Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Rant about my other half

1 reply

jadericho · 14/09/2018 05:43

Me and my other half got into a huge row yesterday because he keeps getting frustrated with me for, essentially, comforting our son. I breastfeed on demand and first of all he thinks I'm wrong in doing so. He just doesn't understand that it's not just about feeding, it's about comfort as well. Our son also struggles with being in his pram or car seat sometimes which makes going out tricky (which is apparently my fault because I'm 'ruining him' by comforting him all the time). I think my other half is a bit jealous of the bond I have with him and in his mind he just wants me all the time just cos I'm the one with the boobs. I'm feeling under a lot of pressure to start giving him a bottle just so he can have that bonding time with him. Which is great and I'm totally for it, except I've overcome so many issues with breastfeeding and I'm finally in a place where I actually enjoy it. Now I don't mind sharing but our son all of a sudden doesn't like having a bottle. In the early days when I really struggled with bf (tongue tie issues) he took to a bottle absolutely fine. But since his tongue tie got sorted and I found bf easier, I found I no longer needed that break to give him a bottle. So he hasn't had one for about a month and then we tried him with one while I was busy cracking on packing for our holiday and he hated it. And so began that problem. Problem number 2 is that I have difficulty when it comes to expressing, I normally only get 2 ounces (if that!) at a time. It's taken me a while to come to terms with this as it used to fill me with self doubt and worry that he wasn't getting enough if that's all I can express but it's clear that he's absolutely thriving. Plus, I really struggle to find the time to express or fit it into our routine. I don't enjoy it one bit. He makes me feel so guilty for it though, saying I should use it more because he spent a lot of money on it. Which I totally get, maybe I should try harder but he just doesn't understand how tough it is. Which leads me onto the other thing I briefly mentioned, in that he hates car journeys and often being in his pram. I firmly don't believe in self soothing, especially when he's so little (3 months) but my other half gets so angry with me for getting him out of his pram when he gets upset or having to pull over for a comfort feed. Believe me, I try and resist as much as I can and use methods of distraction, toys, white noise, singing to him etc which sometimes work but sometimes he's either hungry or gets so worked up he just needs a cuddle/comfort feed. But apparently I'm 'ruining him' by doing this. So I just don't know how to meet mutual ground in this because our opinions are totally different. I just think a lot of it boils down to jealousy. But I just can't stand it when he just wants me to let him cry. I can't stand it. Especially when he starts crying real tears, then I get all upset because it's got to the stage of real tears, which I wouldn't let happen if it was just me with him. Then I just get told 'he's fine, babies cry, it's what they do' but it's their way of communicating what they need, and I'm not just going to ignore him!!!! God I'm getting angry just typing all this. I need to do something about it because the arguments are getting worse. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Vampyress · 14/09/2018 06:19

Your husband is wrong in saying you should allow baby to cry, doing so for necessity such as baby crying whilst you are finishing cooking is one thing but being bullied into going against your motherly instincts is not right nor fair. Babies who are fed and comforted promptly become much more confident and independent young people, leaving them to cry when they are so young can lead to massive overdepency and anxiety issues later on. I responded to my sons needs as a young baby and now at 16 months he self soothes and happily sits in his cot talking to his teddy until I wake up at 7:30 or he gets hungry and cries.

On a side note, does your son have or accept a soother to help provide comfort? Needing to keep stopping the pram to provide him comfort suckling could become a bit wearing and driving with a screaming baby is bound to be quite stressful. It might be worth trying to find other means of physical comfort for your son that doesn't always involve having to nurse as a middle ground and now you have breast feeding established it shouldn't cause you any issues to introduce one if you chose to.

My husband had old fashioned views that responsive parenting would spoil our baby at around the same age and I thought he was cruel to suggest crying it out and pointed out that the constant battle with my motherly instincts would lead to resentment. We worked together to find ways to comfort our ds and make more time for our relationship as a result.

As for the comments about the breast pump, I would ask him what his priority is, getting his money's worth or his son being fed.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.