When will parenting be less all consuming?

[igglypiggly]

I have a DS 18 month and work 4 days a week. Partner loves our son but doesn't live with us and not fully involved. I have good childcare but not parents / family nearby. I am happy, I love my job and my son but work is literally all I do. From waking to sleeping it's mental load and actual load. I don't read books or watch tv, I go out very occasionally and find it a bit overwhelming when I do. Probably because I'm out of practice.

So - when does it/ does it get better? What sort of age and stage might there be some headspace? How do you prevent burnout and retain your sense of self?

You are no longer responsible for just yourself. There's someone else there now who you're responsible for, and things will never be the same. Your ds is at a very dependent stage of life atm (as you know) but things will get better, bit by bit. Nursery, school...if you've got anyone offering to help out, share the burden ...bite their hand off!

Not fully involved? Why is this? Can you share more of the responsibility and coparent? If not out out are there any activities you'd like to take up with your free time? Hula hooping, learn a language, sit in a cafe child free and read?

It's complicated re partner and not just useless man being lazy. But the upshot is that 90% falls to me and that's just the way it is. But maybe the mental load will always be this heavy then? Although at some point I guess he will be able to get himself a glass of water or something!

Ummmm 21 years in and its still all consuming. Rather than physical like when they’re little (and I do have primary age children still) it’s mentally all consuming. You’re never just you any more... sorry!!!

I guess though that you get more back and as the relationship grows you kind of fill the “it’s so worth it” bucket up so much that the “OMG it’s so tough” times seem more bearable. Or you just get used to it I guess- like Stockholm syndrome!

For me, 7, sorry that seems ages away for you but they're old enough to reason with properly. Still all consuming but in a different way, I have 'me' back now.

I'm in a slightly similar position myself with a committed but absent father for DS. Don't want to say too much as it's quite outing. It does get easier. DS is now 2 and I have started reading again which has made me feel more like myself. He can also now entertain himself playing with toys, drawing etc while I do other things. I have accepted that the mental load is here to stay. Think that for me it's preferable to having to negotiate every minor detail of his life which I've seen friends and family do. It does get easier as they become more independent.

Does he ever take ds on his own? Does ds stay at his ever?

Years 7- 12 are generally easiest imo.

My Dad says 40.

It gets gradually less intense along the way: as you say they get more self sufficient.

My dd is 29 and still the worry is there!

Sounds like useless man being lazy. No doubt he's got 'special' reasons

Just to cheer you a bit, DD is 3.3 and has just done her first week at funded nursery (mornings +lunch) and i was just musing this evening on how easy life is compares to the baby year/s. She’s lovely and talkative and insanely overenergetic, but i can explain to her what needs to be done (housework/ journeys/ day plans) and she gets it. She might not help much, but if i’m lucky she does and even if she doesn’t, she doesn’t just scream endlessly at me having other things to do like she did at 12 months. I remember feeling it getting easier at 18 months, significantly easier at 2, and better everyday since then. Life is pretty nice right now there is life at the end of the tunnel, i promise.

Dad needs to be more involved. Can he take him for half day a week on his own to give you some space? They are all consuming but if there's two parents around the burden needs to be shared

Awwwww that’s nice @GreenthoughtInAGreenShade. A lovely positive post, rather than it never ends. Thanks for giving us all hope 😃