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Can’t get DCs to do anything without shouting/nagging

5 replies

TickledOnion · 13/09/2018 13:38

My DDs are 6 and 8. They are generally lovely, happy, kind kids and everyone else (teachers, friends’ parents, GPs) seems to find them very easy to manage.

When we have no chores or time pressures we have a great time and get on brilliantly. But I spend all the rest of my time shouting and nagging them to do stuff. They seem to think that going to bed, getting up, getting dressed, brushing teeth, coming down for breakfast etc are all a huge hassle and a giant favour to me and can only be done after I have nagged them about 10 times.

Anything extra like helping with chores requires shouting and threats or a promise of pocket money.

I don’t know how it has got so bad. I don’t want to shout and nag all the time. I want them to do jobs around the house without threats or monetary reward. It’s getting me down. I feel like a failure especially as they are so lovely for everyone else.

The only think I can think of is to limit screen time completely as this seems to be the cause of the problems. But it seems ridiculous to reward them for getting dressed or cleaning their teeth.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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TickledOnion · 13/09/2018 19:34

Just wondering if anyone has any advice? Or anything that worked for your DCs. I had a look at apps that reward you with screen time for doing tasks and allow you to control how long DCs spend on apps but I think I need to change their whole attitude rather than rely on technology.

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BlackInk · 14/09/2018 11:27

Are you living with my children OP??

Seriously, this is me too - we have DS9 and DD6. I have to say everything 10 times, getting louder and shoutier each time, and then they get upset because I'm cross!

I know the best approach is to be calm and consistent, but I find myself getting exasperated because it is literally never-ending and I end up issuing wild threats and not following them through!

Teachers, neighbours, friends and relatives all say they're amazing though, so they CAN do it - just not for me it seems...

ArtemisWeatherwax · 14/09/2018 11:33

I've outsourced a lot of the morning nagging to Alexa - with warnings reminders set every 5 minutes. And it's also more like she's telling them off rather than me.

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Gibble1 · 14/09/2018 23:17

I’ve actually come onto this board tonight specifically to find out this answer to this question because this afternoon nearly broke me. DS is 14- nearly 15 and we had to leave to get him to a camp at 5:30. He was supposed to have packed yesterday- told his dad he had and had actually done fuck all. Came home from school and I sent him straight up to pack. Told him no time for Xbox today and that he needed a bath too as he didn’t have it last night and his hair is greasy.
I then spent an hour and a half going up and down the stairs getting more and more angry until I actually was ranting and raving at him like a bloody lunatic.
I said to him- this isn’t for me- I have to do a 3 hour round trip to get you to a camp for something you want to do- I’m not forcing you to go so why will you not do anything until I am actually shouting at you? I have as a result told him he doesn’t get xbox for a whole week and am so cross with him. At one point he threw his toothpaste at his bag and it hit my foot and has bruised me- through trainers.
Life should not be this stressful!

TickledOnion · 15/09/2018 17:36

Glad I’m not the only one. I asked my DDs how we could manage things better and they suggested I just ask them nicely once and say please! Apparently that will magically work. Hmm
They also suggested sticker charts so I’m going to give that another go.

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