I can't cope with exclusively breastfeeding anymore but baby refusing bottle

[SaltK]

Just what the title says, really. Have been ebf my son, now 17 weeks. He took the odd bottle early on, but I stopped coz formula was making him constipated and fitting in time to express was a nightmare because he was eating every 2 hours.

Now he is still feeding every 2 hours through the day, and at least twice at night (although in the middle of the sleep regression, so more atm), but I've been able to express and freeze sometimes. Recently felt like I needed to start giving him bottles and he just won't take them. It's like he doesn't know how to do it and quickly gets annoyed. Have tried MAM and Tommee Tippee bottles with variflow teat.

I'm feeling a bit desperate; it's so hard having to feed every two hours and do all nights myself. Feel like I haven't had any time to myself since he was born, and starting to struggle (feel selfish and a bit of a failure for saying that). Also wondering if I'm mad to be trying this in the middle of the 4 month regression?

Any advice gratefully received.

Difficult, have you tried perhaps getting somebody else to feed via bottle whilst you're out ? It may take a bit of time to get your baby into the idea and you'll have to be out so can't smell you
Have you tried d a different formula in case he just doesn't like the taste?
Both mine took to a bottle after I decided to combi feed so I have no real advice except what others have said

This is a tough one. You can keep on trying different teats in the hope that there's one he likes. However, chances are he just doesn't fancy the bottle. You can go down the hard route and go cold turkey - don't offer the breast, keep offering the bottle and he will get the hang of it. This is hard on both of you, though.
I wouldn't waste any money on cups because they're a faff. Fine for a feed a day, not for 10+ feeds.
In two months' time at the latest you can start solids. Chances are you will be able to reduce feeds in three months or so. You haven't got that much longer of ebf. It seems endless when you're going through it, but it's actually a short space of time.
Fwiw, my bottle refusing DS2 completely changed his mind when he was 8 months old and started taking the bottle. He's 2 now and still loves his bedtime milk in a bottle!

Thanks for the advice, both - I've been giving him my milk, so it's not the taste he doesn't like. It's so frustrating having to throw away ounces of hard-earned milk!! Sometimes I try with formula (Aptimil and Hipp), but feel like he's even less likely to take it then!

I did think that about the different teats, best, that he probably just doesn't want the bottle no matter the teat! I don't want to stop breastfeeding, I just want the option of someone else feeding him now and then. Maybe I'll try a cup, for a one off feed, and start the countdown to weaning! I know it's not long in the grand scheme of things, but after a week of bad day, every day starts to feel like forever!

Wait till hungry give bottle to DP and go upstairs after a few times he will get the idea your not there and start to take the bottle x

Did that work for you, babyshark? Have tried it, but baby just refused and screams and get so upset it just descends into the ridiculous. Maybe we need to persevere. Maybe I'm just too soft and give in too quickly.

I read your post with interest SaltK. I cannot offer any wisdom other then my LO (16 weeks) gets on with Man bottles and HiPP formula - I know this isn’t really what you’re asking but offer this up as we’ve been on a journey to get settled on these......
I’m interested in how you’re coping with sleep regression? Think we’re going through it too and I am totally exhausted - any tips???

Hi Helen, thanks for the advice; I've tried MAM bottle and Hipp to no avail - glad it works for you, they are just all different, aren't they?

Commiserations on the regression, it's an absolute nightmare! Sorry, I have no advice. I'm just trying to give him opportunities to learn to self soothe or self settle, whatever it's called, but also make sure we all get enough sleep to function! We're only about a week and a half into it, so we'll see how things progress! How are you handling it?

Is there any chance your milk has high lipase?

I found Nuk teats were really good and I know lots of people swear by Minbie, worth trying a few I think.

Not great! We weren’t getting much sleep before so it’s pretty tough. Just keep telling myself - this won’t last forever....
Good luck with the bottles xx

If you’re happy to formula feed I recommend the below, I had this exact problem but had to go to work FT at 6 months, firstly dd decided she’d rather starve than not bf whilst I was at work so held out for about 12 hours a day between me being able to feed her! So initially I used a cup, just a small normal cup and poured expressed milk into her mouth (we started this at 4 months but was a slow process) I bought 20 different types of bottle no expense spared and she took none
As if by some miracle she absolutely loved for some strange reason the small aptimel 1 ready made milk. They were expensive but eventually it meant my dh could feed her and they were amazing for her.
https://www.mothercare.com/starter-sets/aptamil-1-first-infant-milk-from-birth-starter-pack-6-x-70ml/607514.html?CAGPSPN=pla&CAAGID=50694801107&CATCI=pla-376569360170&cmmmc=GoogleeFeedingng--MC-UK-G-Shopping-Feeding-Catch%20All//---+-+&utmsource=Google&utmmmedium=CPC&utmcategory=Google+-+Feeding&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-a7T5a-73QIVK7HtCh2avQHJEAQYASABEgIMnvDDBwE&utm_content=

I honestly don’t think it’s the bottle. Perseverance is key. Go out and leave partner at home. Dont come back until bottle has been had. We tried a fast flowing teat- it definitely helped. Also try different times, baby may be more receptive first feed in the morning.

Was really worried baby wouldn’t take bottle and I was due to go back to work, we persevered, it worked. Keep trying. We used the bottles that came with my pump- avent bottles, didn’t get any special ones. Just changed to s size 3 teat

Hi OP, my DS is 18 weeks now. He's also ebf and I went back to work two weeks ago. He's never accepted a bottle from me, he'll scream the place down whenever I've tried. To get him to take a bottle I had to leave the flat so he couldn't even smell me. DH looks after him during the day whilst I'm at work, he's only taking 2oz during the day which isn't ideal but I'm hoping it will get better with time. He fussed so much more with me it's untrue, DH jokes it's so much easier to look after him when I'm not at home!!

You'll get there truly but I'm with you on the waking every two hours a night, it's horrific but as with anything it will end (that's what I'm telling myself when he wakes up at 430 and I'm up at 530), I've just resorted to going to bed at 8pm to get enough sleep.

Don't throw your expressed milk away; freeze it.

Okay, you may never end up using it, but if baby does eventually take to a bottle, you'll have some in reserve. You can also use it for weaning if you want to make up cereal and the suchlike.

If you’re feeding thawed breast milk have you tasted it? Mine has some funny enzyme thing that means it tastes absolutely horrible once frozen and I think it got easier once we tried offering freshly-expressed milk.

You can definitely try just a normal cup.

I think my son was over 6 months when he got the hang of a bottle anc didn’t just cry/wait for me to come home with a boob, but he will now (at 1, when I think he’s meant to be on a cup!) take expressed breastmilk in a bottle while I’m at work.

Bear in mind as well that it’s likely to feel extra awful and overwhelming if you’re mid-sleep-regression: I’m sure I went slightly mad at those points! 2 hours between feeds is long enough to nip and have a coffee with a friend and no baby/have a long lazy bubble bath/go for a swim/do a bit of a hobby. See if you can plan in some snippets of sanity to help you through!

This probably isn't what you want to read but my ds never took a bottle completely refused it but didn't know how to use it. Bottles and nipples require a completely different technique and after 8-10 weeks it can be very difficult for them to learn how to use a bottle. It does get easier and the feeds do become less as they get bigger. Try to make sure you are giving both sides for each feed, but make sure he has emptied one before going on to the other.

My bottle refuser liked her milk MUCH hotter than we'd think normal.

Used to put the teat upside down in the neck of the bottle whilst heating the milk so the teat got warm too.

I was really disorganised when I went back to work when DS1 was 6 months and only tried a bottle the week before and he wouldn't take it! We tried all sorts of different ones and he really tried but just couldn't work out what to do. Then my breast pump broke down and by the time I had a new one we couldn't waste any of the milk I expressed trying again until I was back at work. Went out for 12 hours for work and left DH and DS1 to it and luckily DS1 got the hang of it quickly when he had no other option! Have you tried going out and leaving your partner to it? I think DS1 just wouldn't persevere when I was there.

My DS would only take the NUK teats that are shaped like a nipple.
I would also give the bottle to my partner and leave them to it.

When I went out he wouldn't always drink loads but he would take enough to keep him topped up until I came back

My ds was a bottle refuser too OP so you have my sympathies.

At 17 weeks though you are very nearly at the point where I found it got much easier. Ds got much better at leaving bigger gaps, particularly overnight. He started to go 2.5 hours, then 3, then finally 4. And weaning definetly helped. We also introduced a sippy cup of water with meals and eventually (at about 8 months) he was happy to be passed his cup instead of a feed at 1am.

It's very intense while you are in the middle of it and on your knees with exhaustion though.

Oh OP, this is hard. My DC3 was just like this. He took some bottles in the beginning to top up for weight gain ( tho to be fair very slowly) then absolutely refused from 4 months. It was like he just couldn’t work out the different action needed to feed from a bottle and used to gag on the teat. I tried minbie teats ( MAM /Nuk) that worked on my previous child we’re rejected! With Minbie I could sometimes get 1-2 Oz in best tried when picked up for a dream type feed. To be honest in the end I gave up trying and continued EBF, it was easier. From 6 months he took water from a tommee tippee but no chance he would drink milk from it! If you can ride it out for a couple more months then he’ll be dropping some feeds when he has meals and taking water so you can time when you can leave him with others.
Sorry, it’s maybe not that helpful but just being honest. We have 2 other children who EBF but then no issues with occasional bottles. They are all so different! Good luck

^^ this! Crosspost with Frouby but totally agree

Have you tried using a latex teat rather than silicone? We had a similar experience with ds and found he would take milk with no problems from a latex teat. It worked out more expensive as they need replacing more often as they go a bit sticky.

We used the NUK bottles.

Mine wouldn't take a bottle either (however long I wasn't there for!). At 4 months we put milk in a tommee tippee first sippy and she had some from there. Once she was 6 months we discovered the momma lansinoh sippy cups and she'd take a full feed from them.

Mine wouldn’t take a bottle, though later had success at 7 months with a bottle to sippy cup trainer spout.

It’s worth also trying fridge cold, or just unheated milk! Mine wouldn’t drink expressed milk warm and liked it just defrosted. Weird.

You’ve probably tried this already but is the milk in the bottle warm enough. He’s used to milk at body temp which does feel quite hot if you test it on your wrist. Maybe even get a cooking thermometer and test it? Both of mine were definitely fussy about temperature but would happily go between Breast and bottle if the milk was warm enough