I will try not to write an essay... I have one just started school and a 1 yr old. I went back to work after first very part time and just about broke even with nursery fees compared to staying at home. I can't do the same this time for various reasons. I have just got a new role which is done from home but while I'm getting the hang of it I know it will take me longer than it should so I will need to book extra nursery time. This plus having to pay professional fees which are fixed regardless of hours worked means that I will make a small loss to the household compared with staying at home, at least for this year. We can afford it and I think it will be worth it as although it's initially a temporary contract i am quite hopeful it will lead to more family friendly work. And in 2 years younger one will get his funding and I might actually make a profit!! I am feeling bad about husband essentially subsidising me going to work but it's a lot easier to get a job when you've already got one and also my self esteem has taken quite a hit during maternity leave both times and I need to work for my sanity. However getting a higher paid job is not straightforward as I live rurally and husband works long and unpredictable hours (and earns a lot more than me before anyone suggests him being a sahd or something). Has anyone else done something similar?? I really hope it will be worth it in the long run but I feel like I should be grateful for going to work, can't moan about having a busy day or whatever. The guilt is largely in my head - husband is fairly indifferent as long as he doesn't have to deal with kids all weekend while I work. So just looking for some reassurance that I shouldn't feel terrible every time the nursery bill arrives!!