Poo withholding please help

[Auntycaz]

I started potty training my 2.5yo 3 weeks ago and from day one she started withholding her poo. I abandoned the training but she won't even poo in her nappy. She is terrified.
We have tried everything. Reward charts, bribes, treats. We have shown her cartoons, us pooing etc but she screams she needs a poo all say long and is in pain all day but won't let it out. She will hold on for about 4/5 days and then go in maybe 5 or 6 incriminants screaming blue murder. I'll have my lovely daughter back for a day then the process starts all over again. Screaming. Writhing. Lithargic. Badly behaved. I'm losing it. Actually feel like I'm being unhinged.
I have a 4 month old and I'm living in 4 hours sleep. I'm not able to stay patient and I'm sorry to say I've shouted at her. I honestly don't know best to do. Dr has given her lactulose she has 30mls a day and it's doing nothing. Please someone help. What can I do?

You need to go back to the GP. My DD went through similar at around 2. She's now 4 and still has issues. Lactulose didn't work for her either. She is on a combination of Movicol and Senna and under a specialist at the hospital.

We also have a new baby and get minimal sleep and having to deal with accidents/withholding does sometimes result in us losing our temper. It's tough. She seems to be sensitive to the dosage of meds so the slightest tweak and she can go from very constipated to being completely incontinent with diarrhoea. Other times she soils herself on purpose and when very constipated she holds it in because she is afraid it will hurt.

The best advice I can give is get the doctors to try and resolve it ASAP. It seemed to take ages to get anywhere with DD and now the poor kid has started school and is effectively not toilet trained. It's heartbreaking and we see no light at the end of the tunnel.

Hopefully for your LO it is a short term issue. But make sure the GP is taking it seriously nonetheless.

I have had this problem for almost a year with my son. He got really badly constipated once when he was still in nappies and he used to hold it for days and days and it would really hurt him. Gp suggested lactulose, didn't work, movicol didn't work, removing dairy from diet improved but didn't fix the problem. We started potty training when he was 2 and he got the hang of not weeing straight away. He is now 2 years 8 months and we are just getting the hang if pooing now, the answer....prune juice! Just a small amount once a day totally softens the bowel movement and instead of once a week son is now going 4-5 times! I always let him go when he says he needs It, don't pressure them and make a massive deal out of how brilliant it is when the do It! He also likes to flush it away himself too! Good luck! It's very hard and testing but will get there
Xx

Movicol would be much better than Lactulose.

We had issues with our DD and having a poo. The doctor had her on lactulose but I was advised by my health visitor that children over 2 should be on Movicol - it is much more effective. Our DD was on Movicol for about 9/12 months and then we turned the corner! Good luck

My son got an impacted Bowel when he was about the same age and he was given movicol. Worked really quickly and we never had another problem

Thank you for all the advice it's been really helpful but I think you've opened my eyes too. This isn't "a phase" like the Dr says. I feel this is going to be a long term issue for us which makes me sad. The next step is getting the right medication. I feel like if she was 'made' to go every day then it would become less scary and just become a normal part of her day again. I did feel like the Dr wasn't taking on board how serious it was and how utterly awful it is for all of us. I need to go back and get some better medication. I think that's where we start.

OP I hope I haven't scared you with my experience. There's nothing to say your LO will go through the same long term issue as mine. My DD is very strong willed and it is as though whatever triggered that first episode of constipation has never left her brain. She just has a negative association with poo.

I think your GP is irresponsible to brush it off as a phase. It may well be but it could also be very serious. One time my DD went over 8 days without pooing. She was in pure agony I almost took her to A&E. I always think to myself if it had been taken seriously sooner maybe she would be over it by now.

If it makes you feel any better the continence team say it is very common and they have thousands of children in their care. So you are not alone and there is support available. We have a nurse that phones regularly to see how things are going.

Good luck x

You have my total sympathy, what you’ve described is exactly what we went through with our then 2 yo dd. She got constipated one day, it hurt and I think she just decided she wasn’t going to poo again! Our GP was way too slow to react, telling us we should give her more fruit and veg, then by the time he gave us Movicol he didn’t say anything about upping the dose so for a long time it didn’t improve. What I know now is that if they withhold for a long time, it becomes a reflex and they start to do it without even thinking- which is why it’s such a hard habit to break. I did tonnes of research and went to see a specialist I found and my best advice is to get Movicol ASAP. What you need to do is get her going every day (as you suggest above) and for it to be easy to pass. So, the one sachet of Movicol a day they prescribe needs to be upped until that happens - with our DD she could hold on that well that 4 or 5 sachets a day would be needed. That’s the most important thing because, as you say, it’s the only way to reduce the fear. The other thing, which is very hard, is to do your best to just not mention it to her. At all. We know for certain that the more we try to encourage her to go, the less likely it is that she will go. Let her go in her own time and offer her the reassurance if she needs it but just try really hard to ignore the rest of it. It is SO frustrating when they are behaving badly and you know it’s because they need to go, but there is nothing you can do about it, only she is in control and getting into a fight about it will make her dig her heels in, in my experience.
Our dd is now 6 and is still on Movicol every day. But she has bowel control of steel and has never had any continence issues with it. She will still often leave it until the last minute as that’s just a thing in her head now. But for the most part it’s not an issue anymore.
I hope that ramble helps! You could also look up ERIC, a great charity with a free advice helpline on all things to do with kids and going to the loo.
Good luck op, hopefully you’ve caught it early enough that you can reverse how she feels about it all.

Thanks. I think I need to go back and ask for movical but the general opinion I've gotten is that it's too strong for her age. But they don't know how stubborn she is. I really appreciate all the advice. We had 2 poos yesterday after a very long day of screaming so we'll have a bit of relief for a day at least. Thanks again. It's good to talk to people that have been through it!

That’s strange feedback that it’s too strong for her age, i’ve never heard that - my dd was prescribed it and she had only just turned 2 and the specialist we saw was certain it was what she needed too. Movicol doesn’t have any affect on the bowel itself, it just draws water in and makes the poo softer/makes it a lot harder for them to hold it in.