.
I don't mean good as In just opposed to naughty, I just mean that she's good for her age, we have her often for full weekends and she has never struggled in any way or shown signs of any problem and I think I was just hoping that there might be some way of finding some hope for Mum as she is so worried.

It's hard to support somebody with something you have no experience of. But I would like us all to be supportive

Well from a school point of view, far far less than used to be the case.

I had DD2 assessed for ADHD. DD1 is diagnosed with autism, and I was convinced there was something wrong with DD2 too. There isn't. She was displaying challenging behaviour that is standard for a sibling of a disabled child, but other than that, she is NT. It was a private assessment and cost £600, so it's not even like I paid for a diagnosis - I paid to be told all is well.

"It's good to know they won't diagnose unless she actually has it "

WTF?

What are you REALLY saying here OP?

Let me help you out here.....
What you are really saying is:

that this girl comes to stay at yours, is no problem, as far as you are concerned: so actually You suspect she Doesn't have adhd, it's just the mother insists she has, and has put her in for assessment.

Is that it?
God help us........

You seem to be making back-handed swipes at her parenting when you go on about how you're strict and she doesn't give you any trouble, no struggling, etc etc. Not the most supportive.

I have to agree with Oblomov in that you seem to think she doesn't have it, because you've made some sort of non-professional, uninformed quasi-assessment in your head.

Seriously, just be there. Don't make judgements. Don't compare parenting or how she behaves at yours compared to hers. Parents Mothers of children that have special needs are beaten with a stick on a regular basis over their parenting, no matter what they do.

And FFS don't trot out the "anyway, they'll probably grow out of it" nonsense. (just heading you off at the pass on that one)

Oblomov's got it in an nutshell. Bet OP thought they were handing Adhd diagnoses out like smarties?

Yes here referred and diagnosed with ADHD - also waiting for assessment for Autism, the thing to remember with ADHD is that it the behaviours have to appear in multiple settings but may not appear in all settings some children are better at controlling behaviours than others - why does her mum think she has ADHD? (Apologies if I've missed this bit reading on phone!)

When we started the process of diagnosis (different country here) for DS we had to:
give permission for everybody (kindergarten , school, etc.) to be interviwed (written) about him
have our whole familial background examined
the child went through a complete and thorough physical health check including ekg and eeg, full bloods, thyroid, etc.
and through tests of cognitive abilites of all kinds -
turned out that not only did DS have ADHS (and more), but his DSis, too, passed on to them via his DM (me) and one DGM.
And no - neither of us grew out of it. We just learned to cope - DC better than me or their DGM who sadly had no help whatsoever and developed comorbidities en masse.

OP, with all due respect, you are suggesting that the this child's mother is making it up. Children with ADHD/ASD have to go through a long and complicated process of assessment before they reach a diagnosis. I know this as I have a child with ASD and have been through it. I am really taken aback by your comment "it's good to know they won't diagnose unless she has it". That applies to every affliction in life you know? What are you going to say to her? I told you so? I have dealt with this more times than I care to remember because my son is high functioning and masks very well. It is hugely frustrating. Also, you have absolutely no idea if she's struggling or not...my son copes amazingly well until he gets home...and then the shit hits the fan. Please choose your words carefully with you friend. Children are not referred for diagnosis willy nilly I promise you.

Thank you so much for the replies
Gosh quite shocked it had come across that way, I was open about the fact I know nothing about it and would like to know more just for support.
I'm not for one minute comparing parenting or suggesting Mum is making it up. I said my parenting was strict just for context as i do feel when she is with us she is better behaved than my own kids a lot of the time and such a credit to Mum. Mum does an outstanding job herself I just think she could be given more support not just from us but other members of the family too.

the dad has never been in the picture and Mum does amazing and her absolute best but also works 2 jobs doing the parenting load of two so i don't think that helps so then Mum is getting the brunt of her behaviour at home but then she seems great with others, whether she has adhd or not I feel as a family we need to support Mum a bit more I hated seeing her so distressed worrying about what will happen with her in the future and outcomes of assessments and just being overwhelmed with it all.
I'm not trying to be condescending, I don't think she needs support because she isn't managing in any way but because she deserves that and she's going through a worrying time.
I have never known anybody close to me with adhd so I just wanted to have an idea how it worked to support her. In hindsight my comment does sound a bit stupid, I just meant in the context of her situation, If they haven't assessed her yet it may be that she might not have it, which does sound stupid but I'm just hoping things are ok for them.
I don't for one minute think Mum is making anything up things are challenging at home and I just want to be able to understand to support her which is hard when you have no idea how it all works. Thank you for the helpful comments though

OP, it's lovely that you want to support and it's also to your credit you want to learn and understand. At the moment, you just need to do what you're already doing. When, and it's likely to be a when rather than if, Mum and her DD reach diagnosis, then you don't have to change anything really. You continue on being supportive, you continue on doing weekends. All I ask of you is that you don't presume the child you have in your household is the same child who lives with her mum. ADHD/ASD is complicated. To us parents who live with this day to day, we appreciate that not everybody sees or experiences the vagaries of the condition. Thus your non-judgemental support is very important. Just be there....carry on doing what you're doing. Also, there are lots of resources out there to learn about this, so perhaps have a google. I appreciate that you're being a good friend